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Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

nytimes.com

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Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#541

Post by erikb »

kokey wrote: post #508

As someone who has been an expat in several locations and also divorced, I have found that it's not really due to age but down to where the people around you find themselves in their life and where you find yourself in life. When young people go to college a significant portion of them are in a situation where they would need to seek and develop new friendships. The same happens if you move to a location which has a…

Also, it's hard but not impossible. I'm in that situation right now, where I work in a new location but most of my colleagues have established lifes here. However there are also a small number of colleagues in similar situations, and also there's some movement going on all the time. So yes, my friendships don't grow as quickly as I'd like, but they grow.

One thing to note though is that one needs to pursue it proactively. Don't be ashamed to ask people to add you to their whatsapp group. Don't be afraid to supply other people with food they like, so they will remember you when they want to relax. And take off some time from your hobbies and work schedule so you can participate in meetups.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#543

Post by erikb »

patorjk wrote: post #9

This was something that was discussed recently in one of the Pokemon Go FB Messenger groups I'm in. The group is mostly people in their 30's and 40's, and some of the people don't have any friends outside of the group. The game has basically brought them a network of friends that they didn't have before. And because "raids" (in-game battles of giant Pokemon) require multiple people and for you to physically go somewh…

do you have a resource (blog, youtube video, etc) where one can get a quick overview of Pokemon Go? When I played it there was not much you could do, so I dropped it completely. I may still have the app installed though.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#544

Post by trowway21 »

cheschire wrote: post #534
trowway21 wrote: post #499

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Textbook introvert. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extraversion_and_introversio...

The extent of your personality test for me was reading my post on mobile.

I was simply pointing out that what you had typed in the comment that I replied to, is exactly what the dude who came up with those 'types' wrote down as definitions.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#545

Post by skosch »

mikulas_florek wrote: post #498
gowld wrote: post #294

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Perversely, in some very homophobic cultures, men hold hands with men because they are so homophobic that there is not even an insinuation that they might be willing to publicly show homosexual inclinations, so handholding is assumed platonic.

Which cultures?

Around the middle east, for one. I've seen this relatively frequently in Turkey.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#546

Post by skosch »

pwaai wrote: post #209
ggm wrote: post #169

Nobody has said amygdala yet so I will. There. It's out there. If you're under 25, you don't have a fully formed amygdala, and you're open and receptive to rash ideas. Diving off the roof of a house into the pool. riding on the back of utility trucks with no seat. Drinking scotch from the bottle. Forming friends. Then you grow up.

Yeah there's something that happens to our brains once we enter an age where we are supposed to be rearing offsprings. But I also suspect a strong socioeconomic factor as well. When you are no longer in university and in the work force or even a family of your own it changes priorities a lot.

... once we enter an age where we are supposed to be rearing offsprings.

That's the idea, evolutionarily? Do you have sources for that? Not that it wouldn't make sense, but if our ancestors had kids as soon as they could then their offspring would have already been teenagers by the time their amygdala matured. I'd like to learn more.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#547

Post by rqs »

zanny wrote: post #31
patorjk wrote: post #9

This was something that was discussed recently in one of the Pokemon Go FB Messenger groups I'm in. The group is mostly people in their 30's and 40's, and some of the people don't have any friends outside of the group. The game has basically brought them a network of friends that they didn't have before. And because "raids" (in-game battles of giant Pokemon) require multiple people and for you to physically go somewh…

You forge friendship through common struggle. You need to offer one another something or you just introduce yourselves and let one another drift off in opposite directions without any bond forged. You form your first friendships really early on with an extremely strong commonality - the hugeness of the world and your lack of information about it. Literally everything is in common with your peers circa age 2-4 because…

> Pokemon Go, and video games in general, are extremely effective ways to get people a commonality to force them together and interacting in ways that can build meaningful bonds

Isn't this also true when you join any group of people who sharing the same goal?

For example: A soccer or football team or gym? Or maybe a book club even.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#550

Post by pipio21 »

kokey wrote: post #508

As someone who has been an expat in several locations and also divorced, I have found that it's not really due to age but down to where the people around you find themselves in their life and where you find yourself in life. When young people go to college a significant portion of them are in a situation where they would need to seek and develop new friendships. The same happens if you move to a location which has a…

I had the same experience, but also expat, love traveling.

For me making new friends is easy, probably because I am used to it. It is not that hard unless you are desperate.

It is like money, when you don't need it, it way easier to make money than when you need it.

The best way to make friends it to find an indirect way of being in close contact with other people, an help them.

For example I have made incredible friends helping people on drugs. After months or years of pain, when those people get out of drugs they are your friends for all your life, because you were there when very few people were.

I also made lots of friends volunteering teaching(poor) kids 3d printing and engineering in general. When those kids become men or women they surprise you.

From my point of view, you make friends when you don't need to make friends, because you have more important things to do than focusing in yourself.

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