How to Tell If You’re a Jerk • Hacker News Board

Re: How to Tell If You’re a Jerk

#51

Post by busterarm » Sat, Nov 18, 2017, 1:06 AM UTC

thekashifmalik wrote: post #23

busterarm wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You don't have to be assertive to be a jerk... ...in fact, I'd say it's the people who correlate assertiveness with jerkiness that are in fact most often jerks.

Would love to hear more about why you think that.

Assertiveness and turbulence are opposites just like passiveness and aggression are.

They're ingrained behaviors that people have and most people will usually act appropriately (read: apply those traits) to any given social situation. Luckily most of us are in the middle on this 4-way spectrum.

If someone is acting way out of proportion to the circumstances, you go "that guy/gal is a jerk!".

If you say "assertive people are jerks", or any of those 4 really, you are making a demand that other people accommodate your needs in social situations. It's a social ultimatum, basically, and if you do it, you're a jerk. Always.

You will most often find this quality in passive, turbulent people (this is my natural default) with poor social skills who mistake assertiveness for aggression.

(Tangent: Can we redefine 'passive-aggressive' as 'turbulent-aggressive'?)

Re: How to Tell If You’re a Jerk

#52

Post by dm319 » Sat, Nov 18, 2017, 7:51 AM UTC

cosmic_ape wrote: post #46

So here's the ultimate, highly scientific jerkness test proposed by the article: Think about this article sometime later today, sometime when you are surrounded by other people—maybe in the lunch line, or at a department meeting, or at a party, or in a crowded plaza. Notice the people around you. Are they fools and tools, or do they sparkle with interesting individuality? Exactly what kind of individuality sparkles d…

The results have come back and ... they're positive I'm afraid.

Re: How to Tell If You’re a Jerk

#53

Post by majewsky » Sat, Nov 18, 2017, 1:22 PM UTC

mirceal wrote: post #50

laxatives wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Its a little disappointing to see that half of the comments are people defending their actions to no one in particular, justifying why they act like a jerk but aren't necessarily a jerk. Its not like being a jerk/sweetheart is some binary or mutually exclusive relation, but it seems like this article struck a chord with a lot of users.

my theory is that the smarter you are, the more likely you are to try to justify behaviors that you are not necessarily aligned with

Why would you think that? Rationalization is one of the pillars of human behavior overall. The only difference I would readily admit is that smarter people are probably more mindful of their own rationalizing.

Re: How to Tell If You’re a Jerk

#54

Post by ivm » Sat, Nov 18, 2017, 3:18 PM UTC

majewsky wrote: post #53

mirceal wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

my theory is that the smarter you are, the more likely you are to try to justify behaviors that you are not necessarily aligned with

Why would you think that? Rationalization is one of the pillars of human behavior overall. The only difference I would readily admit is that smarter people are probably more mindful of their own rationalizing.

The article disagrees though:

"Academically intelligent people, by the way, aren’t immune to motivated reasoning. On the contrary, recent research by Dan M. Kahan of Yale University suggests that reflective and educated people might be especially skilled at rationalizing their preexisting beliefs..."

Re: How to Tell If You’re a Jerk

#55

Post by edoceo » Sat, Nov 18, 2017, 10:49 PM UTC

owens99 wrote: post #31

edoceo wrote: post #7

Sounds like a sociopath rather than a jerk. I hire sociopaths, fire jerks

> I hire sociopaths Good luck with that strategy.

It's worked well for the last decade.

Re: How to Tell If You’re a Jerk

#56

Post by nine_k » Sun, Nov 19, 2017, 4:33 AM UTC

treyfitty wrote: post #9

I recently had a baby, and the self-realization that I am a jerk became very clear when I thought about the world. Let me explain: From a young age, growing up in Queens, I quickly learned the value of being a jerk/asshole as a deterrent for getting "jumped" for my jacket/sneakers. The idea was: kids mugging other kids would go for easy targets. Even an inkling of belief that someone would put up a fight was a disinc…

Hmm, I thought "Don't tread on me" is the motto not of jerks, but of some other kind of people?

Re: How to Tell If You’re a Jerk

#57

Post by majewsky » Sun, Nov 19, 2017, 9:34 AM UTC

ivm wrote: post #54

majewsky wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why would you think that? Rationalization is one of the pillars of human behavior overall. The only difference I would readily admit is that smarter people are probably more mindful of their own rationalizing.

The article disagrees though: "Academically intelligent people, by the way, aren’t immune to motivated reasoning. On the contrary, recent research by Dan M. Kahan of Yale University suggests that reflective and educated people might be especially skilled at rationalizing their preexisting beliefs..."

Oh dear. I'm just gonna go bathe in my weltschmerz again. :/

Re: How to Tell If You’re a Jerk

#58

Post by AndyNemmity » Mon, Nov 20, 2017, 2:13 PM UTC

mythrwy wrote: post #35

Are you surrounded by fools and non-entities, by people with bad taste and silly desires, by boring people...... If this is how the world regularly looks to you, then I have bad news. Likely, you are the jerk. This ....is not how the world actually is. Could be. Or you could be surrounded by boring people with bad taste. Can we say honestly say those don't exist? Or don't exist in large groups? Except when it's truly…

Your traits are an amalgam of the people you are around the most often, so if you are surrounded by boring people with bad taste, it can only mean that you are boring with bad taste.

If you see everyone around you is a jerk, you're likely a jerk. Because you keep them in company, and internalize their traits.