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The CLARA Method of De-Escalation

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Re: The CLARA Method of De-Escalation

#71

Post by hammock »

vinceguidry wrote: post #42

Occasionally when dealing with irrational people I have found it useful to match their energy level. So if they're yelling, you start raising your voice too. And you take whatever it is they're saying seriously . And if you have an objection, you state that objection. Then you continue the argument until the raised voices seem pointless and you both just calm down. I had to learn this technique when I was living with…

There is a concept of persuasion in NLP called "pacing and leading." The objective is to build rapport and then leverage it to your advantage. Essentially you first match what they're doing, so if they are sprinting on a track you sprint and run along side them (rather than trying to walk and expect them to keep up) so you are pacing. Then when you are alongside each other and in contact so to speak, you can either increase or decrease the pace gradually and they will follow you. The running idea is a metaphor here for "energy" or whatever you want to call it.

Re: The CLARA Method of De-Escalation

#72

Post by [deleted] »

vinceguidry wrote: post #60
afro88 wrote: post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"irrational people" != people with "undiagnosed and untreated personality disorders" I just think it's important to iterate that. At the beginning of your comment it seems like you're offering a different general approach to the general approach given in the article.

Hmm. I didn't understand that they had such crosses to bear at the time. I just knew that they were acting irrationally. If they were rational, then remaining calm would have worked. It didn't, so I needed a different approach. I didn't work out until later that they had PDs and what that meant. Nobody can know that another person has a PD until a pattern of interactions makes it clear. Also, as you can see further d…

[deleted]

Re: The CLARA Method of De-Escalation

#73

Post by emmelaich »

vinceguidry wrote: post #60
afro88 wrote: post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"irrational people" != people with "undiagnosed and untreated personality disorders" I just think it's important to iterate that. At the beginning of your comment it seems like you're offering a different general approach to the general approach given in the article.

Hmm. I didn't understand that they had such crosses to bear at the time. I just knew that they were acting irrationally. If they were rational, then remaining calm would have worked. It didn't, so I needed a different approach. I didn't work out until later that they had PDs and what that meant. Nobody can know that another person has a PD until a pattern of interactions makes it clear. Also, as you can see further d…

Not that it applies to your case particularly but ...

> remaining calm

is not always right. I know people who see 'being calm' in the face of anger or provocation as being apathetic -- somewhat lifeless and inhuman. Which enrages them.

Anger is a normal human emotion -- don't overdo it and don't underdo it.

This calibration might take most of your life.

Re: The CLARA Method of De-Escalation

#74

Post by madaxe_again »

colanderman wrote: post #67
madaxe_again wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’ve found, much to my chagrin, that anger seems to be a much better way to achieve what you want than being pleasant and diplomatic. Cases in point: ecommerce retailer offers next day shipping, but nothing arrives. I chase. “Oh it’s out of stock”. “It said in stock on your site... i’ll have X instead”. A week later, still nothing. “Oh it’s in the post”. A week later, still nothing, still “in the post”. I ask for a r…

I've found that contacting directors and explaining politely , but bluntly, why you are upset at the service their employees are providing, works wonders. No need to be rude.

I was polite and pleasant in my first half dozen emails - but after several weeks of being ignored, the gloves came off and I got an immediate resolution. Many business owners don’t give a tiny damn about their customers, but all business owners care about legal embuggerances.

Re: The CLARA Method of De-Escalation

#75

Post by numismatex »

vinceguidry wrote: post #42

Occasionally when dealing with irrational people I have found it useful to match their energy level. So if they're yelling, you start raising your voice too. And you take whatever it is they're saying seriously . And if you have an objection, you state that objection. Then you continue the argument until the raised voices seem pointless and you both just calm down. I had to learn this technique when I was living with…

It's called pacing, mirroring and leading in the NLP arenas.

Re: The CLARA Method of De-Escalation

#76

Post by vinceguidry »

emmelaich wrote: post #73
vinceguidry wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hmm. I didn't understand that they had such crosses to bear at the time. I just knew that they were acting irrationally. If they were rational, then remaining calm would have worked. It didn't, so I needed a different approach. I didn't work out until later that they had PDs and what that meant. Nobody can know that another person has a PD until a pattern of interactions makes it clear. Also, as you can see further d…

Not that it applies to your case particularly but ... > remaining calm is not always right. I know people who see 'being calm' in the face of anger or provocation as being apathetic -- somewhat lifeless and inhuman. Which enrages them. Anger is a normal human emotion -- don't overdo it and don't underdo it. This calibration might take most of your life.

Good thoughts. :)
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