Won't someone, who applies this technique often enough, need some psychological help? So that we help customers here and ruin brains of these who do listen and try to calm down all these angry people? I think there is an analogy of conservation of energy law that could be applied to psychology...
The CLARA Method of De-Escalation
21–30 of 76 posts
Re: The CLARA Method of De-Escalation
#22I can totally relate to this from both perspectives (being pissed off at someone, and trying to calm somebody pissed off) and seeing how both approaches work/dont work. Not too long ago I opened a dispute with Ryanair about what I thought was quite obvious their own issue for which I should be refunded (I provided screenshots and everything). I've reached out to their customer support expecting to raise a simple issu…
> they still have the same bug on their website, ...
Interesting what's the bug?
I have fallen for some of Ryanair's evil design tricks which have costed me money, but if there's a __bug__, wonder what is it.
Re: The CLARA Method of De-Escalation
#23What also gets me angry is if they leave no way for me to get back in contact with the same support-person after chatting with them.
Re: The CLARA Method of De-Escalation
#24First of all, take a deep breath to take yourself out of "fight-mode". Then when you got your brain back you can take these steps.
Easier said than done though, right?
Re: The CLARA Method of De-Escalation
#25I can totally relate to this from both perspectives (being pissed off at someone, and trying to calm somebody pissed off) and seeing how both approaches work/dont work. Not too long ago I opened a dispute with Ryanair about what I thought was quite obvious their own issue for which I should be refunded (I provided screenshots and everything). I've reached out to their customer support expecting to raise a simple issu…
> they still have the same bug on their website, ... Interesting what's the bug? I have fallen for some of Ryanair's evil design tricks which have costed me money, but if there's a __bug__, wonder what is it.
Ryanair allows you to change booking for a fee, as long as its not less than 5hrs before the flight.
Bug is that this feature is basically broken and I couldn't change the booking even more than 12hrs before the flight. The button for selecting a different flight does not work (you can search for different flights but cannot select one).
Because of this I was forced to book a different flight separately, which was more expensive than simply changing the existing flight.
Re: The CLARA Method of De-Escalation
#26I have friends in politics and I have even run for office (School Board 17 people ran for 5 positions and 4 were re-elections I got 6th :( but my friend I was running with she got 5th :).
My job every election is to go to where the screamers and yellers are. For some reason the election official leaves these people outside that will yell and throw a tantrum if anyone even mentions a different opinion, which lowers voter turnout. So I stand there for either 20 minutes or 2 hours until I can get people to start dialoguing with me. It can be painful but I actually go through these exact steps and until someone is felt heard and emotionally calmed down and they will never care about a single word you say.
I hear how my friend has tens of thousands of dollars spent on his Man Cave in his basement and made all these crooked deals that they have proof of. I stand there and say have you been in his basement? He has a 20" TV a drum kit for 20 years ago and an ugly green carpet. I also want to say that he actually has personal debt and why would he be in the hole if he was raking in the money but ...
People just love to feel like they have superior knowledge to anyone they disagree with. This is why debates never change eachother's mind, because we hold on to certain "facts" when in all honesty they are opinion or speculation at best.
Re: The CLARA Method of De-Escalation
#27Earlier quoted context omitted.
Regarding bad reviews, I feel for you. I am close to someone who is a good person, but seems unable to stop himself from leaving scathing reviews. If it's any consolation, I really believe that 1) trauma he experienced at a young age contributes to this behavior and 2) if he knew the person who produced the product and understood the difficulties they faced during its production, he would not do it.
I don't understand - do you think it's wrong to leave a critical review? Why should be stop himself leaving them if the product was bad? And whatever difficulties caused a product to be bad are irrelevant in a review of the product. People just want to know if it's bad or not.
The tone matters, I think. Think of how teachers leave a critical review of an assignment, versus the rants you see online. Both are often unpalatable, but the scale of the first kind often seems justified.
Often one feels that one aspect of the product underperformed, while the others were on target, but the reviewers fly off the handle.
Re: The CLARA Method of De-Escalation
#28So is this why when you phone up your broadband provider to complain that the service is down yet again, you get the incredibly infuriating nonsense about how sorry they are and how much it means to them that your service isn't working, before completely failing to do anything about it?
Re: The CLARA Method of De-Escalation
#29I can totally relate to this from both perspectives (being pissed off at someone, and trying to calm somebody pissed off) and seeing how both approaches work/dont work. Not too long ago I opened a dispute with Ryanair about what I thought was quite obvious their own issue for which I should be refunded (I provided screenshots and everything). I've reached out to their customer support expecting to raise a simple issu…
I’ve found, much to my chagrin, that anger seems to be a much better way to achieve what you want than being pleasant and diplomatic.
Cases in point: ecommerce retailer offers next day shipping, but nothing arrives. I chase. “Oh it’s out of stock”. “It said in stock on your site... i’ll have X instead”. A week later, still nothing. “Oh it’s in the post”. A week later, still nothing, still “in the post”. I ask for a refund. “Our policy forbids it.”
So I find the email addresses of the company directors and send them a blistering email full of threats and insults. I get a refund 20 minutes later.
Other case: company installs satellite dish on roof. Stops working very next day. Ask them to come back. “Thursday.”. Three months on they’re still saying “Thursday”, so I threaten court action in a blindingly rude phone call in which I call him names and belittle him. He turns up an hour later and fixes it, apologises.
When I ran my own business, I would always end up giving the shoutiest nastiest motherfuckers the most attention, to the detriment of the people who asked nicely - the squeaky wheel gets the grease, and most people will act to avoid conflict. I certainly do. I’m just as guilty.
I loathe this aspect of human nature, as it just generates unnecessary grief for all parties involved.
A society that refuses the carrot is doomed to the rod.
Re: The CLARA Method of De-Escalation
#30What also gets me angry is if they leave no way for me to get back in contact with the same support-person after chatting with them.
"Can I have your name [again]?"
"Could you please transfer me to [name] as they were helping me out previously with this issue?"