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Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

economist.com

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Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#141

Post by sillysaurus3 »

throwaway413 wrote: post #127
sillysaurus3 wrote: post #101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, from the way you're talking about her, it sounds like you're being a bit dismissive about her void that she needs to fill. She has hopes and dreams, just like you. If you both met when you were teens, then she probably felt like her entire life was chosen by a teenager. And that's daunting for anyone. I know you're hurting. I've felt it. Sometimes it feels like the end of the world. But nothing happy will come…

I understand and get where you’re coming from. I appreciate it. But trust me when I say I have not ignored this hole at all. She is completely unaware of it. I’ve been trying to help her mend it subconsciously for years. Years. I can’t even get started on the ways how. But again, I get where you’re coming from. It’s just not like that. Trust me. If she was just bills to me - I would have stopped paying a long time ag…

Ah, yeah. I was reading a bit far into it.

Do you think she'd be willing to go to couple's therapy? It's very expensive but it can be worth it.

If you're ever looking for someone to just listen, let me know.

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#142

Post by aalleavitch »

hacker_9 wrote: post #8

I'd say this is more a problem with human nature, that social media is just exposing at a whole new level. It's basic biology to want to be the best, in order to attract the best mate etc. Social media has blown open a world where not only is there always someone better, more attractive, more fun, more social-able etc than you but also that the levels these people reach will always be unobtainable for you.

I think this is really it. Suicide rates have shot up 31% for boys and have over doubled for girls. I'd be willing to bet that a lot of that has to do with girls, who have always been subjected to unrealistic societal standards for attractiveness and an over-emphasis on how they compare to other women in appearance and social standing, now suddenly finding themselves in a situation where they are feeling pressured to compete on a global scale for these things over platforms like Instagram and subjected to feeling like they are constantly coming up short. I've heard a lot of anecdotes regarding the extreme escalation of efforts by girls to come off as more attractive/popular on social media in recent years. Their lives are now inundated with metrics by which they feel they have to compare themselves to others. That would make anyone anxious and depressed.

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#143

Post by throwaway413 »

askafriend wrote: post #125
throwaway413 wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I bounce between forgiving and forgetting - and telling her to fuck off. And 4K just for bills. Not including the every-other-day $200 trip to Whole Foods for shit to juice.

This is just silly man. I’m just going to come out and say it. I hope you’ve re-read what you yourself wrote here and realize how ridiculous it is. I urge you to take some people’s advice here and talk to a lawyer immediately, start cutting her off of her privilege, and stop enabling her actions. You’re doing her harm, you’re doing your kid harm, and you’re doing yourself harm. You’re not helping anyone in this situa…

Yeah...definitely rubber ducking this right now and it’s pretty clear...I’m glad I posted something. Haven’t had many people to talk to about this who don’t have an emotional connection to the situation.

But I mean seriously. I didn’t ask for this so I still love/d her. Tell the person you love, the mother of your child, that you’re done putting a roof over their head. It’s hard. I know that’s no excuse. I need to grow a pair. But fuck. It’s hard.

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#144

Post by [deleted] »

brndnmtthws wrote: post #85

If you take a train or a bus, or are in any other public space, you may notice that a bunch of people (young and old) spend their time staring into their phones. And most of the time, if you glance at their phone, you'll see they're on Instagram. They're staring into this machine fantasizing about some image of how great life is, meanwhile their real life is passing them by. And they wonder why they're not getting al…

[deleted]

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#145

Post by aquadrop »

brndnmtthws wrote: post #85

If you take a train or a bus, or are in any other public space, you may notice that a bunch of people (young and old) spend their time staring into their phones. And most of the time, if you glance at their phone, you'll see they're on Instagram. They're staring into this machine fantasizing about some image of how great life is, meanwhile their real life is passing them by. And they wonder why they're not getting al…

And they should be sitting on the train staring at other people? How is that better? They are actually communicating with tens of people while they have to sit in that train. Yes, someone look at instagram, someone just browsing internet or using chat or reading books etc. Smartphones didn't make people antisocial they just channel their attention where they like.

