What Teenagers Are Learning from Online Porn • Hacker News Board

Re: What Teenagers Are Learning from Online Porn

#101

Post by [deleted] » Wed, Feb 07, 2018, 5:41 PM UTC

Spellman wrote: post #97

sexoffender wrote: post #84

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There is more to it, and it's hard to pinpoint cause and effect. He did have issues that existed before the pornography habit. But they worsened significantly since the month he started looking at pornography regularly. I do believe that his pornography habit has lowered his mental and emotional intelligence by a noticeable factor. I also look back at when I was his same age, and see my own struggles as very similar…

OK, fair enough. Hope you guys figure out an appropriate intervention plan then. Is going to a therapist on the table? Sounds like there's something deeper going on and just cutting off the porn doesn't usually solve it in my experience.

[deleted]

Re: What Teenagers Are Learning from Online Porn

#102

Post by ceejayoz » Wed, Feb 07, 2018, 5:42 PM UTC

nvahalik wrote: post #94

ceejayoz wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Porn is a common thread in serial murderers. So's oxygen and water intake. Citing NetNanny on this is pretty silly. Serial killers existed long before pornography was around, and I suspect you're getting correlation and causation mixed up there. Your average porn consumer manages not to cut heads off.

Well, don't take their word for it. Go find the research: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/shadow-boxing/201704/er... You also assume that people lead relatively normal lives with porn, but what about the subtle effects? Don't you think that the objectification of women as sexual objects or the demeaning of marriage to something that gets in the way of people's sexual pleasure has any sort of effect in a civilize…

> Go find the research

As with the NetNanny piece, I can't find any peer-reviewed research in that article. Just a bunch of anecdotes.

I'm not sure how porn "demeans marriage".

Re: What Teenagers Are Learning from Online Porn

#103

Post by mintplant » Wed, Feb 07, 2018, 5:43 PM UTC

DanBC wrote: post #79

mintplant wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

New comments actually start at the top and fall down over time, or not if they pick up votes quickly enough.

That's an incomplete description.

Then perhaps you could complete it!

Re: What Teenagers Are Learning from Online Porn

#104

Post by _tgdn » Wed, Feb 07, 2018, 5:44 PM UTC

yorwba wrote: post #86

sexoffender wrote: post #51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why not both? Let your SO be the only one who pleases you on this level, physically, mentally and emotionally. Ignore those voices that try to tell you that you can't be happy without these old ways of pleasing yourself. Your relationship will improve 100x, I speak from experience.

That only works if you have a SO, which isn't even necessarily what everyone wants.

Well sex kind of inherently requires an SO (however you choose to define "significant"), and porn inherently has to do with sex. Masturbation is trying to be your own SO, but sex inherently is a two-person job. I know these things are controversial these days, but they're pretty obvious and self-evident if you ignore recent ideologies and politics.

Re: What Teenagers Are Learning from Online Porn

#105

Post by reader5000 » Wed, Feb 07, 2018, 5:44 PM UTC

JCSato wrote: post #99

sexoffender wrote: post #37

My oldest son recently developed a porn habit in secret, and the things we saw in his search history showed a clear progression from googling "boobs" and "nudity" to "pissing" and "bondage". Pornography isn't even close to what it was 30 years ago when you for the most part only saw it in nudie mags that your dad had (or friend had who stole it from his dad). Today, kids have easy access to a wealth of horrifying and…

If I was a kid who's parents were actively monitoring my search activity, cutting off my access to the internet as a whole because of porn, and were trying to equate me watching porn because I'm going through puberty (presumably) with throwing away meaningful relationships in my future. . .what that teaches me is to never, ever go to my parents for any problems I have remotely related to sex, because their draconian.…

Yes, not wanting your children to develop sexual relationships with computer screens is draconian.

Re: What Teenagers Are Learning from Online Porn

#106

Post by ovao » Wed, Feb 07, 2018, 5:50 PM UTC

JCSato wrote: post #99

sexoffender wrote: post #37

My oldest son recently developed a porn habit in secret, and the things we saw in his search history showed a clear progression from googling "boobs" and "nudity" to "pissing" and "bondage". Pornography isn't even close to what it was 30 years ago when you for the most part only saw it in nudie mags that your dad had (or friend had who stole it from his dad). Today, kids have easy access to a wealth of horrifying and…

If I was a kid who's parents were actively monitoring my search activity, cutting off my access to the internet as a whole because of porn, and were trying to equate me watching porn because I'm going through puberty (presumably) with throwing away meaningful relationships in my future. . .what that teaches me is to never, ever go to my parents for any problems I have remotely related to sex, because their draconian.…

> I feel like there's better ways to solve that than "no internet for you, and internet you do have is Being Watched".

What are those ways?

