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Ask HN: How to turn off my desire to be seen?

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Re: Ask HN: How to turn off my desire to be seen?

#11

Post by mattbgates »

When it comes to blogging, you should always act like you have an audience, even if you don't. Just write and write and speak your mind. Talk to someone as if they are so interested in what you are going to publish.

I started a website called Confessions of the Professions ( http://www.confessionsoftheprofessions.com) a few years ago.. and my only visitors were my mom and my girlfriend. I didn't care.. I remember loading up WordPress Jetpack and my visitor count was around 10 a day... then it increased to 35. I just kept at it.. kept writing blogs, kept soliciting for people to write for me, posting sometimes up to 3 or 4 times a day.

Eventually, I would lose interest... and about the time I did that, people started emailing me asking me if they could contribute.. and I happily agreed. Every time I start to lose interest.. I get dozens of emails with praise and asking if they can contribute an article.

My visitor count ranges anywhere from 500 - 1000 visitors a day. I get universities and well known companies asking if they can contribute. I work with a lot of marketing agencies and consultants who have clients and are looking for a niche website to publish on.

Honestly, it keeps me going even when I'm ready to give it up. It motivates me and revitalizes me back into my own passions and desires for keeping the website going... we all have to go to work... and I am curious about what everyone is doing and the struggles of everyday.

But it all started with no audience and an assumption that people might read it, could read, and would be interested in reading it. If I had to do it all over again knowing what I know now.. I totally would do it again... the website has helped so many.

So just keep going! No matter what! You never know whose reading! :)

Re: Ask HN: How to turn off my desire to be seen?

#12

Post by saimiam »

timthelion wrote: post #10
timthelion wrote: post #5

I too have this problem, I wonder, however, whether HN is a great place for such discussion. Not that it is off topic, but HN is a place that increases this feeling by creating an all or nothing atmosphere. There is no way to be seen just a little. --- Did the tree hear itself fall? One of the first successful AI experiments was a computer in a booth at a fair. The computer had a genetic algorithm which would draw tw…

Just for interest, I uploaded the script that I use to "talk to myself" here: http://ipfs.hobbs.cz/ipfs/QmTToAExveJ7cdR7oMShovunMmN8RtUC1L... You need sox and python3 for it to run http://sox.sourceforge.net/ . You launch it with ./101things --delay=30 When it beeps, you start talking. After you have said 101 things to yourself, in between each track it will play back one of the things you said. I found it really bor…

Interesting that you're using ipfs. Didn't expect to see it in the wild.

I'll try your experiment with my phone's memo app.

Re: Ask HN: How to turn off my desire to be seen?

#13

Post by saimiam »

timthelion wrote: post #9
saimiam wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thank you so much for taking the time to give a thought out, personal answer. At the risk of sounding really shallow, I think your AI example and this snippet describes me to a T. > A person with no taste of their own, who is unable to judge whether they like something or not, and who is at the mercy of the input of others to decide their direction is quite similar to this genetic algorithm. > Do you hear yourself? D…

> At the risk of sounding really shallow, I think your AI example and this snippet describes me to a T. So you don't want to SOUND really shallow. Do you dislike having no likes or dislikes or do you simply think that "the public at large" judges people with no likes or dislikes? Is it actually logically possible for you yourself to dislike having no dislikes? Surely if you dislike being shallow then you aren't shall…

I would like to have likes to pull/point me in a certain direction. I imagine a person without likes or dislikes to be basically stuck in space and time.

By shallow I meant someone who needs external prodding to grow in a certain direction. Having likes or dislikes makes the process of growth easier.

Re: Ask HN: How to turn off my desire to be seen?

#14

Post by saimiam »

mattbgates wrote: post #11

When it comes to blogging, you should always act like you have an audience, even if you don't. Just write and write and speak your mind. Talk to someone as if they are so interested in what you are going to publish. I started a website called Confessions of the Professions ( http://www.confessionsoftheprofessions.com ) a few years ago.. and my only visitors were my mom and my girlfriend. I didn't care.. I remember lo…

I appreciate the answer but I want to point out that I'd rather just write because I enjoy writing, not in the hope of finding an audience. My frustration is that I don't find writing intrinsically rewarding.

I think that can come about if I write a deeply felt blogpost whose very existence touches something fundamental in me.

Re: Ask HN: How to turn off my desire to be seen?

