The day I accidentally killed a little boy • Hacker News Board

Re: The day I accidentally killed a little boy

#631

Post by ptaipale » Wed, Jan 10, 2018, 6:09 AM UTC

astura wrote: post #416

bryanlarsen wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"We're way too far down that rabbit-hole to address it" That's BS. Sweden has essentially zero pedestrian fatalities annually, and its overall traffic fatality rate is well under a quarter that of the US. There are two main components: reducing speed limits and spending money on infrastructure. Both of these are anathema in the US, but the refusal to do so is borderline criminal, IMO. http://www.visionzeroinitiative.…

You have to take into consideration cultural and social factors too. In my experience people in the US drive very dangerously no matter the traffic laws. One of the craziest encounters in my life was driving on a windy rural road and getting stuck behind a tractor. The road was so windy there was no passing zones for miles. It was frustrating, yes, but part of driving on that kind of road. Eventually a driver came be…

I have to disagree here. Americans drive pretty nice and relaxed. Not much different from e.g. Sweden or Germany.

But much more relaxed than in Greece, Italy, China, or Thailand, or even Russia.

Re: The day I accidentally killed a little boy

#632

Post by lsc » Wed, Jan 10, 2018, 6:53 AM UTC

Aloha wrote: post #403

lsc wrote: post #375

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think that the lesson of the article is not that weirdos or strangers make the world a dangerous and ugly place, but that we, the regular people who vote for and move to areas with zoning densities that make public transit impractical, who commute long distances in cars, make the world a dangerous and ugly place. Every time we get into a car, we are choosing to take a risk not only with our own life, but with the l…

I don't think this is the argument the author of the article was trying to send at all. This accident could have just as easily happened in a dense urban core, as it could have in suburbia. The message was something else - sometimes, bad things just happen to people, and there is little you can do about it other than move on, and learn from the experiences.

To be clear, my mentioning of dense urban cores was only because they make public transit more practical. Many dense urban cores in America don't choose public transit.

You may be correct about the authors intent; I maybe should have attached this to one of the threads where fathers talk about their vigilance in protecting their young, but I usually avoid talking directly about children and how they should be raised, because being someone who doesn't have or want children, my words often sound more offensive than I intend.

Re: The day I accidentally killed a little boy

#633

Post by BrandoElFollito » Wed, Jan 10, 2018, 6:53 AM UTC

drewm1980 wrote: post #473

androck1 wrote: post #400

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The lesson of this article is that unfortunate things, that come with a lifetime of grief, happen to good people. And perhaps more importantly, that empathy and understanding are incredibly powerful. It is true that we should take "the responsibility of driving a lot more seriously, and treating driving as something risky" but treating this as a story about driving less broadly misses the point.

I agree with you about how the article is written, but "bad things happen to good people" isn't an idea that will save lives. "Find a way to stop driving, because it IS your fault if you kill someone with your automobile" is. She chose to drive, killed someone as a direct result of her decision, and then chose to continue driving. She was surround by car culture enablers (her dad immediately fixing the car instead of…

We live in a world where almost all of our actions have, somewhere, a negayive impact.

Wd usebplastic, wrong for ecology. We wear t-shirts, manufactured by poor people in China. We watch TV, whuch uses electricity bad for the environment. We drive i syead of walking, we eat non-sustainable stuff.

I could go on, and show how much of our "choices" are wrong and how, everyday, we "decide to make them".

So this boils down to either mental sanity or some kind of Amish life.

Re: The day I accidentally killed a little boy

#634

Post by drewm1980 » Wed, Jan 10, 2018, 7:10 AM UTC

jacquesm wrote: post #248

dm319 wrote: post #223

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm hoping one day we'll look back on car driving as something as horrendous as gladiatorial entertainment in Rome. In the UK we have 1 child killed and 37 seriously injured every week.

Self driving cars will not solve this problem unless they collectively decide not to drive any more. A better solution would be to set towns and cities up in such a way that the various traffic streams are separated vertically.

Some people are not capable of transporting their own bodies, and we're always going to need motorized transport for them. Self driving cars will be super-human in most of the ways that matter for driving (reaction time, constant vigilance, ability to analyze a scene in all directions, experience gathered from an entire fleet of cars). I hate cars, but I'm hopeful they'll be so much better and also so much more expensive, that we'll have a much smaller, much safer fleet of them, and humans driving in most circumstances will be banned.

Re: The day I accidentally killed a little boy

#635

Post by drewm1980 » Wed, Jan 10, 2018, 7:22 AM UTC

CalRobert wrote: post #347

rdiddly wrote: post #207

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And all of you saying "same here" because your children are so precious, you all swore off driving cars, right? Because other people's children are precious?

Umm, pretty much. Sold my car, moved to Europe, commute by bike. I do rent a car now and then when it can't be avoided and in those scenarios I drive with extreme caution. The US has a 9/11 every month on the roads and almost nobody there gives a shit. I never understood it.

Same story for me. In the USA you're seen by many of your peers as a crazy reckless daredevil for riding to work. Here in Ghent, Belgium you're just another guy riding to work. During rush hour it feels a bit like critical mass did back in the states.

Re: The day I accidentally killed a little boy

#636

Post by AstralStorm » Wed, Jan 10, 2018, 8:47 AM UTC

todd8 wrote: post #458

jablan wrote: post #447

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you have some numbers to support your claims?

Yes, From CDC: > In large central metro areas, those aged 35–44 years (2.08), 45–54 years (2.60), 55–64 years (2.60), 65–74 years (3.36), 75–84 years (5.19), and ≥85 years (5.24) had statistically higher death rates than those in the same age groups at other urbanization levels. [1] [1] https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/mm6215a1.htm

Does this hold adjusted for miles driven?

