Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

What Teenagers Are Learning from Online Porn

nytimes.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

131–140 of 148 posts

Re: What Teenagers Are Learning from Online Porn

#131

Post by sexoffender »

ggggtez wrote: post #129
_tgdn wrote: post #104

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well sex kind of inherently requires an SO (however you choose to define "significant"), and porn inherently has to do with sex. Masturbation is trying to be your own SO, but sex inherently is a two-person job. I know these things are controversial these days, but they're pretty obvious and self-evident if you ignore recent ideologies and politics.

Ignoring your distasteful name for a moment; you have a very black-and-white view. 2 person job? Said who? 1 person sex, or 3 person sex, or more... Who says 2 is the only or even the best way?

The physical nature of human beings: a single penis fits into a single vagina, and that's how babies are made. It takes exactly two people for this to work. Sex can be done in other ways but this is the magic formula for sex to make a baby, and making babies seems to be the primary purpose of sex within nature. And my name isn't meant to be tasteful, it's meant to be honest. I committed the crime of public indecency and am a sex offender for life.

Re: What Teenagers Are Learning from Online Porn

#132

Post by sexoffender »

JCSato wrote: post #120
sexoffender wrote: post #110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We've never let them have free reign to screens, whether computer or TV or phone, because there's a whole host of other problems that come from that. So it's not like we're taking internet away from them and that they're used to it. We've been teaching each one, the other they get, how to use computers and the internet responsibly, and we've always supervised to make sure they're not accidentally running into somethi…

Thank you for explaining further, that helps narrow down the situation. "we had to take stronger measures against this disease in his mind that led him to put his younger siblings in danger of seeing something far more confusing and graphic than they're ready to at their ages." This is what leaves me unconvinced (and I don't have expectation of changing your mind either - you operate with the most information here so…

It's a disease when it begins to negatively affect his judgment (looking at it in the room with much younger children nearby, trying to hide it by switching tabs whenever he thinks someone may be walking past him), his relationships (he's been getting much angrier at his siblings and being disrespectful and even violent toward them when they didn't deserve it), his responsibilities (he was doing them less often and less well, often sneaking into the bathroom for an hour at a time instead of finishing his work - which we now know was to look at porn and masturbate). Just like a physical disease is debilitating to your physical abilities, this is a mental disease that began deteriorating his mental and emotional abilities very quickly.

Re: What Teenagers Are Learning from Online Porn

#133

Post by sexoffender »

chimeracoder wrote: post #111
sexoffender wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The puritanical attitude is wrong. Sex is an amazing and great part of life, just like roller coasters or having 3 beers. Life is meant to be enjoyed. But over-doing it, or using something in a way it wasn't meant to be used, can ruin that joy. Nothing is wrong with sex within a healthy relationship. But nobody who goes to a hooker really believes afterwards that they found true happiness there. We also avoid movies…

> But nobody who goes to a hooker really believes afterwards that they found true happiness there. There are a lot of assumptions rolled up in that sentence. Rather than try and unpack them all here myself, I'd encourage you to talk to actual sex workers. Not people who engage the services of sex workers, but the people actually doing the sex work themselves. Ask them about the work they do, why they do it, what thei…

A few months ago one posted here on HN, explaining how most of her clients were men who threw away their actual families to chase after fast-paced careers (like start-ups), and often wanted to just talk and have her role-play being a wife (including sex). I have no idea how many people here on HN fall into that category, but her clients didn't sound like they were finding that fulfillment in her services that they seem to ultimately be seeking after in life.

Re: What Teenagers Are Learning from Online Porn

#134

Post by chimeracoder »

sexoffender wrote: post #133
chimeracoder wrote: post #111

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> But nobody who goes to a hooker really believes afterwards that they found true happiness there. There are a lot of assumptions rolled up in that sentence. Rather than try and unpack them all here myself, I'd encourage you to talk to actual sex workers. Not people who engage the services of sex workers, but the people actually doing the sex work themselves. Ask them about the work they do, why they do it, what thei…

A few months ago one posted here on HN, explaining how most of her clients were men who threw away their actual families to chase after fast-paced careers (like start-ups), and often wanted to just talk and have her role-play being a wife (including sex). I have no idea how many people here on HN fall into that category, but her clients didn't sound like they were finding that fulfillment in her services that they se…

> A few months ago one posted here on HN, explaining how...

Yeah, to clarify, when I say "talk to actual sex workers", I'm not referring to reading comments posted on Hacker News.

Re: What Teenagers Are Learning from Online Porn

#135

Post by sizzle »

sexoffender wrote: post #37

My oldest son recently developed a porn habit in secret, and the things we saw in his search history showed a clear progression from googling "boobs" and "nudity" to "pissing" and "bondage". Pornography isn't even close to what it was 30 years ago when you for the most part only saw it in nudie mags that your dad had (or friend had who stole it from his dad). Today, kids have easy access to a wealth of horrifying and…

Sound advice until I saw your username...

Re: What Teenagers Are Learning from Online Porn

#136

Post by stillsut »

JCSato wrote: post #116
ovao wrote: post #106

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I feel like there's better ways to solve that than "no internet for you, and internet you do have is Being Watched". What are those ways?

That's a good question, and I'm not sure. I think the. . .popular mentality is that you model proper behavior/approaches, but I don't think that really works here as well. The idea is that you have someone wiser than you who you can compare experiences with, and they can help guide you away from damaging choices - e.g. violent rape porn is probably a bad choice because X, Y, and Z. But I don't know what to genericall…

How about slip him a Playboy?

Play a little good cop / bad cop: you know mom is sensitive to stuff like that, but guys can have a little fun. And it's better when you don't have to see the naked dude.

Maybe in a week reinforce healthy arousal: this one's my favorite, look at this curve.

Talk about how you'll "know what to do" when the time comes, but it's important to work on just noticing details, women like that, and to be in control of your emotions and the situation.

Re: What Teenagers Are Learning from Online Porn

#137

Post by JCSato »

sjs382 wrote: post #130
JCSato wrote: post #114

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not quite what I was saying. Not wanting anyone you care about to "develop sexual relationships with computer screens" is normal, I'd think. Mandating all levels of access to computer screens because of that desire is what's draconian, not the intent behind the mandate.

It's clearly not a response to the desire but a response to the action.

I was responding to reader5000, who said ". . .not wanting your children. . ." (emphasis mine)

Re: What Teenagers Are Learning from Online Porn

#138

Post by jeeyoungk »

bhnmmhmd wrote: post #20
jurassic wrote: post #15

I am on day 81 of a 90 day porn reset. It’s been hard at times but my real life sexual experiences seem greatly improved and I plan to continue abstinence from porn after the reset period ends. Seeing that I can modify behavior by setting attainable medium term goals has made me excited to tackle some other personal challenges too. The site https://www.yourbrainonporn.com is what got me interested in trying to quit.…

I wonder which one is better: 1) Quit Porn 2) Stop Masturbation Any ideas?

https://reddit.com/r/nofap is a community dedicated for (2).

Re: What Teenagers Are Learning from Online Porn

#139

Post by dang »

reader5000 wrote: post #105
JCSato wrote: post #99

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If I was a kid who's parents were actively monitoring my search activity, cutting off my access to the internet as a whole because of porn, and were trying to equate me watching porn because I'm going through puberty (presumably) with throwing away meaningful relationships in my future. . .what that teaches me is to never, ever go to my parents for any problems I have remotely related to sex, because their draconian.…

Yes, not wanting your children to develop sexual relationships with computer screens is draconian.

"Please respond to the strongest plausible interpretation of what someone says, not a weaker one that's easier to criticize."

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

Post reply on HN