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#146

Post by throwaway413 »

k4ch0w wrote: post #87
throwaway413 wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We moved to a new city. I work full time (from home) as a SWE. She is a stay at home mom. She met new people on IG in our new city, made friends. I thought it was great. My wife has a hole deep inside her from years of childhood abuse. She has no career, is early 20s like myself, and has yet to figure herself out. As the months went by, she filled that hole more and more with her connections on IG and less with our f…

Hey man, I hope shit gets better for you. That sounds awful and I don't think it's that uncommon today.

Really really appreciate it...sharing is making me feel better.

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#147

Post by SolaceQuantum »

Having directed this to my teenaged younger sibling (he is intelligent and expressive) he explained in his view, teenagers have a poor prognosis for their career prospects and are aware of this. Technology allows them to be aware that life doesn’t look good for them, that they cannot look forward to retirement, to a stable long term career, that the amount of education and debt they will need to accrue is ever-increasing, that their success in this society will rely on using and stepping on others who will now have less as a result, if not in their own community then in the international stage. He attends one of the best schools in the nation and he believes most of his peers feel the same pressures both of their career prospects and their place in the greater international stage and all the things that are wrong with it that they cannot change because they cannot be in a position to change with any sense of ease (e.g. to have enough money to buy jeans not made via human exploitation requires an amount of success that feels as if it is becoming rarer,and even then how do you help people who cannot afford them to avoid exploiting other humans)

All in all, I think a growing awareness of the worlds problems and their individual struggles to be in a position for themselves is a pretty good reason for teenagers to feel more anxious and depressed.

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#148

Post by throwaway413 »

slv77 wrote: post #140
throwaway413 wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No, we haven’t gone to court, no alimony or payments - luckily she wants to avoid it because her parents had a very messy divorce in her childhood. I pay for her because honestly I’m scared of the lifestyle my child will live. She doesn’t work. She makes no money. She would be on the streets honestly. Doesn’t speak to either of her parents. I recently emptied our joint bank account save $100. She flipped. Every time…

Do some research into living with someone with borderline personality disorder. Only someone qualified can make the diagnosis but for those that may be involved with someone with bpd learning about bpd can help them better navigate the relationship, set boundaries and better protect their own mental health. The early childhood abuse, unstable relationships and “the void” seem like a strong fit.

Ok, thank you, I will look into BPD.

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#149

Post by throwaway413 »

sillysaurus3 wrote: post #141
throwaway413 wrote: post #127

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I understand and get where you’re coming from. I appreciate it. But trust me when I say I have not ignored this hole at all. She is completely unaware of it. I’ve been trying to help her mend it subconsciously for years. Years. I can’t even get started on the ways how. But again, I get where you’re coming from. It’s just not like that. Trust me. If she was just bills to me - I would have stopped paying a long time ag…

Ah, yeah. I was reading a bit far into it. Do you think she'd be willing to go to couple's therapy? It's very expensive but it can be worth it. If you're ever looking for someone to just listen, let me know.

Thank you, I appreciate your ears.

I have been trying to get her into couples counseling or even just individual counseling for over a year. She just never makes it happen. I started counseling individually 2 months ago. She came to 1 session, I booked her a follow up, but she cancelled it. She has theoretically agreed to couple counseling in the past, but now couldn’t be bothered.

She thinks her IG friends are her counselors, starting the echo chamber cycle.

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#150

Post by draw_down »

SolaceQuantum wrote: post #147

Having directed this to my teenaged younger sibling (he is intelligent and expressive) he explained in his view, teenagers have a poor prognosis for their career prospects and are aware of this. Technology allows them to be aware that life doesn’t look good for them, that they cannot look forward to retirement, to a stable long term career, that the amount of education and debt they will need to accrue is ever-increa…

They know they've been swindled. At some level, Boomers know it too, which is why they prefer to focus on the phone stuff. Millenials can't afford to buy houses because they pay too much for iPhones, not because their jobs pay shit and housing prices have gone way up and they're drowning in student debt. Et cetera.
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