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The Booming Japanese Rent-A-Friend Business

theatlantic.com

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Re: The Booming Japanese Rent-A-Friend Business

#151

Post by sliverstorm »

cosmic_ape wrote: post #52

I think there are a couple of really different types of situations these actors resolve. The fake groom for a wedding is just a workaround for a cultural issue, maybe not uniquely Japanese. The society requires a groom, so here is one. I wonder how many politicians today have fake family lives due to similar reasons, for instance. But there are other situations, like fake boyfriends/girlfriends. What the company prov…

The fake groom for a wedding is just a workaround for a cultural issue, maybe not uniquely Japanese. The society requires a groom, so here is one.

Am I missing something? Is this a typo? This isn't just cultural; how can there be a wedding, without a bride and groom?

Re: The Booming Japanese Rent-A-Friend Business

#152

Post by quickcoder »

krapp wrote: post #74
wrinkl3 wrote: post #69

In Japanese business culture, there is a situation where you have to visit a company and say I’m deeply sorry for what I did and just bow and bow. Usually, I accompany a salaryman who made a mistake. I take the identity of the salaryman myself, then I apologize profusely for his mistake. Have you seen the way we say sorry? You go have to down on your hands and knees on the floor. Your hands have to tremble. So, my cl…

I understand within that culture an apology must be made, and there's a ritual to apology that has to be observed, but I don't understand why an employer would be willing to put up with the ruse. Is there really no social or cultural stigma involved with paying to have someone else to do it on your behalf?

If you use and opensource project to do your work faster your boss will not be mad. You boss , your bosses boss , your bosses bosses boss only cares about one thing. Getting the job done on time and on budget. Whatever means you do it by as long as there are no bad repercussions is fine with them Im sure.

Just dont take credit for work that is not yours. Basically if asked dont lie. But if you are never asked then it seems the boss does not care of the details.

Re: The Booming Japanese Rent-A-Friend Business

#153

Post by Hasz »

sliverstorm wrote: post #151
cosmic_ape wrote: post #52

I think there are a couple of really different types of situations these actors resolve. The fake groom for a wedding is just a workaround for a cultural issue, maybe not uniquely Japanese. The society requires a groom, so here is one. I wonder how many politicians today have fake family lives due to similar reasons, for instance. But there are other situations, like fake boyfriends/girlfriends. What the company prov…

The fake groom for a wedding is just a workaround for a cultural issue, maybe not uniquely Japanese. The society requires a groom, so here is one. Am I missing something? Is this a typo? This isn't just cultural; how can there be a wedding, without a bride and groom?

I think the fake groom was in the context of societal pressure to get married, or for a gay couple to marry opposite sex partners. Having a fake groom fulfills these obligations without actually having to live with the stand-in.

Re: The Booming Japanese Rent-A-Friend Business

#154

Post by ugfgibcvg »

avar wrote: post #127
arbuge wrote: post #123

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You might begin to suspect all your close friends are really just paid actors if that became possible...

Yeah have you noticed how your friends are always checking the time discreetly and tend to meet you and suddenly need to leave on the hour or the half-an-hour?

That’s because you’re not a nice person to be with, and they’re friends with you only out of pity.

Re: The Booming Japanese Rent-A-Friend Business

#155

Post by ugfgibcvg »

bjourne wrote: post #99
sho wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The article specifically mentions the positive outcome of the arrangement - the young woman's confidence has improved, destructive behaviour stopped, bullying stopped, and she has the father figure she obviously needs at this critical part of her development. And from all appearances he is genuinely doing his best to be that. It's very hard for me to condemn this when the outcome seems so inarguably positive. Truthfu…

> It's very hard for me to condemn this when the outcome seems so inarguably positive. Truthfulness is important, yes, but so is outcome. And if this woman after ten or twenty years, when she is well-adjusted with a career and family of her own, finds out the truth, would she be angry with her mother - or thank her? Given the amount of adopted kids that have been lied to, and later found out, she'll be absolutely fur…

I don’t understand why this is being downvoted.

Re: The Booming Japanese Rent-A-Friend Business

#156

Post by ugfgibcvg »

grkvlt wrote: post #139
moonka wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Same here. I can't help but wonder about the ethical implications of lying to a child about something so fundamental for her entire lifetime.

