The Case for the “Self-Driven Child” • Hacker News Board

Re: The Case for the “Self-Driven Child”

#21

Post by bobthechef » Tue, Feb 13, 2018, 4:34 PM UTC

stinkytaco wrote: post #4

There's a certain irony in this. By putting restrictions on kids (no screens, digital downtime, etc), we expect them to become self-driven. This is a great idea in theory, but it also seems pretty likely that a kid will go to their friends house to watch Youtube videos, when I would just as soon have them (and their friends, if necessary) at my house doing that where at least I have some sense of what they are watchi…

Giving children control doesn't mean anything goes. There's a huge difference between telling your children what to do and telling them what not to do. The problem is the former i.e. when parents schedule every minute of the day, telling their kids what to do. Laying down the law i.e. forbidding them from doing certain things can set healthy boundaries without telling kids what to do within those boundaries.

So yeah, no social media, no wasting away in front of a screen. They might disobey, but at least it is clear in their minds what the house rules are. Rationalizing permissiveness at home because ostensibly it lets you monitor them is precisely the wrong idea. It legitimizes the activity in their minds through your parental authority and is just another example of parental hovering.

The more widely we recognize the proper duties of parents, the more successful it will be since communities can reinforce the effectiveness of parenting. If all of my kid's parents ban the use of social media, it will be difficult for my child to make use of it at a friend's house.

P.S. Nice nick.

Re: The Case for the “Self-Driven Child”

#22

Post by stinkytaco » Tue, Feb 13, 2018, 4:36 PM UTC

organsnyder wrote: post #8

bubbleRefuge wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I cut the cable thinking that would make a difference, but youtube and Netflix have infinte content. Back in the days of broadcast only TV, you watch your show and its over, go play.

The main advantage to Netflix (and YouTube, with a Red subscription) is the lack of advertising. My kids probably see 1/20th the number of ads that I saw growing up.

My daughter, who's primary video consumption is on Youtube, has started to get to the age that she's concerned about fashion, decoration, etc. I realized that she's getting a lot of this from Youtube, not via direct advertisements, but via "influencers" who have been "encouraged" to place a product, either via money or free products. In some ways this is far more insidious. At least with ads you can learn to tune them out, it's a whole new skill to identify where you are seeing paid product placement.

Re: The Case for the “Self-Driven Child”

#23

Post by pavel_lishin » Tue, Feb 13, 2018, 4:37 PM UTC

tischler wrote: post #19

.

> the 1960s (as mentioned in the article), the point in time at which civilization made personal freedoms a top priority

Lots of things happened in the 60s. One of them was the first generation being raised by parents who may have spent a significant portion of their childhood living under the Cold War threat of an imminent nuclear holocaust, who then went on to raise their own children.

Re: The Case for the “Self-Driven Child”

#24

Post by neaden » Tue, Feb 13, 2018, 4:40 PM UTC

aglavine wrote: post #10

Are video games still considered an addiction by someone?

Video games certainly can be addictive, just like gambling. That doesn't mean everyone who gambles is an addict, just like everyone who drinks isn't an alcoholic or plays the slots isn't a gambling addict. They certainly can be and worryingly they are increasingly designed to be addictive.

Re: The Case for the “Self-Driven Child”

#25

Post by Afton » Tue, Feb 13, 2018, 4:40 PM UTC

tischler wrote: post #19

.

I wonder how you would study that question (about how much freedom results in optimal happiness across the population). I'd be surprised if it evenly resolved into even thirds.

Re: The Case for the “Self-Driven Child”

#26

Post by pavel_lishin » Tue, Feb 13, 2018, 4:41 PM UTC

bubbleRefuge wrote: post #5

I find it tough to get my kids to socialize more without scheduling them especially on weekends. Daycare is good because they exercise and run wild. But weekends are hard because the kids are just not out there anymore, so you have to coordinate with other parents.

Where do you live? We're raising our two year old in the city, and I wonder if it's easier to schedule things when other kids live close enough that you can just agree to show up at the playground at the same time that's a 10-minute walk from home.

Re: The Case for the “Self-Driven Child”

#27

Post by amelius » Tue, Feb 13, 2018, 4:42 PM UTC

Upon first reading the title, I thought this was about putting unattended children in self-driving cars :)

Re: The Case for the “Self-Driven Child”

#28

Post by Cthulhu_ » Tue, Feb 13, 2018, 4:43 PM UTC

stinkytaco wrote: post #22

organsnyder wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The main advantage to Netflix (and YouTube, with a Red subscription) is the lack of advertising. My kids probably see 1/20th the number of ads that I saw growing up.

My daughter, who's primary video consumption is on Youtube, has started to get to the age that she's concerned about fashion, decoration, etc. I realized that she's getting a lot of this from Youtube, not via direct advertisements, but via "influencers" who have been "encouraged" to place a product, either via money or free products. In some ways this is far more insidious. At least with ads you can learn to tune the…

^ this is just as bad. At least a lot of the youtube videos I watch are often sponsored by e.g. squarespace which is neutral enough. But those are unblockable ads, basically.

...just like a lot of cartoons were back when we were growing up, Transformers and He-Man and even Star Wars were all advertisements for toys (although in Star Wars' case the toys came after the movie. Still made them several times what the movies made them though).

No such thing as free content.

Re: The Case for the “Self-Driven Child”

#29

Post by Cthulhu_ » Tue, Feb 13, 2018, 4:44 PM UTC

aglavine wrote: post #10

Are video games still considered an addiction by someone?

Yup, by me.

Source: I'm 32 and if I could I'd spend all my time playing video games. This hasn't changed much from back when I was a kid. Doesn't help that games are so much better nowadays either.

FACTORIO IS CRACK COCAINE. Just cheaper and with less withdrawal effects.

Re: The Case for the “Self-Driven Child”

#30

Post by Cthulhu_ » Tue, Feb 13, 2018, 4:46 PM UTC

bubbleRefuge wrote: post #5

I find it tough to get my kids to socialize more without scheduling them especially on weekends. Daycare is good because they exercise and run wild. But weekends are hard because the kids are just not out there anymore, so you have to coordinate with other parents.

That sounds like more of a factor of where you live and whatnot than anything; I was fortunate enough to grow up in a normal sized town (~6000 inhabitants) and had friends living within walking / cycling distance (not to mention streets you could actually walk on). Not nearly as sprawled out as some cities / suburbs are.