How Emotional Labor is Dragging Down Gender Equality

Id be curious of a CEO who you think does these things. Most CEOs are successful people, so calling them “weak, ineffectual, lazy” sounds very hateful, and sad. And yet, this comment has only received support! I don’t think I’ll ever understand you people.

>Walking that fine line to keep the peace and not upset your partner is something women are taught to accept as their duty from an early age.

>My husband is a good man, and a good feminist ally.

>However, it’s not as easy as telling him that. My husband, despite his good nature and admirable intentions, still responds to criticism in a very patriarchal way.

>Yet I find myself worrying about how the mental load bore almost exclusively by women translates into a deep gender inequality that is hard to shake on the personal level.

>It is difficult to model an egalitarian household for my children when it is clear that I am the household manager, tasked with delegating any and all household responsibilities, or taking on the full load myself.

This sounds like a very dysfunctional marriage. I have been observing what I consider are good marriages that have stood the test of time. Marriages where they have been married 30, 40, 50 years and are still crazy about each other. Here are some things that I have found.

1. Good communication. Never expect the other partner to read your mind.

2. Compromise. If what I want hurts or causes pain to the other person, it is not worth it.

3. Loyalty. My spouse is more important to me than any ideology or person.

4. Individual love. My spouse is their own person. They are not some avatar of a family, ethnicity, or gender.

5. Selflessness. I choose to do what it takes to make my spouse happy without expecting anything in return.

These thing should be done by both husband and wife. The author, goes against everyone of them. She expects the husband to read her mind. The whole article feels like some primal cry for appreciation and notice. She criticizes her husband publicly in an article that will be read by millions. She views her husband and son as avatars for men. Her first loyalty seems to be to feminism, and not to her family.

Many times I have seen dysfunctional marriages where the husband justifies his selfishness by using societal gender roles or religion - "The Bible says I am the head of this house". That is wrong. In this article, the author justifies her selfishness using feminism. That is also wrong.

It's typically that the context of the situation brings up an emotion that is taboo / off limits, one that the person has spent a life time avoiding.

This avoidance is typically do to previous developmental or shock trauma.

You can actually learn to use your conflicts as a psychedelic of sorts to do deep transformational work, if you have the right context, language and tools.

From my view, this inability to transform conflict is why most relationships end and why most people in relationships aren't happy (despite relationships being the single greatest predictor of health and life satisfaction.)

Edit:

That is a shame because it does sound like an interesting concept.

Instead, welcoming and allowing all of them and creating space to engage and explore them.

This can lead to much deeper connection with your self and others, and increased health.

When you do this, you will also be more available to help others feel their emotions and to help them take responsibility for feeling them fully.

I quibble over the term "control" because I see much of our cultures problems as an avoidance -- either making it others people's job, or turning to drugs / addictions / psychiatry / etc. to avoid feeling.