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Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

economist.com

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Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#121

Post by hiram112 »

eeZah7Ux wrote: post #92
throwaway413 wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I bounce between forgiving and forgetting - and telling her to fuck off. And 4K just for bills. Not including the every-other-day $200 trip to Whole Foods for shit to juice.

> I bounce between forgiving and forgetting You need to talk to a psychologist.

Yes, but first he needs to contact a lawyer.

He has already made several fatal moves:

1. Left the marital home which the courts will consider abandonment. She just won legal custody.

2. He is paying her $4K or whatever a month without any judicial order. None of this will count towards future spousal or child support - instead it is a gift that establishes her minimum financial need.

3. He is (probably) not documenting, down to the minute, the time he spends with his child. Again, there goes custody.

4. The next call from the playbook will be to get him for domestic violence. As the man, it is absolutely irrelevant if there is proof or not (see the Duluth Model). He's not recording every interaction with her, though he should be.

If you do nothing else, start reading: http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewforum.php?f=12

- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duluth_model

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#122

Post by hellos123 »

SolaceQuantum wrote: post #100
brndnmtthws wrote: post #85

If you take a train or a bus, or are in any other public space, you may notice that a bunch of people (young and old) spend their time staring into their phones. And most of the time, if you glance at their phone, you'll see they're on Instagram. They're staring into this machine fantasizing about some image of how great life is, meanwhile their real life is passing them by. And they wonder why they're not getting al…

You realize back in the older days people did the exact same thing with books and newspapers? At least with phones we can talk with people we’re meeting up with.

I really hope you are kidding.

Books and newspapers have the power to enrich the mind with knowledge. Writing a book requires dedication and thought out arguments.

Apps are designed to get you hooked on rewards. Twitter allows people to communicate with each others, but if its just garbage coming out, then it does more harm than good. Look at the president.

Books are like fruits and vegetables. Apps are sugary drinks.

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#123

Post by throwaway413 »

filoeleven wrote: post #116
throwaway413 wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We moved to a new city. I work full time (from home) as a SWE. She is a stay at home mom. She met new people on IG in our new city, made friends. I thought it was great. My wife has a hole deep inside her from years of childhood abuse. She has no career, is early 20s like myself, and has yet to figure herself out. As the months went by, she filled that hole more and more with her connections on IG and less with our f…

I feel for you, that is a tough situation to be in. Having been in an emotionally abusive relationship myself, which sounds like what yours has developed into, I can kind of relate. I was neither married nor have children, and it was still very hard to disentangle myself from someone who was using me for stability. As others have said, you should probably talk to a lawyer since a child is involved. I also highly reco…

Really appreciate your comment. I consider myself a pretty progressive guy and I agree with your statements. It’s not about the multiple lovers, its the way she just decided to do it with no regard for me.

I did see a picture where we are happy in an open marriage. But not even close to the one that she is painting right now - the one she has gathered from the influence of IG influencers. And she has let me know many times she is not stopping.

Thanks for your insight.

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#124

Post by qball »

enord wrote: post #10

Did this trend start with social media? We are doing lots of stuff to teenagers these days that we didnt do before. They are beholden to expectations far narrower than we were. We treat them as adults in school (by making them responsible for their own performance through grading and measuring) from a very young age, yet we don't really cut the umbelical cord (grant them autonomy) until they're in their twenties. Soc…

>We treat them as adults in school (by making them responsible for their own performance through grading and measuring) from a very young age, yet we don't really cut the umbelical cord (grant them autonomy) until they're in their twenties.

It's inflation, pure and simple. (Alternately, any forced work without reward is called "slavery", and since it's [biologically speaking] totally fine to make slaves of the disenfranchised, that's why we're OK with doing it to children and low-status adults.)

You can't afford autonomy until you're in your mid-twenties even if you actually want it; good jobs for high school students stopped being a thing coincident with the decline of North American manufacturing (both the US and Canada have this problem; Europe's solution is to make everything free but this doesn't solve the motivation problem).

So one of two things have to happen. Either the education bubble gets popped by some external force (maybe you have to justify spending on a degree to get a loan, or we just ban employers from asking about certifications other than 'has completed Grade 10' unless the job actually requires specialized training, or we start training individuals for trade work much earlier than we do now), or the economy undergoes a rapid expansion (typically a war).

Either of those things will go a long way to fixing society's social media problem: once you have a shortage of manpower, the power of society/employers shrinks and stupid videos captured of you have much less an effect when you are less replaceable. Social authoritarianism always coincides with economic decline- you don't get to infantilize an adult and assume it'll have no effect on their children.

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#125

Post by askafriend »

throwaway413 wrote: post #41
dazc wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So all she needs now is 4K a month? Have you thought of what you'll do when she hits reality and comes back begging for forgiveness?

I bounce between forgiving and forgetting - and telling her to fuck off. And 4K just for bills. Not including the every-other-day $200 trip to Whole Foods for shit to juice.

This is just silly man. I’m just going to come out and say it.

I hope you’ve re-read what you yourself wrote here and realize how ridiculous it is.

I urge you to take some people’s advice here and talk to a lawyer immediately, start cutting her off of her privilege, and stop enabling her actions.

You’re doing her harm, you’re doing your kid harm, and you’re doing yourself harm. You’re not helping anyone in this situation by letting it go on like this and the soooner you recognize that, the better.

