Ask HN: How did you meet your spouse?

I met my wife on a dating website (plenty of fish). This is not an indicator that dating sites are effective, they had failed me for at least 10 years previously (ie I tried online dating off and on for 10 years with no success). So dating sites hadn't changed, but I had changed. Younger me wouldn't have messaged the woman who became my wife. Over time I had learned what my "must haves": job/career, independence, intelligence, compatible sense of humor.

How did I know? I have a farting problem at times, and I crop dusted a store we were in, then she did the same thing. We laughed and laughed.

She's not my spouse yet, but will be soon enough, assuming she says yes.

We were developers together at a previous job.

Met her back in elementary school...Started long distance in college, got married last year and still long distance...

A mutual friend introduced us because she was interested in volunteering to mentor kids, and I was already doing it.

I knew because it just felt obvious. Can't really say it any other way.

Married 7 years next spring. I'd say through everything, the most important thing is, no matter how unpleasant it gets, keep communicating. Like someone else said, don't bottle things up and let resentment grow. Talk it out. Text it out, whatever it takes.

And yes, you have to put energy into making it work. You were after all two completely separate people for decades, whose lives have now merged in the most intimate way.

I met my wife at the Barrels camp in the Paw dungeon in EverQuest. We had a good time and added each other to our friends list. As we played together more often we grew closer and became actual friends. We started a guild together (which bombed) and branched out into playing other games as well. We moved to City of Heroes and then World of Warcraft. Eventually I grew the nerve to tell her I'd fallen for her as more than a friend. It took some time but eventually she admitted that she reciprocated.

I knew she was the one when I realized that anything I played would be better with her involved. This was easily extended so that I knew anything (game or not) I did would be better with her involved. I've been proven correct so far :)

Aside: it's fun to tell people I met my wife in a dungeon, with a pause before I say "in a video game".

Edit to expand: We had our 7th anniversary in October and we were together a while before getting hitched. To answer your question, relationships take a combination of effort and initial chemistry. My wife and I had shared interests from the start which helped build a foundation to handle life's trials as we grew up together.