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Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

nytimes.com

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Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#191

Post by newnewpdro »

emodendroket wrote: post #117

> Thayer Prime, a 32-year-old strategy consultant who lives in London, has even developed a playful 100-point scale (100 being “best friend forever”). In her mind, she starts to dock new friend candidates as they begin to display annoying or disloyal behavior. Nine times out of 10, she said, her new friends end up from 30 to 60, or little more than an acquaintance. > “You meet someone really nice, but if they don’t r…

I'm reminded of a song by Cake; Tougher Than It Is. [1]

Some people are so high-strung and high-maintenance, I don't know why they do it to themselves. Perhaps their career path rewards this behavior, and they become so obsessed with success as defined by their career, whatever that means, that it becomes their entire identity. Because the way Thayer is approaching life sounds a whole lot like the way people behave in corporate america. Thayer Prime would probably benefit from eating some mushrooms in the forest.

[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjL07JQ5cLo

edit: By mushrooms I mean the kind that educates, not kills.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#192

Post by warabe »

As a gay man who is almost 30, I think making friends is relatively easy for gay people thanks to dating apps. Perhaps, you cannot same gender friends in Tinder (if I'm wrong, please correct me), but a lot of gay people are using dating apps not only to find relationships but also to find friends.

I also think social isolation around gay people makes friendship among gay people special. I don't know much about Western countries like U.S., but here in Tokyo, most of the gay are still in the closet. They have to pretend to be straight outside gay communities. It is really stressful. They cannot talk much about their lovers or their gay friends. A lot of gay people around me say drinking with straight people is just boring because of those reasons. That drives us to make gay friends.

It is quite anecdotal, but I didn't have single friends a year ago, and now I've got 4, 5 close gay friends since I started using a dating app. I am actually very satisfied with my current life.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#193

Post by emodendroket »

newnewpdro wrote: post #191
emodendroket wrote: post #117

> Thayer Prime, a 32-year-old strategy consultant who lives in London, has even developed a playful 100-point scale (100 being “best friend forever”). In her mind, she starts to dock new friend candidates as they begin to display annoying or disloyal behavior. Nine times out of 10, she said, her new friends end up from 30 to 60, or little more than an acquaintance. > “You meet someone really nice, but if they don’t r…

I'm reminded of a song by Cake; Tougher Than It Is. [1] Some people are so high-strung and high-maintenance, I don't know why they do it to themselves. Perhaps their career path rewards this behavior, and they become so obsessed with success as defined by their career, whatever that means, that it becomes their entire identity. Because the way Thayer is approaching life sounds a whole lot like the way people behave i…

> Thayer Prime would probably benefit from eating some mushrooms in the forest.

Well, now, I wouldn't go so far as to wish death upon her.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#194

Post by emodendroket »

2muchcoffeeman wrote: post #186
loopdoend wrote: post #174

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And to think that many lonely people have probably read this, thinking it's normal, adopting her practices...

Well, I think most people have friend systems. Just not quite as brutal. If you invite someone and they bail 10 times, maybe you stop inviting them. I am pretty sure certain events I’ve been invited to was only because I was good friends with someone else. And once they stopped going my invites stopped as well. Some people you’re close to may have other things going on in their lives, but you loop them in anyway for…

I'd say there's a pretty big gulf between that and "ten points off the one hundred-point scale for being late for something."

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#195

Post by [deleted] »

poulsbohemian wrote: post #157
nicoburns wrote: post #153

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"for much of it I have risen before dawn to work, skipped lunches, returned home somewhere in the evenings, by and large have been unable to take vacations" This is certainly nowhere close to the norm in europe. I only know a couple of people who work more than 40 hours a week (37.5 is standard in the UK), and they definitely take vacations.

Completely true, take everything I said and reverse it for Europe. But I'm referring to life in These United States, where we don't have health care, we don't have vacation, we don't have maternity leave, we have very little public transportation... ok, I'll just stop before I get out of control.

[deleted]

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#196

Post by opportune »

jsemrau wrote: post #190
opportune wrote: post #167

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Really cool concept. Downloaded the app, crashes immediately upon loading on my iPhone

Are you sure you downloaded the right app? It's this one : https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/drop-in/id1038351294?mt=8 Looking at the data I have received from the sign-up and data selection processes there should have been no problems.

Yep, that's the one I downloaded. I'm on a 5S. The problem might be that I'm on iOS 9 still, actually. I'll update later and report back

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#197

Post by koolba »

emodendroket wrote: post #193
newnewpdro wrote: post #191

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm reminded of a song by Cake; Tougher Than It Is. [1] Some people are so high-strung and high-maintenance, I don't know why they do it to themselves. Perhaps their career path rewards this behavior, and they become so obsessed with success as defined by their career, whatever that means, that it becomes their entire identity. Because the way Thayer is approaching life sounds a whole lot like the way people behave i…

> Thayer Prime would probably benefit from eating some mushrooms in the forest. Well, now, I wouldn't go so far as to wish death upon her.

I think GP means the psychedelic kind.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#198

Post by newfoundglory »

poulsbohemian wrote: post #106
pmoriarty wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"it's just hard to meet people in the first place" If it's hard, it's usually a psychological difficulty rather than a lack of opportunity. Unless you live somewhere exceptionally remote, you're usually surrounded by people and opportunities for meeting them are quite frequent. You could strike up conversations most anywhere: from streets to bus stops to parks to bars to dance and social clubs to special interest gro…

As I noted later in my comment "unless one makes a concerted effort to seek out their tribe," which agrees with your point. That stated, this being a technical forum, many of us are Myers-Briggs (if you believe in it) INTJ types -- so yes, we do potentially lack the social skills. Moreover, I reflect upon my own adulthood, where for much of it I have risen before dawn to work, skipped lunches, returned home somewhere…

I live in Seattle, and I’d say that your crazy lifestyle is why you didn’t make friends here - and that it’s probably the same cause for most people who complain about the Seattle Freeze. You worked all day and hung out with family all weekend and an amazing friendship didn’t climb down your chimney? How baffling, must be the city culture to blame. (I moved here for work out of college, and made plenty of friends - by socializing in the evenings).

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#199

Post by newnewpdro »

emodendroket wrote: post #193
newnewpdro wrote: post #191

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm reminded of a song by Cake; Tougher Than It Is. [1] Some people are so high-strung and high-maintenance, I don't know why they do it to themselves. Perhaps their career path rewards this behavior, and they become so obsessed with success as defined by their career, whatever that means, that it becomes their entire identity. Because the way Thayer is approaching life sounds a whole lot like the way people behave i…

> Thayer Prime would probably benefit from eating some mushrooms in the forest. Well, now, I wouldn't go so far as to wish death upon her.

That is not at all what I was implying. Edited to clarify.

Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)

#200

Post by jsemrau »

opportune wrote: post #196
jsemrau wrote: post #190

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are you sure you downloaded the right app? It's this one : https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/drop-in/id1038351294?mt=8 Looking at the data I have received from the sign-up and data selection processes there should have been no problems.

Yep, that's the one I downloaded. I'm on a 5S. The problem might be that I'm on iOS 9 still, actually. I'll update later and report back

Thanks! Let's discuss this further on info@tenqyu.com. I really need to know what happens and of course will make it worth your time.
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