Earlier quoted context omitted.
Don't forget PHP! Despite it's reputation, it's gotten quite a large speed boost, a lot of new features (like typing!), And a lot more! It's shooting to be what Java always felt like it should have been in my eyes.
I've looked into modern PHP for a new potential job, and it looks like it adopted a lot of Java features in the past few years. But one thing that really unsettles me is that anonymous functions need the `use` keyword to manually capture variables from lexical scope, which seems completely stupid and I don't know why they went that route instead of inferring this data from -- wait for it... -- lexical scope.
But while it still has it's warts, it's a refreshingly nice language to work in compared to many others, and I'm honestly a little sad I don't really use it any more at my job.