Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

economist.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

61–70 of 230 posts

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#61

Post by ifdefdebug »

enord wrote: post #10

Did this trend start with social media? We are doing lots of stuff to teenagers these days that we didnt do before. They are beholden to expectations far narrower than we were. We treat them as adults in school (by making them responsible for their own performance through grading and measuring) from a very young age, yet we don't really cut the umbelical cord (grant them autonomy) until they're in their twenties. Soc…

I think more dangerous than social media is the omnipresence of image recording devices. When I made a mistake as a teenager, people might laugh at me for a day or two, sooner or later it was forgotten. Today's teenager make a mistake and if they are unlucky, their shame gets immediately exposed to the whole world, forever.

I think this has to contribute a lot to today's anxiousness of teenagers - who hasn't been caught yet, should feel in constant danger. I would be anxious about this if i was a teenager today.

My kid is one and a half right now, in a few years I will have to explain him how important it is not to get taped doing stupid things...

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#62

Post by [deleted] »

throwaway613834 wrote: post #28
enord wrote: post #10

Did this trend start with social media? We are doing lots of stuff to teenagers these days that we didnt do before. They are beholden to expectations far narrower than we were. We treat them as adults in school (by making them responsible for their own performance through grading and measuring) from a very young age, yet we don't really cut the umbelical cord (grant them autonomy) until they're in their twenties. Soc…

> We treat them as adults in school (by making them responsible for their own performance through grading and measuring) from a very young age Really? I feel like even in college students don't always feel like they are responsible for their own performance & grades (and an honest one at that). Look at all the cheating and grade inflation and grading complaints (even by parents!!) that have gone towards becoming the…

[deleted]

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#63

Post by megaman22 »

adtac wrote: post #4

These days I use facebook just for its messenger. On my computer, I skip facebook.com and go to messenger.com directly. On mobile (I refuse to install their apps), I go to mbasic.facebook.com because Facebook doesn't let me access the messenger tab in the mobile facebook website, nagging me to install their messenger app. Messenger is a really useful tool to stay connected. Pretty much everyone I know is available th…

Messenger works better than the default SMS app on my Android phone, so I end up using it instead. The value of using the actual Facebook website does seem to be in serious decline. Either nobody I know is actually using it anymore, or they are filtering the shit out of the newsfeed - I see the same stories for days at a time.

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#64

Post by paganel »

timthelion wrote: post #54
taway_1212 wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Consumerism requires very high prioritisation of one’s career (as otherwise you won’t be able to afford all the nice stuff), which means working very hard, moving around the country/world for better jobs etc. This must come at the cost of friendships and family bonds.

I believe that it is actually unhappiness and loneliness which are the drivers of consumerism and not the other way around. I believe that happy people are lazy and I think that is why western civilization has outstripped the others. I think, that since our social bonds have been destroyed, we work hard to try to seek happiness that the other civilizations already have. And then our civilization spreads, like a disea…

> I believe that happy people are lazy

I’m now reading Marx’s “Grundrisse” and at some point, while he has just started explaining the essence of capital, he mentions the story of an English priest who on visiting the island of Jamaica complains that everyone in there is lazy, that they don’t want to work more in order to achieve more in life than just obtaining their daily food, and that was the way to disaster. When asked by said English priest on why they were working just enough to put some food on the table the Jamaicans answered him that there’s no reason for them to work more than strictly necessary, they’re happy with what they have.

Marx’s book was written in the 1850s so that I reckon that the English priest’s story dates from the early to the mid-1800s, i.e. when the Industrial Revolution was on full throttle in Britain.

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#65

Post by jghn »

std_throwaway wrote: post #30
throwaway613834 wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> We treat them as adults in school (by making them responsible for their own performance through grading and measuring) from a very young age Really? I feel like even in college students don't always feel like they are responsible for their own performance & grades (and an honest one at that). Look at all the cheating and grade inflation and grading complaints (even by parents!!) that have gone towards becoming the…

> In the adult world it's not like your mom can call your boss and complain about the fact that you got a bad review or something (at least not successfully...). Don't be so sure about that. Parents are starting to talk to university professors on behalf of their adult children.

That was the point they were making

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#66

Post by dudul »

stijnh wrote: post #58
throwaway413 wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We moved to a new city. I work full time (from home) as a SWE. She is a stay at home mom. She met new people on IG in our new city, made friends. I thought it was great. My wife has a hole deep inside her from years of childhood abuse. She has no career, is early 20s like myself, and has yet to figure herself out. As the months went by, she filled that hole more and more with her connections on IG and less with our f…

> Meanwhile I’m paying about ~$4k a month in just rent and car bills for her. Not including anything else. You are contributing to her horrific lifestyle. You need to cut everything off. There is no other way to save her and yourself.