We do that sort of thing already - see Santa Claus for example, where children are continually lied to about the identity of the person who brings them presents.

Children are not stupid. They know.

Re: The Booming Japanese Rent-A-Friend Business

#157

Post by _aldr »

bjourne wrote: post #99
sho wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The article specifically mentions the positive outcome of the arrangement - the young woman's confidence has improved, destructive behaviour stopped, bullying stopped, and she has the father figure she obviously needs at this critical part of her development. And from all appearances he is genuinely doing his best to be that. It's very hard for me to condemn this when the outcome seems so inarguably positive. Truthfu…

> It's very hard for me to condemn this when the outcome seems so inarguably positive. Truthfulness is important, yes, but so is outcome. And if this woman after ten or twenty years, when she is well-adjusted with a career and family of her own, finds out the truth, would she be angry with her mother - or thank her? Given the amount of adopted kids that have been lied to, and later found out, she'll be absolutely fur…

> Her mother is a lazy, dishonest bitch who bought a fake father rather than finding a real one for her daughter. Japan is full of single men so it's not like that option wasn't available to her.

I think that's harsh and short sighted. Why is marrying a single man better for her daughter? How is that more "real"? It's certainly not true in all cases. If her mother remarried to an abusive alcoholic do you seriously think that's better than hiring what's essentially a professional father?

Re: The Booming Japanese Rent-A-Friend Business

#158

Post by ugfgibcvg »

vog wrote: post #51
yodsanklai wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It's pretty hard to just up and make friends in Japan Certainly not unique to Japan. I see many lonely people in western big cities for instance. Surprisingly, I find it much easier to find a girlfriend than a friend. You just go to a dating website, find someone "similar" and spend time together and you can get close very quickly. It's not the way regular friendship works where it takes much longer to get intimate…

> I see many lonely people in western big cities for instance Not true for Berlin, though. If you regularily visit some hackerspaces (or other meetups with like-minded people, such as various user groups such as Emacs user group, political groups such as FSFE, whatever), or go to university and study there, you have very good chances finding friends, some of whom may turn out to be very good friends. Sometimes it see…

> Emacs user group

Why would you want to make friends with computer weirdos like you?

I want to be friends with real, normal people.

Re: The Booming Japanese Rent-A-Friend Business

#159

Post by _aldr »

ugfgibcvg wrote: post #155
bjourne wrote: post #99

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It's very hard for me to condemn this when the outcome seems so inarguably positive. Truthfulness is important, yes, but so is outcome. And if this woman after ten or twenty years, when she is well-adjusted with a career and family of her own, finds out the truth, would she be angry with her mother - or thank her? Given the amount of adopted kids that have been lied to, and later found out, she'll be absolutely fur…

I don’t understand why this is being downvoted.

Personally, it's the "Her mother is a lazy, dishonest bitch who bought a fake father rather than finding a real one for her daughter." part of the comment. It's very strong language that I don't think is deserved and it makes it sound like finding a new father would be easy.

There's a well documented reason why there are a lot of single men in Japan.

Re: The Booming Japanese Rent-A-Friend Business

#160

Post by pantalaimon »

vog wrote: post #51
yodsanklai wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It's pretty hard to just up and make friends in Japan Certainly not unique to Japan. I see many lonely people in western big cities for instance. Surprisingly, I find it much easier to find a girlfriend than a friend. You just go to a dating website, find someone "similar" and spend time together and you can get close very quickly. It's not the way regular friendship works where it takes much longer to get intimate…

> I see many lonely people in western big cities for instance Not true for Berlin, though. If you regularily visit some hackerspaces (or other meetups with like-minded people, such as various user groups such as Emacs user group, political groups such as FSFE, whatever), or go to university and study there, you have very good chances finding friends, some of whom may turn out to be very good friends. Sometimes it see…

A few years ago I would wholeheartedly agree with you, but for me things have changed unfortunately.

Working in a startup job each day leaves me exhausted - not exhausted in regards to meeting people, but to planning such meetings. Too often I will just end up stuck to the internet.

The people I used to do things with either moved away or don't respond to such suggestions anymore.

Social circles seem to fall apart quickly without some condensation nuclei.

I hope working hours are getting more predictable now, so I will try the Meetup route.

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