Also, PUT THE PRICES ON THERE. Even more infuriating than a company that won't tell you what they do is a company that tells you what they do and then demands you contact them to be salespersoned at before they'll tell you the price. Fuck you, no.
Tell me what your company does
31–40 of 195 posts
Re: Tell me what your company does
#32Just to play devil's advocate:
Whenever I'm seriously considering purchasing an enterprise B2B product, I mostly know what they do before visiting their website. I've heard of them already, either through word of mouth, or by explicitly asking friends for recommendations. I suspect that I'm not too different from most purchasers.
If a company's targeting a landing page for someone like me, perhaps they shouldn't optimize for clarity; they should optimize for signaling reliability. So, the "Web 20.17 parallax-ed boots[t]rap-ed responsive home page" serves a purpose - it reminds me of all the other Web 20.17... B2B services I've happily used in the past.
I'm probably ascribing way too much significance to the semiotics of B2B homepages [1]. But I find it tough to believe that (e.g.) Optimizely hasn't, well, optimized their homepage for something.
[1] Also, take what I say with a huge grain of salt. My business' homepage needs a lot of work...
Re: Tell me what your company does
#33My startup is focused on customer-oriented experiential personalized relationship-building solutions by leveraging distributed smart reactive coin offerings powered by unsupervised blockchain adversarial deep learning supported by containerized self-driving car clouds. Investors plz line up, take a number, and contact me thru PM.
So, I'm confused. Is it the Uber of Facebooks, or the Facebook of Ubers?
cryptocurrency of ubers of facebook. Duh...
Re: Tell me what your company does
#34Websites like that are "websites for the record". There are certain markets who think it's weird that a company doesn't have a website, but don't really care about the content or how it looks.
A lot of the text seems to be placeholder/written by a designer who asked about what the company wanted for the content and never got a response.
Re: Tell me what your company does
#35My startup is focused on customer-oriented experiential personalized relationship-building solutions by leveraging distributed smart reactive coin offerings powered by unsupervised blockchain adversarial deep learning supported by containerized self-driving car clouds. Investors plz line up, take a number, and contact me thru PM.
My company is "a leading provider of business process services with expertise in transaction-intensive processing, analytics and automation. We serve as a trusted business partner in both the front office and back office, enabling personalized, seamless interactions on a massive scale that improve end-user experiences"
Re: Tell me what your company does
#36So much this. Another perfect example: https://databricks.com
They just raised a $140m round of financing so apparently they have some good stuff going on. If you look at the website though:
The Unified Analytics Platform. Accelerate innovation by unifying data science, engineering, and business.
Sorry, what? Click on "learn more about the platform":
DATABRICKS IS A TRULY UNIFIED APPROACH TO DATA ANALYTICS AT SCALE. Founded by the team who created Apache Spark, Databricks provides a Unified Analytics Platform that accelerates innovation by unifying data science, engineering, and business.
I still have no clue what exactly TF the product is but I sure got my weekly dose of BS buzzwords.
Re: Tell me what your company does
#37So much this. Another perfect example: https://databricks.com They just raised a $140m round of financing so apparently they have some good stuff going on. If you look at the website though: The Unified Analytics Platform. Accelerate innovation by unifying data science, engineering, and business. Sorry, what? Click on "learn more about the platform": DATABRICKS IS A TRULY UNIFIED APPROACH TO DATA ANALYTICS AT SCALE.…
(It's a Hadoop distribution).
Re: Tell me what your company does
#38I came across this recently:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l644fAxGzlw
Don't waste your time watching it. It's a promo video for yet another a very scammy looking ICO.
I watched through the entire 3 minute video, only because I found it increasingly amusing how long they were taking to "get to the point". As it turns out, this video is 3 minutes of stock videos of Dubai with a pseudo-inspirational voiceover about nothing in particular, followed by their logo being shown for a mere 10 seconds at the end.
I couldn't believe that this wasn't a parody (at least, I don't think it is), it's exactly like something out of HBO's Silicon Valley show.
Re: Tell me what your company does
#39So much this. Another perfect example: https://databricks.com They just raised a $140m round of financing so apparently they have some good stuff going on. If you look at the website though: The Unified Analytics Platform. Accelerate innovation by unifying data science, engineering, and business. Sorry, what? Click on "learn more about the platform": DATABRICKS IS A TRULY UNIFIED APPROACH TO DATA ANALYTICS AT SCALE.…
It is the corporate support for Spark, a big data technology.
Kinda like RedHat or Confluent.
Re: Tell me what your company does
#40So much this. Another perfect example: https://databricks.com They just raised a $140m round of financing so apparently they have some good stuff going on. If you look at the website though: The Unified Analytics Platform. Accelerate innovation by unifying data science, engineering, and business. Sorry, what? Click on "learn more about the platform": DATABRICKS IS A TRULY UNIFIED APPROACH TO DATA ANALYTICS AT SCALE.…
This is hilarious! I'm a paying customer of databricks, a useful service that can, and should, be described in a single medium length sentence.