Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)
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Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)
#2Hint: it's not. It's just that it's not your priority and that your are picky.
Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)
#3One anecdatum: I simply lost most interest in having friends by 25. I lost the rest when I had a kid. Now my friends are my daughter’s friends parents. I don’t really like them, I just end up chit chatting with them while our daughters play.
Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)
#4I can’t seem to read this right now since I’m over my limit of free articles but I’ll say that Meetup.com has been really helpful to find interesting people in the same boat.
My recommendation to people is to find a meetup (doesn’t have to be from Meetup, could be a sports league, religious group, volunteering...) that meets frequently so that you have a chance to slowly get to know the same group of people over a course of time. I find meeting up once per month is a little too infrequent for growing bonds and prefer weekly/biweekly meetups but sometimes you end up meeting someone who you gel with and it’s easy to meetup many times over beyond the meetup interval.
Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)
#5One anecdatum: I simply lost most interest in having friends by 25. I lost the rest when I had a kid. Now my friends are my daughter’s friends parents. I don’t really like them, I just end up chit chatting with them while our daughters play.
Same. I had friends, but I don't have time for them and frankly my quality of life isn't suffering yet. I suppose this is something I might regret when I'm 60, but for now I can't be bothered.
Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)
#6Who wants friends over 30? I like to make friends with young people.
In all seriousness, at 42 I really do prefer to hang out with 20-somethings because they’re fun.
Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)
#7Who wants friends over 30? I like to make friends with young people. In all seriousness, at 42 I really do prefer to hang out with 20-somethings because they’re fun.
In a similar, but opposite direction, I've found (in my mid, now late 40's) that I really enjoy the company of my Dad's friends. They have interesting life stories, are brilliant, and I've got a wide enough range of interests that it is easy to find common ground.
Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)
#8Anecdotal but, I'm 36 and I made the most friends I have ever made in my life in the last two years. From doing the conference/retreat circuit to, surprisingly, the festival circuit (Burning Man, Gratitude Migration, etc.) I've made a lot of close, real, amazing friends
Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)
#9This was something that was discussed recently in one of the Pokemon Go FB Messenger groups I'm in. The group is mostly people in their 30's and 40's, and some of the people don't have any friends outside of the group. The game has basically brought them a network of friends that they didn't have before. And because "raids" (in-game battles of giant Pokemon) require multiple people and for you to physically go somewhere, you end up seeing your Pokemon friends a lot. You may even spend an afternoon driving around town, chasing raid battles. Sometimes it's just saying hello and battling, but other times you strike up a convo, laugh, etc. Lots of people feel the game is dead, or think I'm weird when they find out I still play it, but there's still an active player base, and it's methods of trying to get people (usually anti-social people) out and being social, have definitely hit upon something.
Re: Why is it hard to make friends over 30? (2012)
#10The article makes it pretty clear that relationships and marriage take the place of friends, especially for men. 30 is also that sort of point where women who haven't had kids already think "uh oh, better soon than never". I can see the downvotes coming already for speaking on behalf of women, but I have more female friends than male ones and the number 30 is universally dreaded for the reason I describe. Well, then there's the looks factor which, take it how you will, but society generally views that age as "the wall". So by that point, you'd better have found your partner in life. If that's one's goal, and it is for most people, are you going to expend your energy finding more friends or are you going to expend it towards finding a "life-long" mate?
I'm nearing 30, and I'd say over 90% of my friends have significant others. Long-term relationships significantly changes a person's behavior; the concept of friendship gradually shifts towards "How can I include my SO in this?" If we go to the movies, it's gotta be a film that he/she is going to like, and they don't like scary movies so that's out of the question now. Maybe your existing friends you've still got around will tolerate this, but new friends aren't going to do everything that your SO wants to do. With my guy friends especially, everything now revolves around what their SO wants to do even when their SO actually permits us to go off and do guy things. I think this happens to most people, though, and I would be no exception if I was in a relationship. As the article states, good luck if you are trying to make friends with another couple. Chances are at least one person in that party isn't really interested in the friendship.
Putting aside that constraint, however, I haven't had that much difficulty making friends at my age. I think a lot of people figure out that most people aren't worth their time, thus friends really don't provide all that much. As long as you've got a couple good friends who have your back even if you haven't talked in months, you're golden. If you're in a relationship with someone, the even less you need the company of others.
People also get dull by the time they're in their 30s. They spent so much time working and relationshipping that they lost a lot of imagination and didn't really expand their horizons as much as their Instagrams would suggest. I'm not saying this is a permanent state, but a doldrum that happens after a person has spent so much time ticking off the boxes of things they're supposed to accomplish. That's what tunnelvision can do to a person. It's definitely possible to get out of it, which is probably why my few real friends are either in their early-to-mid 20s or past 40.