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You are not 'behind'

zackkanter.com

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Re: You are not 'behind'

#101

Post by 1065 »

I am totally driven by laziness. The only useful things I ever did with computers were about making less work for me or people I liked. The rest was just pissing about. I never judged myself about it and have never understood why it's such a big deal. Get into a job the purpose of which is to reduce work, and then whine about too much work pressure? Anyone reading this is probably one of the .1 percent most privileged people who ever lived in all the history of the planet. Where did these evaluative norms come from? (Yer, it's kinda obv.)

Stumbling across some philosophy stuff about "thick concepts" led me to the answer I wanted.

Re: You are not 'behind'

#102

Post by jaggederest »

speeder wrote: post #93
jaggederest wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've felt like this my entire life. Turns out for me that it is a symptom of (undiagnosed) ADHD - an execution problem, not a motivational problem. Having gotten that diagnosed, it's a very significant change in my life. To be cliche, the first day of the rest of my life. For many people, "trying to bend their personality into the shape [they] want it to be" is fruitless, totally counterproductive. The first thing I…

What you changed in your environment? (I ask because I had same experience, except now that I am diagnosed I am struggling to find what I am supposed to do... I am kinda spinning in place without going anywhere)

TL;DR - I found this book effective, you should read it instead of listening to me blather below:

https://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Adult-Russell-Barkley-e...

---

The biggest things, broadly, are:

Step 0: Get engaged medically - with diagnosis, collaboration, and medication. ADHD is not something you can manage on your own. It's literally "the disorder of not being able to fix the problems you can clearly see", so you need external feedback and assistance. Doctor(s), therapist, friends, family, co-workers, employer - gotta engage all of them.

Step 1: Figure out where the problems are. This means, before you make any changes, record when things go right / wrong and map out places that need change. (and I know, making ADHD people carefully analyze and wait it out is the most ridiculous thing ever but...)

Step 2: Change your environment and the way you live your life. Automate, externalize, or delegate all nonessential tasks and change your set/setting to accommodate you instead of struggling to behave. If it's not something you do without thought or effort, automate, externalize, or delegate it.

Step 3: Relax! You've made it, time to kick back and... Oh, no, sorry, continue to repeat steps 0-2 on a weekly/monthly/annual basis, largely for the rest of your life. It's a little bit like weight loss - getting there is only about 10% of the battle. Getting consistent about it is the other 90% and that's the part that clearly people with ADHD struggle with the most.

Anyway, it's really key to understand it as a process, a skill, and one that you can improve at over time. Don't let missing things or being unsuccessful get you down, just pick it back up and learn from where you made the problem. Don't blame yourself any more than you'd blame yourself for being colorblind or tall.

More about the changes in step 2:

a) I automate and delegate everything even more heavily than I did before. All bills go on autopayment, anything that can be set up to be routine is. Yard service, cleaning service, whatever it is, if it can take things off my plate, sold. Can't overstate how critical it is to not let your own execution problems trap you. Focus on strengths and accept your weaknesses.

b) Calendaring is absolutely essential. He recommends paper, I do it digitally, whatever works for you. I have things set to remind me, and I use it religiously. I have reminders for any recurring activity - daily, weekly, monthly, if it can't be automated, don't try to remember it, instead use reminders. It also must be with you 100% of the time. Literally chain it to your arm if you need to. Which sounds less ludicrous when you call it a 'smartwatch' but...

c) Externalize everything. Draw pictures, flowcharts, checklists, plans, or sketches; set timers, write notes, make boxes and organizers; put gold stars on a chart; whatever it takes, but you can't rely on your own brain to provide feedback. You need things to be concrete and outside of your own mind.

Most importantly, the things you need have to be at where you perform the task, not in the office. I have 3 whiteboards in my house and they are constantly full with relevant, localized info, plans, lists, schedules, etc. I use painter's tape and markers to label everything. Do not label the cats. They do not like it. I routinely go through ~3 rolls of tape a month.

d) You need your environment to fit you, not the other way around. If you can't focus at work, either make changes to where / how you work or find a new job. If your home/neighborhood/city is the wrong size, shape, or activity level, change it. It's that simple, and that serious. A significant undertaking and one that I'm definitely still working on.

Re: You are not 'behind'

#103

Post by jaggederest »

rublev wrote: post #99
jaggederest wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've felt like this my entire life. Turns out for me that it is a symptom of (undiagnosed) ADHD - an execution problem, not a motivational problem. Having gotten that diagnosed, it's a very significant change in my life. To be cliche, the first day of the rest of my life. For many people, "trying to bend their personality into the shape [they] want it to be" is fruitless, totally counterproductive. The first thing I…

I'm going to the doctor. Most days I wake up with so much to do and my mind just crashes and burns. When I am in the zone (couple times a month) I get more done in that zone time than the entire month.

