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How to Destroy Someone's Life or They called me a child pornographer

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Re: How to Destroy Someone's Life or They called me a child pornographer

#111

Post by olliesaunders »

jacquesm wrote: post #83
_pi wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

First off, I am so sorry for your experience that sounds completely terrible. Second, was there nothing your lawyer could do, such as file an injunction against the DCF? Is there any way you can be compensated (in any way) for your experience? If there was would you take it?

The problem with that avenue is that this sort of agency is very vengeful and they have the power to make your life very miserable. So if after you've won your injunction they find half an excuse to 'intervene' again they'll definitely do so. It's rare that I would advocate to just let it be but in this case that would seem to me to be the safest option. Pick your battles.

How is accusing them of negligence going to generate more evidence against you? If no-one stands up to this organization this sort of thing is going to continue to happen.

Re: How to Destroy Someone's Life or They called me a child pornographer

#112

Post by yummyfajitas »

holdenc wrote: post #24

This kind of story is indicting of our culture. Outside the US nudity is not so taboo. In my daughter's kindergarten (a nice private school in Southeast Asia) boys and girls share the same bathroom, with no private stalls, and no door on the entrance. Everyone sees everything -- passers-by included. Meanwhile, in the US, nudity is synonymous with sex, and good people have to worry about things like this.

Even in Canada, nudity is not such a big deal. In Montreal last week, I saw billboards with ads like this (partially cropped):

http://www.montrealsciencecentre.com/documents/csm/images/Im...

It was advertising this: http://www.montrealsciencecentre.com/exhibitions/sex-a-tell-...

Re: How to Destroy Someone's Life or They called me a child pornographer

#113

Post by run4yourlives »

Tichy wrote: post #59
jvdh wrote: post #54

On the one hand I completely sympathize with the author. As a parent myself I would not wish this upon anyone. On the other hand, the author is a journalist, exactly the people who are the cause of this type of witch hunt. If you would leave out the prologue of the story, and make it into a story where the accusations actually were true. Then noone would have blinked about what happened. If they were treated any othe…

"a journalist, exactly the people who are the cause of this type of witch hunt." And I am a software developer, exactly the kind of people who cause computer viri, identity theft, spams and scams?

How many journalists are in jail for causing which hunts? How many have even uttered an apology?

That's the difference.

Re: How to Destroy Someone's Life or They called me a child pornographer

#114

Post by wjy »

kls wrote: post #13

I had a similar run in with DCF, not for child pornography but for accusations of child abuse. I helped out a high school friend who had become a heroin addict (I had no idea what I was getting into), by letting his family and himself live with me while he tried to recover. It ended up that this was a common scam with him and his wife and they use a sob story to get friends to help them out and once they wear out the…

Thanks for sharing that.

How did you manage to stay calm and respectful in the face of all the condescension and threat of losing your children? Since my son was born, I've observed my own protective tendencies really ratchet up. The few times I believed he was in real danger, all other concerns fell away, and removing the perceived danger was the only thing that mattered to me. I worry that were I to find my house invaded with people searching my stuff, accusing me of abuse, treating everything as evidence of guilt, the urge to crack some some heads might become overpowering. Of course, I rationally know that's the worst possible thing to do. But in the heat of the moment, the cerebrum doesn't always prevail. How did you keep your cool?

Re: How to Destroy Someone's Life or They called me a child pornographer

#115

Post by kls »

cookiecaper wrote: post #50
kls wrote: post #13

I had a similar run in with DCF, not for child pornography but for accusations of child abuse. I helped out a high school friend who had become a heroin addict (I had no idea what I was getting into), by letting his family and himself live with me while he tried to recover. It ended up that this was a common scam with him and his wife and they use a sob story to get friends to help them out and once they wear out the…

DCF is a really problematic thing. I completely understand where you're coming from and we've had people close to us under false investigation from family services and it's a pretty bad gig. They act like everything you say is such an absurd lie and that you're just waiting for them to walk away so that you can start slamming your children into the floor again. It is really sad that they can't use common sense. But a…

I sympathize that it sucks to be falsely investigated, but if you consider that there are people like those described above, who have become expert manipulators and liars to conceal and feed their habits, and DCFS has to investigate them too, you can understand some skepticism on the part of the agents.

I am so bitter and cynical about the whole ordeal that I have come to believe that you can do anything you want want so long as you let them check off their list of social programs they ran you through.

The father and high school friend that I spoke of had a stand off with the cops (DCF was trying to enter the home to investigate his brothers call), in which he was brandishing a weapon on the front porch claiming that he was going to kill himself and his family if the cops tried to enter his house (he was protecting his drugs). When DCF got a hold of him and he agreed to "enter" their program, the judge released him into the care of DCF and the DA dropped the charges so long as he entered a facility (1 month). The brother (who is still a good friend and not a drug addict) called me so mad when he found out that because his brother complied that he would (a) not be getting the kids out of the situation and (b) his brother was being administered a cocktail of legal drugs in the facility.

