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Why Am I So Lazy?

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Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#111

Post by manigandham »

TeMPOraL wrote: post #76
manigandham wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Being lazy is not an attention deficit or hyperactivity. Most people can focus just fine, as they do when the deadline approaches. The situation described in the parent post is an issue of motivation and discipline, not attention. To be more clear as to the diagnosis: there is a definite difference between people who don't want to pay attention to certain tasks (the vast majority) and those who cant (the minority tha…

You're all wrong wrt. the scientific consensus :). The current consensus is that the ability to concentrate for longer periods on all the bullshit our modern lives are throwing at us is a normally distributed trait in the population, and ADHD is an arbitrary cutoff on that distribution. See https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=16090523 for details.

I'm not sure where I was off - having the ability to concentrate is different than using that ability, and many people are really in the latter group because of a lack of proper discipline and priorities but end up getting diagnosed all too easily as the former.

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#112

Post by jdavis703 »

pbhjpbhj wrote: post #85
bambax wrote: post #52

> I see this shit every day in other parents: “She hates to read!” “He’s lazy!” “She’s bad at math!” You are imprisoning your kid with your words, fuckers! That's spot on. It's really upsetting to hear people say that about children, especially people with authority (parents, grandparents). DON'T DO THAT! Or, if you have to do that (!?!) at least be positive. Don't tell a kid she's bad at math, tell her she's good at…

In think this has been shown to get worse results than praising effort. I call my kids out for being lazy when they're being lazy. Examples from this morning "I don't know what the second rucksack is": meaning "I can't be bothered getting it out the rucksack, you do it for me", my answer "You just want someone else to do it, stop being lazy and get it yourself". Also "I can't do it [take off my boots]": meaning "I do…

You're right, I'm always surprised when I see parents carrying their kid's scooter or bike back from the park. How do they instill grit in children if the "hard part" of things are always done for them (assuming of course the child is actually capable of doing such things). Now they shouldn't flat out call the child lazy, that harms self esteem. But it should be clear that their child is expected to bring home the scooter they were just so happily riding around on.

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#113

Post by dsego »

dudzik wrote: post #72
bambax wrote: post #52

> I see this shit every day in other parents: “She hates to read!” “He’s lazy!” “She’s bad at math!” You are imprisoning your kid with your words, fuckers! That's spot on. It's really upsetting to hear people say that about children, especially people with authority (parents, grandparents). DON'T DO THAT! Or, if you have to do that (!?!) at least be positive. Don't tell a kid she's bad at math, tell her she's good at…

I would like to add that praising can backfire as well. For example, if a child gets a good grade and you praise its intelligence instead of their work it seems that they won't put in the effort next time.[1] 1: http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1467-8624.2007....

I think this was me. Being praised as an intelligent kid, thought I didn't need to practice or study as hard. Being smug, possible narcissistic tendencies, thinking you're better than other kids. Then getting frustrated when other kids who shouldn't be smart do better etc. It can develop into a manipulative and damaged personality.

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#114

Post by mynameishere »

josephpmay wrote: post #7

From the little "Sloth" wrote, it sounds like it's possible she might have undiagnosed ADHD. As someone with ADHD myself, I instantly recognized the inability to get myself to start working on something until the last minute (even if I really, really want to do it) and the piles clothes (despite my propensity for cleanliness). Another hallmark of ADHD that many don't know about is bursts of almost manic productivity…

Just in case it's not clear, "Sloth" and the author of the column are the same person.

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#115

Post by shawnz »

ianai wrote: post #97
bambax wrote: post #52

> I see this shit every day in other parents: “She hates to read!” “He’s lazy!” “She’s bad at math!” You are imprisoning your kid with your words, fuckers! That's spot on. It's really upsetting to hear people say that about children, especially people with authority (parents, grandparents). DON'T DO THAT! Or, if you have to do that (!?!) at least be positive. Don't tell a kid she's bad at math, tell her she's good at…

Actually the thing to do is remove the violence of the language. Simply acknowledge whatever situation with no subjective statements. “Your math grade is a C. Would you like tutoring?” Violent language like your examples hurt people. Those hurts sum to resent and ultimately more violence. The following book goes into this in depth: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Marshall B. Rosenberg, Arun Gandhi

Has this technique been proven to be successful? Otherwise I don't think it's right to call it "the thing to do".

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#116

Post by sanderjd »

pbhjpbhj wrote: post #85
bambax wrote: post #52

> I see this shit every day in other parents: “She hates to read!” “He’s lazy!” “She’s bad at math!” You are imprisoning your kid with your words, fuckers! That's spot on. It's really upsetting to hear people say that about children, especially people with authority (parents, grandparents). DON'T DO THAT! Or, if you have to do that (!?!) at least be positive. Don't tell a kid she's bad at math, tell her she's good at…

In think this has been shown to get worse results than praising effort. I call my kids out for being lazy when they're being lazy. Examples from this morning "I don't know what the second rucksack is": meaning "I can't be bothered getting it out the rucksack, you do it for me", my answer "You just want someone else to do it, stop being lazy and get it yourself". Also "I can't do it [take off my boots]": meaning "I do…

I think there's an important distinction here: in "stop being lazy" it is a verb, an act which is temporary and can be overcome, while in "he is lazy" it is an adjective, an attribute which can all too easily be taken as an indelible personality trait. I think it's only the latter that can be harmful.

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#118

Post by foxhop »

bambax wrote: post #52

> I see this shit every day in other parents: “She hates to read!” “He’s lazy!” “She’s bad at math!” You are imprisoning your kid with your words, fuckers! That's spot on. It's really upsetting to hear people say that about children, especially people with authority (parents, grandparents). DON'T DO THAT! Or, if you have to do that (!?!) at least be positive. Don't tell a kid she's bad at math, tell her she's good at…

I try (although its hard) to avoid both positive and negative "x is y" phrases. Instead I try to frame it as growth mindset.

"Wow, you have learned so much math this year because you worked really hard."

Re: Why Am I So Lazy?

#120

Post by jacobolus »

jdavis703 wrote: post #112
pbhjpbhj wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In think this has been shown to get worse results than praising effort. I call my kids out for being lazy when they're being lazy. Examples from this morning "I don't know what the second rucksack is": meaning "I can't be bothered getting it out the rucksack, you do it for me", my answer "You just want someone else to do it, stop being lazy and get it yourself". Also "I can't do it [take off my boots]": meaning "I do…

You're right, I'm always surprised when I see parents carrying their kid's scooter or bike back from the park. How do they instill grit in children if the "hard part" of things are always done for them (assuming of course the child is actually capable of doing such things). Now they shouldn't flat out call the child lazy, that harms self esteem. But it should be clear that their child is expected to bring home the sc…

Toddlers are pretty good at psychological manipulation (combination of genetic cuteness + constant practice) and some parents aren't very resilient against it.

Learning to fake cry to get adults to do things is pretty much the first intentional communication a baby learns as far as I can tell.

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