Earlier quoted context omitted.
Western society rewards extroverts. Are you sure about that? I get the impression that the English culture regards extroverts as freaks of nature and terrifying monsters.
How do you figure?
[deleted]
Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)
651–660 of 745 posts
Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)
#652Earlier quoted context omitted.
Well, here's a source I was remembering the claim from (I was just a little off): http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_exa... > In reality, 97 percent of dieters regain everything they lost and then some within three years. Obesity research fails to reflect this truth because it rarely follows people for more than 18 months. This makes most weight-loss studies disingenuous at best and downright de…
Here is a metastudy that finds 97% kept some weight off after 4-5 years, and 35% maintained or increased their percentage loss: https://academic.oup.com/ajcn/article/74/5/579/4737391 Still bad but not as bad. It's also important to point out a strong self selection bias in such studies: we mostly deal with those who were overweight and needed to start a diet, so they probably had low impulse control to begin with. An…
> It's also important to point out a strong self selection bias in such studies: we mostly deal with those who were overweight and needed to start a diet, so they probably had low impulse control to begin with.
By this metric some three-quarters of Americans have poor impulse control (cf. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obesity_in_the_United_States#/...), so I think it is actually the other group that is exceptional.
Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)
#653Earlier quoted context omitted.
Sports are so boring and repetitive though. Especially when you don't care who wins, and I can't imagine why I'd care.
I think it helps to have played a sport before to appreciate watching it. For example, when I was younger I used to play some football (soccer). I don't play at the moment, but when I watch a game there's a lot more for me to pick up on because of that past experience. I get that to someone who's never played before the game might look uninteresting as it's a relatively low point scoring game (compared to something l…
I don't doubt that that really deepens your appreciation, but I think even through repeated watching you can come to appreciate the game more. To give the most obvious example, someone without a lot of familiarity with football would probably be confused about why they were go back five yards behind where they were after the last play instead of the last place they got to because the penalty system isn't obvious to a neophyte (in soccer terms, consider how many people are baffled by off-side calls if they only ever watch a few games during the World Cup every four years).
Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)
#654I'm 33. I had a lot of friends when I was in college. I think I hung out with like four different groups of people, and I'd often introduce people in different groups to each other. After I graduated, everything slowly fell apart. As the years went by, we all slowly but surely drifted away. I'm at the point where I hang out with very few people in real life anymore. I have one very close friend from college who I sti…
> The way I see it, I have another 30-40 years left in me before my body gives out, and I'm going to spend all of them without having the kind of friend I had from 19 to 31. I don't really know how I'm going to deal with that. Most people try to find this sort of friend in a relationship.
is that how it actually ends up going down though? a romantic relationship has so many other variables to consider, and the dynamic is far different: you live with this person; eventually, in most cases, you pledge to live with them forever; you are sexually involved with this person; they are your "ONE" person designated as most important (this doesn't really happen with friends, at least not officially); you might raise a child together, a massive responsibility to which mutual responsibilities undertaken with friends hardly compare.
i think that our innate evolutionary heuristic for finding a romantic partner is quite different from that which is used to find friends and this difference definitely impacts who we select. it seems naive to assume that the majority of romantic relationships are simply opposite-sex friends who are roommates that have sex. at least when we look at romantic relationships that last a while.
i want to believe it's that simple, but i have a hard time doing so.
Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)
#655I'm 24 I'm already finding it hard to make new good friends. To me a good friend is someone whom I can reach out to without thinking twice, it could be for discussing that shower thought, ranting about the work, asking for suggestions when I'm in trouble, talking about the book I just read. I made quite a few friends since college in the sense that I hang out with them from time to time, but not any good friends.
why it has to be one person IRL? I can do most of this on reddit and i am way older
there are definitely different dynamics. IRL a person will get back to right away; online, your comments can be ignored. IRL, you have the context of the person's personality to supplement the content of what they're saying (for better or for worse, but definitely different).
human communication is also hardly only based on just speaking words, with body language and gestures and facial expressions working to convey full meaning. it is hard to feel warmth in online discussions, or at least harder.
furthermore, online discussion seems much more targeted, and less exploratory in terms of subject matter (this is neutral, not saying better or worse) whereas IRL you can flow from topic to topic. also, i'd say discussing personal topics in person is more rewarding due to a combination of all the above.
Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)
#656Earlier quoted context omitted.
Really? Interesting. I can do that. How would be the best way to go about that on HN? I'm new here and haven't seen any posts like that. Just start a thread with some info and answer questions?
I'd read it.
Very well. I'll do that this weekend when I have more time to read and reply. Should be an interesting discussion, especially since I left a career in finance to go to grad school to do something totally different. It is a big move but I've never been happier.
Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)
#657Earlier quoted context omitted.
Depends on the individual. If you’re using it for entheogenic purposes, then the forest is a great place to enjoy it. I’m reminded of the image of a Buddhist monk meditating under a waterfall in quiet contemplation.
What I mean is sometimes you find out you're the Buddha and sometimes you find out you're a lonely, pudgy 35 year old doing drugs in the woods and wondering how you're going to come down in time to get to the office in the morning. You imagine you're going to go out and meditate in a garden full of friendly animals, but the nature of tripping is that the non-tripping mind cannot predict the experience with any kind o…
It's just a useful way to transport your mind into a somewhat arbitrary perspective. Often that leads to forced introspection looking back on the perspective you've come to live normally in, and that might help make some productive changes if you don't quite like or appreciate what you see.
Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)
#658I feel like everyone I meet nowadays is too self-centered and competitive to be friends with. Does anyone else feel this way? I hope I’m not just projecting.
Yes. People lose their luster over time. What has changed is the self and ones perspective. What does it say about yourself when you notice peoples faults instead of what you admire in them? The faults were there all along.
i want my luster back
Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)
#659This was something that was discussed recently in one of the Pokemon Go FB Messenger groups I'm in. The group is mostly people in their 30's and 40's, and some of the people don't have any friends outside of the group. The game has basically brought them a network of friends that they didn't have before. And because "raids" (in-game battles of giant Pokemon) require multiple people and for you to physically go somewh…
I met a lot of acquaintances playing Tekken, so I can absolutely believe in the idea that a game would bring people together, even though Pokemon Go is not my thing at all.
I've also similarly made many friends through playing Tekken offline. I believe the local aspect of fighting games (as opposed to most online games nowadays), and the depth of its mechanics is very conducive to making a wide variety of close friends (old and young). I recommend people check out fighting games or games that require person to person contact to make more friends.
Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)
#660Now there's something noticeable by its presence in a 2012 article - a Louis CK quote. Anyway the article names various and sundry complicated and small manifestations of this phenomenon, but what's the big picture? Maybe making friends past a certain age is hard because it's unnatural and somewhat irrelevant? Maybe making friends is just another naturally- and reproductively-selected trait that helps with mating and…
this seems far too reductionist. friends can help us grow and become better, happier, more fulfilled people at any age. to claim that 1 person is able to fulfill this instead seems like a stretch to me. surely some diversity of thought / conversation is helpful.