In fact, you’re making the situation worse with some of your actions. Talk to a lawyer. Talk to a lawyer. Talk to a lawyer. I can’t say it enough.

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#126

Post by Snackchez »

greeneggs wrote: post #94
brndnmtthws wrote: post #85

If you take a train or a bus, or are in any other public space, you may notice that a bunch of people (young and old) spend their time staring into their phones. And most of the time, if you glance at their phone, you'll see they're on Instagram. They're staring into this machine fantasizing about some image of how great life is, meanwhile their real life is passing them by. And they wonder why they're not getting al…

Or, perhaps they are being inspired. Planning their own art or adventure. If you're sitting on a train, why not? (Is reading a book equally objectionable, or is going to a museum?) It's rather offensive to judge people about whom you know nothing. (As is quoting President Trump as if he is an authority on anything.)

As this is n = 1, take this with a grain of salt, but as a high school teacher I can tell you that's definitely not what teenagers are doing with their phones the majority of the time. Your view is very optimistic; for the most part, kids are sending each other snaps and checking IG for high school drama, fashion, make up, gossip, memes, and those fitness inspo pics. That last observation comes from the fact that apart from teaching math, I occasionally teach a fitness class and get kids showing me these ridiculously fit (usually not natural) people pics on IG. They also really like YouTube.

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#127

Post by throwaway413 »

sillysaurus3 wrote: post #101
throwaway413 wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We moved to a new city. I work full time (from home) as a SWE. She is a stay at home mom. She met new people on IG in our new city, made friends. I thought it was great. My wife has a hole deep inside her from years of childhood abuse. She has no career, is early 20s like myself, and has yet to figure herself out. As the months went by, she filled that hole more and more with her connections on IG and less with our f…

Well, from the way you're talking about her, it sounds like you're being a bit dismissive about her void that she needs to fill. She has hopes and dreams, just like you. If you both met when you were teens, then she probably felt like her entire life was chosen by a teenager. And that's daunting for anyone. I know you're hurting. I've felt it. Sometimes it feels like the end of the world. But nothing happy will come…

I understand and get where you’re coming from. I appreciate it. But trust me when I say I have not ignored this hole at all. She is completely unaware of it. I’ve been trying to help her mend it subconsciously for years. Years. I can’t even get started on the ways how. But again, I get where you’re coming from. It’s just not like that.

Trust me. If she was just bills to me - I would have stopped paying a long time ago. We shared a deep deep connection. Why do you think I got married so young?

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#128

Post by folksinger »

greeneggs wrote: post #94
brndnmtthws wrote: post #85

If you take a train or a bus, or are in any other public space, you may notice that a bunch of people (young and old) spend their time staring into their phones. And most of the time, if you glance at their phone, you'll see they're on Instagram. They're staring into this machine fantasizing about some image of how great life is, meanwhile their real life is passing them by. And they wonder why they're not getting al…

Or, perhaps they are being inspired. Planning their own art or adventure. If you're sitting on a train, why not? (Is reading a book equally objectionable, or is going to a museum?) It's rather offensive to judge people about whom you know nothing. (As is quoting President Trump as if he is an authority on anything.)

I'd say that books and museums are problematic in very similar ways. Neither of those institutions are focused on reality. Both are contrary to human dialog and an unmediated existence.

When I'm sitting on the train I'm studying the people and things that I see around me, trying to look for the poetry in everyday life. I'm a songwriter but the approach works just as well with a travel set of watercolors and a sketchbook for the more visually inclined.

I have never seen good art being made by people who spend their time confusing Instagram for reality. If you have I would question wether you have the ability to recognize good from bad art. You must learn how to read before you can appreciate a good novel and the same applies to understanding other forms of art.

Good art will have a profound effect. It will literally give your life meaning and purpose. It will change the way you think about your society and your role in it.

Bad art is consumed like a fast-food hamburger. It might be superficially entertaining in the moment but will leave you feeling worse off after a few hours.

Good art doesn't need to appeal to the art critic or the marketplace but it must leave a deep satisfaction in the hearts and minds of those that take the time to appreciate it.

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#129

Post by SolaceQuantum »

hellos123 wrote: post #122
SolaceQuantum wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You realize back in the older days people did the exact same thing with books and newspapers? At least with phones we can talk with people we’re meeting up with.

I really hope you are kidding. Books and newspapers have the power to enrich the mind with knowledge. Writing a book requires dedication and thought out arguments. Apps are designed to get you hooked on rewards. Twitter allows people to communicate with each others, but if its just garbage coming out, then it does more harm than good. Look at the president. Books are like fruits and vegetables. Apps are sugary drinks…

Except back when books were popular to use like phones they were described as mind numbing and anti-intellectual entertainment for kids who are losing touch with the reality around them for the fantasy in books. We’re just switching tHe technology we’re blaming for the ills of the current day.

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#130

Post by nickthemagicman »

brndnmtthws wrote: post #85

If you take a train or a bus, or are in any other public space, you may notice that a bunch of people (young and old) spend their time staring into their phones. And most of the time, if you glance at their phone, you'll see they're on Instagram. They're staring into this machine fantasizing about some image of how great life is, meanwhile their real life is passing them by. And they wonder why they're not getting al…

This is purely speculation. I feel it's more the economic uncertainty, political situation, and questionable futures.
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