How is he supposed to do so? If they were indeed married and went through a divorce there is likely a court order forcing him to pay for her lifestyle.

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#67

Post by watwut »

throwaway413 wrote: post #51
watwut wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A lot of it has a lot to do with what it is like to be stay at home and being socially isolated, imo. The problem would exist without IG still, it would just manifest differently. They could be real life friends and it could be exactly the same thing. When one of you is at home and the other most of the time at work and both of you have completely different lifestyle, the relationship with people who understand you a…

You’re right. I need to just stop paying her bills. I’m worried she’s going to get nastier and keep my child from me out of spite. And I hear you, but - I work from home. When I said “come home from work” I just meant it like...end of the day. I don’t know why I still use that phrase. Sometimes I go work at coffee shops or something, so then I’ll come home. Sure maybe I’m not as present, since I am working, but she h…

Whether you file or not, you should talk to lawyer. If all of your actions are motivated by child related fears, the lawyer can advise you on what to do to make sure you have access to kid and look good during potential divorce. Marriage counseling might be a good idea too. The relationship has zero chance to rebuild if both of you don't change. (She for obvious reasons and you basically so that you wont become victim of the same thing again. It sounds like the more you try, the less does she, then you try more, then she does even less. That is bad dynamic.)

If you by the end of your home work have to ask how was the day and then are surprised over those Facebook details, then there is not much difference against being at work from the relationship standpoint. I don't mean it as blame you, just that this would factor in into relationship social network present or not.

But you know, that does not explain polygamy part still. Not your fear of child being used against you.

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#68

Post by filoeleven »

ifdefdebug wrote: post #61
enord wrote: post #10

Did this trend start with social media? We are doing lots of stuff to teenagers these days that we didnt do before. They are beholden to expectations far narrower than we were. We treat them as adults in school (by making them responsible for their own performance through grading and measuring) from a very young age, yet we don't really cut the umbelical cord (grant them autonomy) until they're in their twenties. Soc…

I think more dangerous than social media is the omnipresence of image recording devices. When I made a mistake as a teenager, people might laugh at me for a day or two, sooner or later it was forgotten. Today's teenager make a mistake and if they are unlucky, their shame gets immediately exposed to the whole world, forever. I think this has to contribute a lot to today's anxiousness of teenagers - who hasn't been cau…

Social media is part of the equation for exposing the recordings though. If someone posts an embarrassing video of you, it won’t really affect you unless/until it goes viral to the point that the people in your social group, in real life or online, are aware of it.

Without image recording devices it would still be possible to share embarrassing text conversations and stories, but they don’t have the same shaming power as video. And without social media, embarrassing videos would mostly languish on some GeoCities backwater. It is the confluence of the two that creates the current situation.

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#69

Post by lumberjack »

throwaway413 wrote: post #45
Al-Khwarizmi wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Wow. This is a really sad story. I'm really sorry for you and hope you can get over this and find a better partner. Are you forced by the courts to pay her that $4K+/month? Because it would probably be better (not only for you, which is obvious, but for her) if you didn't.

No, we haven’t gone to court, no alimony or payments - luckily she wants to avoid it because her parents had a very messy divorce in her childhood. I pay for her because honestly I’m scared of the lifestyle my child will live. She doesn’t work. She makes no money. She would be on the streets honestly. Doesn’t speak to either of her parents. I recently emptied our joint bank account save $100. She flipped. Every time…

She does not sound mentally capable of nurturing a child. If I were you, I'd leverage my stable income job and stable background to try go get custody. You can still allow her to live with your child, but it is important that you are the one making important decisions about your child's upbringing, and to keep her safe. Talk to a lawyer.

Re: Teenagers are growing more anxious and depressed

#70

Post by exit »

throwaway413 wrote: post #45
Al-Khwarizmi wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Wow. This is a really sad story. I'm really sorry for you and hope you can get over this and find a better partner. Are you forced by the courts to pay her that $4K+/month? Because it would probably be better (not only for you, which is obvious, but for her) if you didn't.

No, we haven’t gone to court, no alimony or payments - luckily she wants to avoid it because her parents had a very messy divorce in her childhood. I pay for her because honestly I’m scared of the lifestyle my child will live. She doesn’t work. She makes no money. She would be on the streets honestly. Doesn’t speak to either of her parents. I recently emptied our joint bank account save $100. She flipped. Every time…

please speak to a lawyer if you haven't already
Post reply on HN