If you ever need advice, commiseration, or just to vent, hit me up, email in my profile here. That goes for anyone reading this, as well.

Re: You are not 'behind'

#104

Post by jaggederest »

anvandare wrote: post #63
sandcastles wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Did you just make up the sand castle analogy?

To the best of my knowledge, yes. It's possible I once overheard/read it somewhere, and have forgotten the source, but it lingered in my brain somewhere. In addition, with 100 billion+ people existing throughout the entirety of the human race, it's unlikely I was the first to think of anything I've ever thought.

It's a genuinely great analogy though, and your particular version is excellent. There's a reason similar sayings have echoed through history.

  "Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them,
  I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:

  And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, 
  and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.

  And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, 
  shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand:

  And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, 
  and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it."

  Matthew 7:24-27 KJV

Re: You are not 'behind'

#105

Post by genkimind »

ruleabidinguser wrote: post #77
jaggederest wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've felt like this my entire life. Turns out for me that it is a symptom of (undiagnosed) ADHD - an execution problem, not a motivational problem. Having gotten that diagnosed, it's a very significant change in my life. To be cliche, the first day of the rest of my life. For many people, "trying to bend their personality into the shape [they] want it to be" is fruitless, totally counterproductive. The first thing I…

What reason is there to think ADHD is just nice words for failure?

It's real.

Re: You are not 'behind'

#106

Post by genkimind »

coldtea wrote: post #91
enraged_camel wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>>99% of the world, and most of the US live their liveσ without ever having one in the bank anyway. Sure, but if you want to have real influence, you need lots of money. We are talking about things like owning media conglomerates and shaping the way the world thinks and behaves. That to me is a lot more interesting than having your own tiny slice of the pie and going through the motions until you die.

> Sure, but if you want to have real influence, you need lots of money. Real influence for what? Power over people? You can change the lives of people around you without "real influence" that comes from money. Not even need to do volunteer in some organization or whatever. Can start by being around for relatives and friends in need. Or some neighbor that has some problem -- perhaps they're old and nobody ever visits…

I really like what you said, and feel the same. I wish more people felt the same way.

Re: You are not 'behind'

#107

Post by KirinDave »

fratlas wrote: post #72
KirinDave wrote: post #66

Articles like this make me uncomfortable, in part because of the huge sum of work I put into making sure I'm abreast of major developments in my field, and learn new fields. I did this because I am behind (my Christian School was just awful for the most part, physics was God's love and math was for liars and moneylenders), and I'll probably never, ever catch up. But still, I am trying to improve. But sometimes I talk…

How do you attempt to fix being behind? Books, blog posts?

Sadly I can't really give you any advice other than to introspect carefully and try to work out what works for you.

There are tons of videos about learning to learn and I've watched a few. Their message is as obvious as it is vague.

1. Set concrete learnig goals. Keep those goals small and reasonable.

2. Reinforce your learning with practical work.

3. Pace yourself. Take a week off every 3 or whatever works. If you burn out you'll lose more time. Similarly, learning is an expensive activity and if you're not well you can't do it effectively, so think about your health.

Re: You are not 'behind'

#108

Post by namuol »

> why the hell it so easy to watch six seasons of Game of Thrones in two weeks but I can’t even get myself to write one fucking page of a book

Wow. Literally read this while watching an episode of Game of Thrones, and I just started two weeks ago, and I'm in the middle of the sixth season.

Re: You are not 'behind'

#109

Post by Paul_S »

namuol wrote: post #108

> why the hell it so easy to watch six seasons of Game of Thrones in two weeks but I can’t even get myself to write one fucking page of a book Wow. Literally read this while watching an episode of Game of Thrones, and I just started two weeks ago, and I'm in the middle of the sixth season.

Passive entertainment is like eating sugar. I don't think it needs much explanation why it's easier to consume it than something else.

Re: You are not 'behind'

#110

Post by songzme »

In April I left google to teach people how to code. I teach for free and I focus primarily on low income adults who are making less than 30k / year in the bay area.

Throughout their lives, my students have felt that they were 'behind' and they are not good enough. This mindset creates adults with low self esteem, which then prevents them from learning. Many times, they nod their head in understanding when they really meant (I have no idea what is going on, but I'll burn the midnight oil and learn it on the Internet after the class). This mindset is incredibly destructive and forces people to memorize things instead of taking the time to understand things.

Recently, we have switched to a curriculum where everyone learns at their own pace. The ones who are ahead are tasked with teaching and helping others. The ones who are slower will teach the next batch of students and take their time to really learn the material. This works for us.

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