Re: The day I accidentally killed a little boy

#637

Post by nkrisc » Wed, Jan 10, 2018, 9:44 AM UTC

Xeoncross wrote: post #530

nkrisc wrote: post #512

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is there any proof these prophecies were written before the events occurred? The simplest explanation is that they were written after the events then pointed to as prophecies to prove the texts are prophetic. That would align very well with what we know about the world and the deceit Man is perfectly capable of. While many people collectively editing and revising a text over millennia is certainly impressive, there i…

Yes, that's a common explanation. https://www.neverthirsty.org/bible-qa/qa-archives/question/w...

That doesn't really answer anything. I'm not debating that Jesus existed. But using the Bible as evidence for the Bible doesn't hold water.

Re: The day I accidentally killed a little boy

#638

Post by DoreenMichele » Wed, Jan 10, 2018, 9:50 AM UTC

Xeoncross wrote: post #50

Such a sad story. > "The voice said in this very biblical, Old Testament, angry way" Is this what people consider "biblical"? An angry person? I've spent years reading the Pentateuch, writings, and new testament and I don't see this voice (I assume she means "God") as angry at all. Quite the opposite actually, as the narrative is [to the Jews] about God restoring them despite their rebellion and sin and [to the Chris…

Is this what people consider "biblical"? An angry person?

Ever heard the expression hellfire and brimstone preacher? A lot of people are exposed to the Bible in pretty negative terms.

Re: The day I accidentally killed a little boy

#639

Post by madez » Wed, Jan 10, 2018, 9:57 AM UTC

treyfitty wrote: post #489

madez wrote: post #461

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I can relate to your story, but from your brothers side. Being bullied changes you, forever, and for the negative. Children can, and are, cruel to each other, and adults don't always step in. It can easily become a tolerated form of torture. I learned from that. I won't tolerate no amount of bullying, shaming, or excluding of an individual of groups I take care of or am part of. If they'd care it is not difficult for…

How did you learn to cope? My brother has lost all desire to fix the part inside him that will get to the coping stage. I agree with you that bullies themselves have been hurt and bullying is a way to deal with it. Ever since I found out my brother was bullied, I came to the realization that this social interaction may be a situation where your best defense against bullies is actually being a bully. I don’t want to b…

How did I learn to cope? How did I learn to cope with being bullied, having been bullied or how to deal with such situations as a bystander? Maybe I'll just answer all of them.

I'm not bullied any more, and can effectively defend myself now.

I'm not sure I learned to cope with having been bullied, or if I ever will. It is an invisible scar that shows itself in counterintuitive, suprising, and sometimes creeping ways. I don't know how to generically deal with it. Self-chosen social isolation is an intuitive way to deal with it, though I don't want it for myself.

I'm quite stubborn and don't easily give in to social pressure, so that might have made it easier for me. I'm also curious and want to try out new things, so I try to benignly ignore social conventions to see what happens and learn from that. This has made me in some aspects very social, because consciously refusing or experimenting with implicit social norms can lead to behaviour that is not often seen. For example, a coffeehouse is not for people to drink coffee even though that is the implicit convention; It is much easier, cheaper and more comfortable to drink a coffee at home. People go to coffeehouses for social interaction. I realize that and act accordingly. I just go to people I'd like to talk with and ask them if they feel like chatting. My experience with that has been astonishingly positive, so I assume my understanding is correct. But doing that is not easy for everyone because the fear of rejection is so strong, even when the decision to try it was made very consciously. Humans are masters at unconscious interpretation of behaviour and social situations. We know when and who to talk to about what because we dread social punishment so much. This is just one example, and I don't understand psychology very well including my own, but hey, at least I can share my experience. :)

I learnt how to act as a bystander from many experiences. There is a good german explanatory video that gives an introduction[0]. Key to stop bullying is to understand that passive bystanders make the situation for the victim significantly more painful. Those around can easily and effectively stop most bullying. If you are bullied it can help to call out passive bystanders directly and individually.

Deterrence absolutely works, and it is not necessary to bully others to build up deterrence. For instance adults can easily seem like demigods for children; unsurmountably strong, more knowledgeable and experienced, larger and heavier, with deeper lower voice and unmatchable social standing. This is why children don't often pick on adults.

[0] https://www1.wdr.de/mediathek/video/sendungen/quarks-und-co/...

Re: The day I accidentally killed a little boy

#640

Post by DoreenMichele » Wed, Jan 10, 2018, 10:17 AM UTC

treyfitty wrote: post #322

Ever since I became a father (2 months ago), I've been seeing the world as a dangerous and an ugly place. This is confounded with the fact that, a month ago, I came to find out that my brother was bullied in HS and was never the same. My brother has been out of high school for about 9 years now, but It took me 6 whole years to consider the possibility that something was wrong. I was in undergrad and focused on my stu…

The utter powerlessness of not being able to rewind to 9 years ago to be there for my brother gets at me. As does my fear and uncertainty of the life my son will be subjected to.

Everything I know suggests to me these two things are profoundly interrelated and that if you can sort out how it is you did not see your brother's distress and/or did not understand that it had to come from somewhere, you will feel more comfortable as a father.

That isn't a personal attack. I was molested as a child and I knew how to protect my sons from the same. I did not live with the kind of fear as a parent that you describe.

I never seem to know how to say such things properly. When I try to comment on it, it is frequently taken as an accusation and that is not remotely my intent. My hope is to help you find a constructive path forward so you can make your peace with the past and make your way more confidently into the future as a parent.

Best.