#15

Post by timthelion »

saimiam wrote: post #12
timthelion wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just for interest, I uploaded the script that I use to "talk to myself" here: http://ipfs.hobbs.cz/ipfs/QmTToAExveJ7cdR7oMShovunMmN8RtUC1L... You need sox and python3 for it to run http://sox.sourceforge.net/ . You launch it with ./101things --delay=30 When it beeps, you start talking. After you have said 101 things to yourself, in between each track it will play back one of the things you said. I found it really bor…

Interesting that you're using ipfs. Didn't expect to see it in the wild. I'll try your experiment with my phone's memo app.

I use ipfs, not out of some sort of edginess or hipness, but because it is literally the easiest way. I just run one command, ipfs add -w file/folder and it is online ;) Faster than scping something to the web server and having to enter the old password, remembering where to put it, ect. ;)...

Re: Ask HN: How to turn off my desire to be seen?

#16

Post by tixocloud »

First off, it is completely normal to feel this way. I think you're at the point where you're truly discovering who you are as a person. Do you feel a great sense of unhappiness when you say you only do things if there's an audience?

The aha moment for me was when I started diving into philosophy and in particular, Buddhist philosophy, in search of learning more about life and about myself. I've been practicing Nichiren Buddhism, where the belief is that our lives represent a tarnished mirror and it is only through life experiences where we polish ourselves to reveal who we truly are.

Perhaps this is the beginning of your very own journey towards discovering yourself that would lead to doing things that you do find personally pleasurable.

Re: Ask HN: How to turn off my desire to be seen?

#17

Post by Mz »

saimiam wrote: post #14
mattbgates wrote: post #11

When it comes to blogging, you should always act like you have an audience, even if you don't. Just write and write and speak your mind. Talk to someone as if they are so interested in what you are going to publish. I started a website called Confessions of the Professions ( http://www.confessionsoftheprofessions.com ) a few years ago.. and my only visitors were my mom and my girlfriend. I didn't care.. I remember lo…

I appreciate the answer but I want to point out that I'd rather just write because I enjoy writing, not in the hope of finding an audience. My frustration is that I don't find writing intrinsically rewarding. I think that can come about if I write a deeply felt blogpost whose very existence touches something fundamental in me.

I do a lot of blogging. For me, it works best to find an intrinsic motivator. (But do always keep in mind that it is posted publicly. Writing for yourself in public is an interesting challenge.)

My most successful blog started as a means to keep track of information for myself. I abandoned it for a time, but it was getting organic traffic. I resumed developing it.

Blog is short for Web Log. Blogs began as personal journals or diaries that were publicly shared. If you want to track certain kinds of information for yourself, like a food journal in support of pursuing healthier eating, that can have intrinsic value without an audience. If it attracts an audience, cool. But it does not require one to be valuable to you.

Re: Ask HN: How to turn off my desire to be seen?

#18

Post by nexus2045 »

I was surprised to read this post because it echoes my sentiments down to the T. Another one is when I learn or read anything, I almost reflexively think about how I might dispense that information in front of an audience (friends, a crowd) and "sound smart". That impending validation feels good. The only saddening conclusions I've come to are that "all I want is attention" and "I'm narcissistic".

Re: Ask HN: How to turn off my desire to be seen?

#19

Post by saimiam »

nexus2045 wrote: post #18

I was surprised to read this post because it echoes my sentiments down to the T. Another one is when I learn or read anything, I almost reflexively think about how I might dispense that information in front of an audience (friends, a crowd) and "sound smart". That impending validation feels good. The only saddening conclusions I've come to are that "all I want is attention" and "I'm narcissistic".

After I asked this question of HackerNews, I went off to medium.com to read about art because they say art can save the heart.

One thought exercise on creativity showed me for a brief second what intrinsic reward looks like. I'll try to find that post and share it with you. To summarize,

1. Imagine a red apple. It's your own red apple.

2. It floats in space in front of you not tied to the ground or the sky.

3. Add yellow streaks of ripeness to the apple.

4. Now change its color to a color never before seen in an apple

5. Give the apple a texture.

6. Give it a finish.

7. Buff it or scuff it, it's your apple.

I did this exercise yesterday and when I woke up this morning, my apple was still with me. Though no one knew it existed, to me, it felt very real, very mine. I felt proud of that apple.

As of this moment, I enjoy my little blog with zero daily visitors and monochromatic layout just as much as I love my imagined purple apple. So what if no one knows that my apple (or I, by extension) exists? I'm just glad I made it and it's there for me to remember.

This may dissipate in the next hour but until then, I created something for its own sake, not because I got kudos for it.

E1: dropped a double word

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