The CLARA Method of De-Escalation
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The CLARA Method of De-Escalation
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Re: The CLARA Method of De-Escalation
#2This is basically Non Violent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg). First you need to address their feelings (empathy), to make contact, then proceed to reason and find a solution (strategy). Solution doesn't mean that the problem is gone, but could mean that the situation is accepted.
Re: The CLARA Method of De-Escalation
#3This technique is extremely powerful in parenting. These are exactly the steps you take to reason with a toddler. Before anything else you have to get them out of their temper ta tantrum and articulating why they are angry. Then you segwey from listening to dialog.
Re: The CLARA Method of De-Escalation
#4Omg the pathetic nerds.... Get a life lol
Re: The CLARA Method of De-Escalation
#5This technique is extremely powerful in parenting. These are exactly the steps you take to reason with a toddler. Before anything else you have to get them out of their temper ta tantrum and articulating why they are angry. Then you segwey from listening to dialog.
But...
If you have to still do this with adults, it means the adults haven't learned to regulate their emotions well enough to listen to a rational argument even while they're upset. It's gotten so bad that some adults never listen to things they don't emotionally agree with, even when they're not initially upset (hearing contrary facts makes them upset). That is a catastrophe for rational thought and discourse.
If an adult or an adolescent routinely requires being engaged on an emotional level before they'll listen to your rational argument, then once you do engage them emotionally they will listen to anything you say, whether it's logic or pseudologic or rhetorical, semantically-null bullshit.
To elaborate a little bit...
Of course humans have all sorts of rational deficits. I never meant to imply they could be turned into Vulcans.
Putting too much emphasis on emotionally positive engagement over rational engagement leads to even worse emotional fragility and dependence than humans normally have. That leads to a constant preoccupation with the emotional side of interactions. And that indirectly atrophies their ability to evaluate incoming communication rationally, because they're constantly thinking about their own emotional state, or even worse the group emotional consensus of whatever groups they primarily identify as. That emotional evaluation interrupts rational evaluation.
I'm not advising people to eschew emotional engagement if they're in the business of persuasion, or in the business of keeping peace, or if keeping peace is a priority in a specific situation. I agree that that is sometimes needed, but I think it needs to be more limited in its application, and not the default approach for handling all disagreements. I don't think it works to create lasting rationally-based changes to concepts in someone's mind; when emotional evaluation (mostly) replaces rational evaluation, anyone who makes the listener feel good can get them to believe anything. All the valid rational arguments you use today can be undone tomorrow by someone else who has no rational arguments but can keep the listener engaged.
Re: The CLARA Method of De-Escalation
#6When I did phone technical support for a computer company, I received my share of angry customer calls. In addition to keeping calm at all times in response to angry statements, I would try to subliminally impart better customer behavior on all calls. Since this was in the days of Windows 95, I would often have to spell out DOS and Windows commands. If the command included an "I" like "regedit" or "sysedit", I would specifically say "I as in intelligent" for that letter. These were almost all fairly complicated issues like getting a modem to work in the days of Config.sys and IRQ conflicts and "Plug and Pray". Having a customer primed for intelligence couldn't hurt, as I was leading the customer through regedit and sysedit editing over the phone (no fancy remote control software existed).
Re: The CLARA Method of De-Escalation
#7This technique is extremely powerful in parenting. These are exactly the steps you take to reason with a toddler. Before anything else you have to get them out of their temper ta tantrum and articulating why they are angry. Then you segwey from listening to dialog.
But... If you have to still do this with adults, it means the adults haven't learned to regulate their emotions well enough to listen to a rational argument even while they're upset. It's gotten so bad that some adults never listen to things they don't emotionally agree with, even when they're not initially upset (hearing contrary facts makes them upset). That is a catastrophe for rational thought and discourse. If a…
Sadly, humans are not rational thinkers. "Never Split the Difference" is a good book about that. I recommend anyone to read it !
Re: The CLARA Method of De-Escalation
#8I'd be interested to see how this works in dealing with bad reviews. They often feel disenfranchised/slighted/wronged and not a few, angry.
I've been pretty effective in dealing with bad reviews for our app and lots of this method resonates with me.
As I'm systematizing the company a key area is putting in a process and tools for the team to handle bad reviews rather than me. So far however, it seems each situation and personality makes it difficult to pin down an effective process.
Re: The CLARA Method of De-Escalation
#9I'd be interested to see how this works in dealing with bad reviews. They often feel disenfranchised/slighted/wronged and not a few, angry. I've been pretty effective in dealing with bad reviews for our app and lots of this method resonates with me. As I'm systematizing the company a key area is putting in a process and tools for the team to handle bad reviews rather than me. So far however, it seems each situation a…
> So far however, it seems each situation and personality makes it difficult to pin down an effective process.
Well, obviously: using one-process-fits-all without appreciating local context is a recipe for disaster, isn't it?
Re: The CLARA Method of De-Escalation
#10Coincidentally on the frontpage together with the rant of Linus Torvalds