“Why I cancelled my ReactiveConf talk”

Thank you for trying to respond a bit more rationally.

I'll break this down further: Of course she could be uncomfortable. Lets agree she's actually reasonable in doing so.

However, you don't know what will make one person uncomfortable or not. Can you? You can guess, you can try your best, but ultimately you have no idea what someone will find offense. Can you? Is there an algorithm for it? No.

Ok so that means that sometimes people will be offended by things that weren't intended to offend. Now we're to the point where the offended person gets to React. How do they handle it? Do they think of all the angles?

What I disagree with is her reaction. You don't seem to disagree. This is what I am saying should be changed.

Aaron- maybe her talk would have helped hundreds of people. All those people lost out. Could she have asked the organizers in advance to change the image? It looked like they these went out privately for approval. Maybe I mis-read that?

Lets assume that they never asked for her approval and 5 minutes before she goes up, the slide goes up and BAM she is uncomfortable and feels sexualized. Again, its about her reaction.

Others in this thread commented they would roll with it, be resilient, etc. This is what we, as society, should reinforce in each other. And yes, we have to make judgments about where the line is. I don't agree with her judgement, I'll state that clearly.

Think about this: I think she only thought about herself and PROJECTED onto everyone else that they would stereotype her. What if I were in the audience and saw the image and also thought "oh wow that sucks for her, ok i'll be extra supportive of her and try my best to not sexualize her".

So, when you support her reaction, you are actually making a negative judgement about everyone else in the audience as well. I'm curious how you think about that?

Maybe i'm missing another perspective. Please let me know and i'm curious to introspect my own thoughts further.

I can't help but think if she just went along with it, everyone would respect her as a woman in tech to a much higher degree because she would have actually been a woman in tech doing real tech talks. Now shes a woman in tech not doing tech talks. It's kind of sad.

The thing is, I agree with you about resilience, I agree with you about ignoring perceived slights, but I can't fault her personally for being offended in this way. I can't say she's really being unreasonable by being uncomfortable about that, she has a right to feel this way and even react in such a way without assuming that it's just about "drama" and emotional immaturity" (which you accused her of having).

If the organizers had handled it differently, it might be easier to see her as overreacting, but it's completely unprofessional to chide someone as acting like an adult in a professional setting like that, which probably only plays into whatever she's feeling with people not respecting her.

I felt you were condemning her position, which doesn't seem right. If my posts to you have been very one-sided and dismissive, that's because you were towards her claims.

Thank you for the more balanced posts and the discussion.

>you should grow up

Tactfully tactful

Did any other speakers object?

It looks like they did Sarah Drashner as Supergirl [1], and Daniel Woelfel, Sean Grove, and Jared Forsyth as members of some team that I do not recognize from the uniforms [2].

It looks like they also had lots of superhero stuff, such as models and sets that people could take photos with, and in general were going for a them that React developers are superheros right up their with groups like The Avengers. See various photos and tweets here [3].

[1] https://twitter.com/filipewl/status/923583201100083206

[2] https://twitter.com/ReactiveConf/status/888016901061922820

[3] https://twitter.com/reactiveconf/media

> And about her point of being sexualized - what if a guy had his face photoshopped onto he-man and that guy complained about being sexualized because now his face is on a shirtless strong dude.

That would also be against the code of conduct and in poor taste. Don't measure with two measures - and neither should the organizers. Even not shirtless superheroes are overly sexualized, near-impossible male standards of asthetics, strength, and personality traits like superhero levels of patriotism and whatnot. Denying it's not problematic because it's men is applying a double standard.