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Why some men won't dance

bbc.co.uk

21–30 of 39 posts

Re: Why some men won't dance

#21
post #2

If you absolutely refuse to dance, it may be a sign of schizotypical personality disorder, or avoidant personality. These things can wreck your life if you let them. At least read about them and be aware.

Great. Now apply that argument to singing and see how it works out.

Re: Why some men won't dance

#22
post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm curious why you'd request OP not to post that? I tend to think that all topics should be able to be freely discussed provided they're relevant, and the conversation sincere.

Implicit in your comment is the belief that the OP's comment was relevant and sincere. I don't believe it was. For one, it would mean a huge percentage of the population has a schizotypical personality disorder, or avoidant personality. For another, there is a strong cultural effect on dance popularity. There are areas where dancing is banned due to religious prohibitions. (The movie "Footloose" is based on that prem…

There's also no such thing as "schizotypical" personality disorder. It's schizotypal.

Re: Why some men won't dance

#23
post #5

To be honest I never saw the appeal in this sort of activity. What made it worse were people who insisted that I participate. Interesting how this is one of the very few things were social pressure is alive and well(as exemplified by the article, which fails to ask why should people dance in the first place).

>To be honest I never saw the appeal in this sort of activity.

You can walk up to a girl, who in any other situation would smack you for it, ask her to dance and if she says yes (and she is likely to, unless you stink) touch her and spend several minutes close to her.

I mean maybe you are super good looking, but if you are not and have a crush, dancing is a huge social hack. Plus as with everything that is challenging it is kinda fun (and not a bad way to get your steps in, if you are on the step-counter team).

Re: Why some men won't dance

#24
post #5

To be honest I never saw the appeal in this sort of activity. What made it worse were people who insisted that I participate. Interesting how this is one of the very few things were social pressure is alive and well(as exemplified by the article, which fails to ask why should people dance in the first place).

Good point, perhaps it's because dance can be seen as a form of expression. To a greater extent, if someone refused to talk but had the ability to you would probably think something weird of them. But probably wouldn't question that from a social pressure perspective.

“I’m going to go to the middle of the room and improvise some poetry, just say whatever I’m moved to say in the moment, maybe riff on some motifs I’ve adopted or invented on previous such occasions. Want to stand next to me and do that too, at the same time? What? You don’t? Why not? Just be loose. Oh, some music is coming on. Just sing whatever pops into your head. Sing it confidently. No one’s listening.”

Re: Why some men won't dance

#25
post #2

If you absolutely refuse to dance, it may be a sign of schizotypical personality disorder, or avoidant personality. These things can wreck your life if you let them. At least read about them and be aware.

How does it relate?

Dancing, singing and similar ways of expressing emotions are terrifying for schizotypal people. It can be an early warning.

I'm using the opportunity to promote awareness. I've been diagnosed with a very similar disorder. For 30 years I used to think it's perfectly normal to lash out when someone speculates about your romantic relationships, suggests going to a party or dancing. I ended up alone, and not in the "single" sense, but people - often my best friends - gradually stopped contacting me, one by one, for no apparent reason and without saying anything. I thought I just was "shy" or "introverted". But my behaviour qualifies as extreme introversion, and I was just responding with verbal aggression (offense is best defense) because I felt threatened and naked when someone inquired about my emotions.

Schozotypal personality disorder can wreck your life, I know because I am in this situation and it takes a lot of effort and self-discipline to recover. One of most common side effects is severe depression. Schizotypal people fear emotional contact, but at the same time they crave it and close relationships and friendships. Gollum, Groke from Moomins, Zampano from "La Strada".

It doesn't help people see I don't visibly express emotions and conclude I don't feel them. At best they say I'm stoic, at worst - a psychopath.

A personality like that has far-reaching consequences. In Europe, or at least in Poland, it is customary to eat everything clean to show you like it very much and to please your host. In Asia it's the opposite. You're sopposed to leave a token piece of food to show the host has given enough to feed everyone. In both cases, you want to please your host - but you use radically different approach. You can draw opposite conclusions from the same idea. How does it relate to being schizotypal ? If you're very uncomfortable discussing your emotions, family relationships, etc... you don't ask other people about that either, because you assume other people are like you. People judge others by themselves. The result is that people thing you're an egoist because you don't ask others about their emotional well-being. And because you often keep a poker face, your ability to read emotions of others is a bit impaired too.

Re: Why some men won't dance

#26
post #3
post #2

If you absolutely refuse to dance, it may be a sign of schizotypical personality disorder, or avoidant personality. These things can wreck your life if you let them. At least read about them and be aware.

Please don't post this sort of thing on a public forum.

Why ? Because you're going to bully me ?

Re: Why some men won't dance

#27
post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm curious why you'd request OP not to post that? I tend to think that all topics should be able to be freely discussed provided they're relevant, and the conversation sincere.

Implicit in your comment is the belief that the OP's comment was relevant and sincere. I don't believe it was. For one, it would mean a huge percentage of the population has a schizotypical personality disorder, or avoidant personality. For another, there is a strong cultural effect on dance popularity. There are areas where dancing is banned due to religious prohibitions. (The movie "Footloose" is based on that prem…

Schizotypal / Schizoid and avoidant are currently much less studied than Asperger's Syndrome (which is becoming glamorous), depression, psychopathy, schizofrenia or bipolar. How do you know ? There are reasons to believe avoidant/schizotypal/schizoid can be related to childhood trauma. More than 0.01% have some kind of childhood trauma, and they mostly go undetected.

Zampano from the movie "La Strada" just screams "Schizotypal", but if you put the two in a search engine - it hasn't occurred to anyone.

Re: Why some men won't dance

#28
post #27
post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Implicit in your comment is the belief that the OP's comment was relevant and sincere. I don't believe it was. For one, it would mean a huge percentage of the population has a schizotypical personality disorder, or avoidant personality. For another, there is a strong cultural effect on dance popularity. There are areas where dancing is banned due to religious prohibitions. (The movie "Footloose" is based on that prem…

Schizotypal / Schizoid and avoidant are currently much less studied than Asperger's Syndrome (which is becoming glamorous), depression, psychopathy, schizofrenia or bipolar. How do you know ? There are reasons to believe avoidant/schizotypal/schizoid can be related to childhood trauma. More than 0.01% have some kind of childhood trauma, and they mostly go undetected. Zampano from the movie "La Strada" just screams "S…

Is your argument that there is a strong connection between people who don't want to dance and people who are schizotypal/avoidant? Or are you no longer talking about reasons why a large percentage of the male population does not dance?

Re: Why some men won't dance

#30
post #23
post #5

To be honest I never saw the appeal in this sort of activity. What made it worse were people who insisted that I participate. Interesting how this is one of the very few things were social pressure is alive and well(as exemplified by the article, which fails to ask why should people dance in the first place).

>To be honest I never saw the appeal in this sort of activity. You can walk up to a girl, who in any other situation would smack you for it, ask her to dance and if she says yes (and she is likely to, unless you stink) touch her and spend several minutes close to her. I mean maybe you are super good looking, but if you are not and have a crush, dancing is a huge social hack. Plus as with everything that is challengin…

>You can walk up to a girl, who in any other situation would smack you for it, [...] touch her and spend several minutes close to her.

Wow that sounds pathetic. Sorry but why would you want to do that? These minutes may be better spent socialising with someone without a princess complex. There are enough fish in the pond, no need to make a fool of yourself!

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