In my situation this was the point that my sanity started to weaken. I know that they deal with all kinds of manipulators and these two individual where class acts when in came to manipulation, but man they had so many red flags with these people, meanwhile with us, they found a single pipe and neither my wife or I, tested positive for a substance other than one I had a prescription for.

Anyway, I am glad it has long been history for us, but from my experience if you jump through their hoops you can get away with murder. If you don't, they are going to come after you with everything they have got.

I would be half serious in saying that there need to be a support group for DCF false investigation survivors. It was the worst hell we ever experienced and we did not feel secure in our house for years. The article talked about the journalist being in live fire situations and it not being as bad, I believe it whole hardily I would have rather been in a situation where I was being constantly shot at, than to endure that again.

Re: How to Destroy Someone's Life or They called me a child pornographer

#116

Post by olliesaunders »

roc wrote: post #108
Yaggo wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

After reading the article, my first thought was "why I can't imagine that happening outside the US?". When and why did nudity become such a taboo there? It seems to be much more acceptable to show children violence than nudity, which I found absurd. I mean, which is more harmful for 13 years old child to see on TV, a breast or shooting?

> "When and why did nudity become such a taboo there? " Much of the country was built and populated by puritans. State's rights and a lack of urbanization allowed tight-knit communities of like-minded people to keep anyone different away. This created a sort of moral echo chamber, that carried their views into modernity without ever being tempered via intellectual or moral challenge. And the US system of representati…

Nudity, violence, and death cannot be hidden, they are inherit. Trying to hide them won't work. The more you hide it the more significant and fascinating the less frequent exposures appear. This isn't to say that extensive exposure can't lead to distorted conditioning or attitudes; it can. But you can't damage a child through non-exposure; it's just not possible in the first place.

Re: How to Destroy Someone's Life or They called me a child pornographer

#117

Post by olliesaunders »

randallsquared wrote: post #107
Yaggo wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

After reading the article, my first thought was "why I can't imagine that happening outside the US?". When and why did nudity become such a taboo there? It seems to be much more acceptable to show children violence than nudity, which I found absurd. I mean, which is more harmful for 13 years old child to see on TV, a breast or shooting?

While I don't necessarily disagree, let me point out that it's considered okay to show a painting of a breast, or an acted shooting, but showing an actual breast or real shooting are both considered taboo. I think people lose track of the fact that violence on TV (and in video games, etc) is pretend violence, whereas most nudity is real nudity, rather than a simulation of same. I'm not saying that makes it sensible,…

> but it does bring the American treatment of them closer together than they seem at first glance.

To my mind it merely identifies hypocrisy.

Re: How to Destroy Someone's Life or They called me a child pornographer

#118

Post by olliesaunders »

steveklabnik wrote: post #110
Yaggo wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

After reading the article, my first thought was "why I can't imagine that happening outside the US?". When and why did nudity become such a taboo there? It seems to be much more acceptable to show children violence than nudity, which I found absurd. I mean, which is more harmful for 13 years old child to see on TV, a breast or shooting?

I'm not sure how to say this without sounding like a terrible troll, but when an entire religious group gets up and sails across an ocean because everyone back home won't stop telling them that they're crazy... what else would you expect?

Not constructive.

Re: How to Destroy Someone's Life or They called me a child pornographer

#119

Post by roc »

olliesaunders wrote: post #116
roc wrote: post #108

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> "When and why did nudity become such a taboo there? " Much of the country was built and populated by puritans. State's rights and a lack of urbanization allowed tight-knit communities of like-minded people to keep anyone different away. This created a sort of moral echo chamber, that carried their views into modernity without ever being tempered via intellectual or moral challenge. And the US system of representati…

Nudity, violence, and death cannot be hidden, they are inherit. Trying to hide them won't work. The more you hide it the more significant and fascinating the less frequent exposures appear. This isn't to say that extensive exposure can't lead to distorted conditioning or attitudes; it can. But you can't damage a child through non-exposure; it's just not possible in the first place.

> "But you can't damage a child through non-exposure; it's just not possible in the first place."

Whether honest non-exposure might be fine is beyond even an academic concern. It's overwhelmingly improbable that a child could be raised without being exposed to those things; short of willful sheltering.

Re: How to Destroy Someone's Life or They called me a child pornographer

#120

Post by tptacek »

cookiecaper wrote: post #50
kls wrote: post #13

I had a similar run in with DCF, not for child pornography but for accusations of child abuse. I helped out a high school friend who had become a heroin addict (I had no idea what I was getting into), by letting his family and himself live with me while he tried to recover. It ended up that this was a common scam with him and his wife and they use a sob story to get friends to help them out and once they wear out the…

DCF is a really problematic thing. I completely understand where you're coming from and we've had people close to us under false investigation from family services and it's a pretty bad gig. They act like everything you say is such an absurd lie and that you're just waiting for them to walk away so that you can start slamming your children into the floor again. It is really sad that they can't use common sense. But a…

Your school system doesn't "file a report" until TEN CONSECUTIVE ABSENCES? That's negligent. In ours, a truancy report is filed and the police are involved after ten cumulative absences or tardies throughout the entire semester.

(I found this out the 8th time I managed to drop my kids off 1 minute late).

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