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Ask HN: I'm lonely. Are there any video chat support groups for solo founders?

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Re: Ask HN: I'm lonely. Are there any video chat support groups for solo founders?

#161

Post by TrinaryWorksToo »

lisper wrote: post #159

Loneliness is a vicious self-perpetuating cycle. It makes you depressed, which makes you want to wallow in self-pity, which makes people not want to be around you, which isolates you, which make you lonelier, which makes you more depressed. The only way to break the cycle (and I apologize if this sounds harsh, but it's really the only way) is to just give yourself a swift kick in the pants and fucking DO something ab…

This is so true. What I've realized is how hard it is to get to a place where I meet people. I'm in a place that's really only accessible by car, and I don't drive. Uber works sometimes, maybe often, but not always.

Re: Ask HN: I'm lonely. Are there any video chat support groups for solo founders?

#162

Post by lisper »

TrinaryWorksToo wrote: post #161
lisper wrote: post #159

Loneliness is a vicious self-perpetuating cycle. It makes you depressed, which makes you want to wallow in self-pity, which makes people not want to be around you, which isolates you, which make you lonelier, which makes you more depressed. The only way to break the cycle (and I apologize if this sounds harsh, but it's really the only way) is to just give yourself a swift kick in the pants and fucking DO something ab…

This is so true. What I've realized is how hard it is to get to a place where I meet people. I'm in a place that's really only accessible by car, and I don't drive. Uber works sometimes, maybe often, but not always.

> I'm in a place that's really only accessible by car, and I don't drive.

Then relocate. Or learn to drive. Or invite people over to your place. Anything will be more effective than complaining about your plight on HN.

Re: Ask HN: I'm lonely. Are there any video chat support groups for solo founders?

#163

Post by timthelion »

EGreg wrote: post #142

Please remember: Your friends don't have to do the same thing you do. Find people whose schedule matches yours and hang out with them! Also: go to meetups. Talk online with your developers (if you employ them) with screensharing etc. And your FAMILY -- the perfect opportunity to spend time with them. Don't let American mores of individualism keep you from spending way more time with your family.

Personally, I find that I feel perhaps even more lonely when I talk to people who don't understand what I do. Going out for a beer with "normal people" doesn't help with the loneliness of having ideas which no one else understands.

I feel that one of the main motivations/actions of an inventor is to try to communicate their ideas with others. I feel like my entire job is to live in a dream world, and to try to bring that dream world to the real world. So my entire job is spent mostly totally alone in a world that doesn't even exist, and that no one can visit.

Re: Ask HN: I'm lonely. Are there any video chat support groups for solo founders?

#165

Post by Giorgi »

lisper wrote: post #159

Loneliness is a vicious self-perpetuating cycle. It makes you depressed, which makes you want to wallow in self-pity, which makes people not want to be around you, which isolates you, which make you lonelier, which makes you more depressed. The only way to break the cycle (and I apologize if this sounds harsh, but it's really the only way) is to just give yourself a swift kick in the pants and fucking DO something ab…

This is useless, you can't "just smile" when you have depression, that's not how it works. You can't "just snap out of it"

Re: Ask HN: I'm lonely. Are there any video chat support groups for solo founders?

#166

Post by lisper »

Giorgi wrote: post #165
lisper wrote: post #159

Loneliness is a vicious self-perpetuating cycle. It makes you depressed, which makes you want to wallow in self-pity, which makes people not want to be around you, which isolates you, which make you lonelier, which makes you more depressed. The only way to break the cycle (and I apologize if this sounds harsh, but it's really the only way) is to just give yourself a swift kick in the pants and fucking DO something ab…

This is useless, you can't "just smile" when you have depression, that's not how it works. You can't "just snap out of it"

I'm not saying that "just smiling" is a magic incantation that will somehow make your depression vanish instantly. But you can "just smile" when you're depressed. It's not easy, but it's possible. I know because I've been there. The important thing about smiling is not what it does to you (although it turns out that merely smiling actually can make you feel better in and of itself) but what it does to those you interact with: it conceals the fact that you're depressed, and makes them more likely to want to interact with you, and that is what actually helps. But yes, it can take a little while to get over the hump.

Re: Ask HN: I'm lonely. Are there any video chat support groups for solo founders?

#167

Post by songzme »

TomMarius wrote: post #147
rm_-rf_slash wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Plenty of people pay lots of money to learn how to code. If someone is being paid to learn and work, isn’t that a pretty good deal?

It depends on what the exact deal is. I'm sure that in this particular case it is a good deal, however I've seen such jobs where they literally exploited these poor people.

yeah. My deal with them is to train them to become great engineers. No paperwork needed to enforce anything. They work with me 100% by choice and they know they could be getting a much higher salary somewhere else (and free to leave anytime).

Re: Ask HN: I'm lonely. Are there any video chat support groups for solo founders?

#168

Post by songzme »

pancho111203 wrote: post #158
songzme wrote: post #42

Personally, whenever I feel lonely I would go volunteer and help people. It makes you feel connected and really puts things into perspective (like, even if your startup doesn't do well, you would still be surrounded by people who enjoys you as a person). Every Saturday, my wife and I volunteer at our local library (northside branch in santa clara) to teach people how to code. We've been doing that for almost a year w…

Might I ask what kind of people attend your classes? I am thinking on volunteering on an institution which helps people with less social resources. Your idea sounds like a good way to give those people more possibilities, as you can learn to code without paying anything if you have an internet connection and enough motivation. What I'm afraid of is asking too much from them. Did your 10 engineers start with some back…

I try to get people from government assistance (people who really need it). Recently CalWorks agreed to pay each student I take from them $13/hour for up to 6 months, so that really helps lighten the load on my wallet. All of them come with very little computer knowledge, let alone math or cs background. One of them never took a math class in high school.

Don't ask too much from them if your goal is to help them. People with less social resources have confidence issues (even though most don't show it) so compliment them frequently and make sure to tell them what they are doing well. Let them take their time!

What works for for me is that I have my students teach more beginner students so it lightens my teaching load and I can focus leading the engineering team. If someone is having a hard time understanding something, they just keep teaching that topic over and over again until they get it.

Re: Ask HN: I'm lonely. Are there any video chat support groups for solo founders?

#169

Post by erikpukinskis »

Giorgi wrote: post #165
lisper wrote: post #159

Loneliness is a vicious self-perpetuating cycle. It makes you depressed, which makes you want to wallow in self-pity, which makes people not want to be around you, which isolates you, which make you lonelier, which makes you more depressed. The only way to break the cycle (and I apologize if this sounds harsh, but it's really the only way) is to just give yourself a swift kick in the pants and fucking DO something ab…

This is useless, you can't "just smile" when you have depression, that's not how it works. You can't "just snap out of it"

Of course you can smile with depression. You don’t have to be happy, you don’t have to enjoy it. Inside you want to die, outside you have a smile on your face, and attempt to process what someone is saying to you and reply to what they are saying in a friendly way.

Re: Ask HN: I'm lonely. Are there any video chat support groups for solo founders?

#170

Post by anindha »

lisper wrote: post #159

Loneliness is a vicious self-perpetuating cycle. It makes you depressed, which makes you want to wallow in self-pity, which makes people not want to be around you, which isolates you, which make you lonelier, which makes you more depressed. The only way to break the cycle (and I apologize if this sounds harsh, but it's really the only way) is to just give yourself a swift kick in the pants and fucking DO something ab…

OP is trying to do something about it! He is setting up video chats with people.
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