How to Destroy Someone's Life or They called me a child pornographer

I remember reading this when it first came out and reminded me of my own run in with DFS right around the same time. Stopping real child abuse is important, but the system is so lopsided that merely being accused makes you the criminal. People spread the rumor of you being investigated by DFS, they don't spread the rumor of you being cleared.

My run-in was no where near as large of scale, but aggrivating, humiliating, time wasting, and ridiculous. I'm no hippy journalist letting my kids run free, basically just your run of the mill suburbanite developer 8-to-5 schmoe and my wife is a Special Ed teacher . One day, we come home from work to find that DFS had tried to visit and that we must call back with a time we can be interviewed. At the time, we had a six year old and a less than 1 year old. Someone had reported us for child abuse. It was like a record scratch. What? I don't hit my kids. My oldest went to a private school. I spent plenty of time with them. Our #1 fear is leaving them somewhere so my wife watches them like a hawk. It made no sense.

We called back and an agent came by the next day. We tried to leave our oldest at school because at that age, he would babble about what was happening and other parents would find out and the stigma would be set. But she demanded to see him, so my wife went and got him while I got the 5th degree. We were accused of some stuff that seemed hilariously lame.

* We made our son pee in a dollhouse toilet and just left it there full. --- Uh, yeah, one day we found it in the back of his room behind the shelf. We think he did it and hid it. Kids do weird things. * We let our oldest run around screaming and being reckless and has untreated ADHD. -- Yeah, he has ADHD, he's took Ritalin since he was 5 and is now on Adderall. * Our home is unsafe with rotten food all over. -- Yes, my wife is messy, but not to the level of fire hazard or health violation. Rotten food? You mean like having cans from last night's dinner still next to the stove? * And numerous other things like this...

After being checked out, she said that it was most likely a false report and that it would most likely be dropped, but the file stays around permanently and that we can't find out who made the report.

Of course, our son blabbed about the experience, and now even 5 years later, none of his school friend's parents let their kids come over to our house because the original rumor. No one makes false claims, right?

I figured out who made the report through the neighborhood network. Some old guy across the street who was mad that I left the trashcans out on the front of my home instead of the side and one time when I had let our grass grow too long because every night that I got home from work and all weekend for 3 weeks it had rained a crap-ton. I still catch him taking pictures of our house to call the Neighborhood Preservation office with when I let the slightest thing go wrong. (ie, a storm gutter fell off over the night and I didn't notice until I got home from work that evening)

The worst part is, there is little you can do. Everything is "anonymous". You can't hire a lawyer to go and tell this guy to piss off. Retaliation would be stupid. You are just "stuck".

"Think of the children" is not a good enough argument anymore. I used to work with social workers a lifetime ago, and the IRS-like you are guilty without a trial harassment is all too real. Combine this with it being a government position with bad metrics and some people who really got into social work to save themselves instead of their client, it is a recipe for disaster.

The biggest problem with reform is the unions and professions that make a lot of money on the current system. Until we can change the evaluation, metrics, and tenure; I really don't think there is any hope. My only bit of advice is to get a lawyer as soon as any possible dealing happen. Don't ever believe the "you don't need one" line. Your life and family is at stake and it is much easier to go after the people who were trying to help as opposed to the person getting "one more chance".

It is different when you have kids. I don't know your situation (if you have kids), but the threat of taking my kids, trumps the need for social justice (just telling the truth). If I have to stand so be it, but I will turn tail and run when it comes to my kids and their well-being. Principals only go so far when it involves my kids. Because my principals tell me that it is my kids above all else. Fighting them risks my kids and that is not something I am willing to do.

It is complicated and I don't remember all the in's and outs, you can try to get in front of a judge and have him rule that you can provide funding for an independent 3rd party lawyer. He cannot be the same as your defense. But you have to show cause which I remember my lawyer saying that it was hard to do. My lawyer in the end was right you just have to show them that you are not easy to pick on and they will move on. They need to make their numbers and if they spend too much time on you, they miss other opportunities. It is a war of attrition in which you have a severe psychological disadvantage.

Story in comic form: http://www.pbfcomics.com/archive_b/PBF215-Kitty_Photographer...