Re: What Teenagers Are Learning from Online Porn

#107

Post by Digory » Wed, Feb 07, 2018, 5:51 PM UTC

crankylinuxuser wrote: post #88

sexoffender wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The puritanical attitude is wrong. Sex is an amazing and great part of life, just like roller coasters or having 3 beers. Life is meant to be enjoyed. But over-doing it, or using something in a way it wasn't meant to be used, can ruin that joy. Nothing is wrong with sex within a healthy relationship. But nobody who goes to a hooker really believes afterwards that they found true happiness there. We also avoid movies…

> The puritanical attitude is wrong. Sex is an amazing and great part of life, just like roller coasters or having 3 beers. Life is meant to be enjoyed. But over-doing it, or using something in a way it wasn't meant to be used, can ruin that joy. Nothing is wrong with sex within a healthy relationship. But nobody who goes to a hooker really believes afterwards that they found true happiness there. But that's what I'm…

>Nothing is wrong with consensual sex, period.

Is that entirely true? If I say "nothing is wrong with eating Big Macs, period" that's right in one sense. But you and I can see with our own eyes what an unrestrained diet of Big Macs might do, and it's bad, if not legally wrong.

You might say the problem with unrestrained eating is the desire or relationship with food, not the object (the Big Mac), but in that case traditional morality is also saying something about the focus of 'healthy' desire, not the sex act.

Even if you strip away the "wrong," the way people incorporate sex into their relationships and ethics will make lives better or worse.

Re: What Teenagers Are Learning from Online Porn

#108

Post by softawre » Wed, Feb 07, 2018, 5:52 PM UTC

reader5000 wrote: post #105

JCSato wrote: post #99

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If I was a kid who's parents were actively monitoring my search activity, cutting off my access to the internet as a whole because of porn, and were trying to equate me watching porn because I'm going through puberty (presumably) with throwing away meaningful relationships in my future. . .what that teaches me is to never, ever go to my parents for any problems I have remotely related to sex, because their draconian.…

Yes, not wanting your children to develop sexual relationships with computer screens is draconian.

It's the outright ban on wifi that feels draconian. How would you handle it?

Re: What Teenagers Are Learning from Online Porn

#109

Post by dpkonofa » Wed, Feb 07, 2018, 5:54 PM UTC

dsr_ wrote: post #50

sexoffender wrote: post #37

My oldest son recently developed a porn habit in secret, and the things we saw in his search history showed a clear progression from googling "boobs" and "nudity" to "pissing" and "bondage". Pornography isn't even close to what it was 30 years ago when you for the most part only saw it in nudie mags that your dad had (or friend had who stole it from his dad). Today, kids have easy access to a wealth of horrifying and…

Here's what we tell our kids: You watch an action movie because it's exciting, it's thrilling, and things explode. Basically, everything is carefully managed or faked to give you the feeling that everything is amazingly awesome. Porn is just like an action movie, only it's about sex instead of guns and martial arts. It's fun, but it usually has very little to do with real sex.

This should be more prevalent too. The difference between children and adults is typically that children can process what's happening just as well as adults. They can't process the why behind it, though, so they take it at face value. That's where parents and, in general, adults have to come in and help them explain or find the resources that explain what's going on. Without that, you end up with sheltered children that have to come up with their own reasons for why things exist and are the way they are. When that happens with fictional/sensationalized materials, they become the norm for them.

Re: What Teenagers Are Learning from Online Porn

#110

Post by sexoffender » Wed, Feb 07, 2018, 5:55 PM UTC

JCSato wrote: post #99

sexoffender wrote: post #37

My oldest son recently developed a porn habit in secret, and the things we saw in his search history showed a clear progression from googling "boobs" and "nudity" to "pissing" and "bondage". Pornography isn't even close to what it was 30 years ago when you for the most part only saw it in nudie mags that your dad had (or friend had who stole it from his dad). Today, kids have easy access to a wealth of horrifying and…

If I was a kid who's parents were actively monitoring my search activity, cutting off my access to the internet as a whole because of porn, and were trying to equate me watching porn because I'm going through puberty (presumably) with throwing away meaningful relationships in my future. . .what that teaches me is to never, ever go to my parents for any problems I have remotely related to sex, because their draconian.…

We've never let them have free reign to screens, whether computer or TV or phone, because there's a whole host of other problems that come from that. So it's not like we're taking internet away from them and that they're used to it. We've been teaching each one, the other they get, how to use computers and the internet responsibly, and we've always supervised to make sure they're not accidentally running into something. But a search for some Magic the Gathering cards on eBay is what started this, when he accidentally saw an image of a nude woman in the results, and decided to google it behind our backs on the family computer (while my wife and the younger were in the same room!) and since he broke that level of trust with us, and showed a complete lack of understanding of the gravity of his actions, we had to take stronger measures against this disease in his mind that led him to put his younger siblings in danger of seeing something far more confusing and graphic than they're ready to at their ages.