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I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

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Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#311

Post by philh »

erikpukinskis wrote: post #139
libria wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes. Why should all dinners be distraction[1] free? I understand dinner is a social event for many cultures/families, but not every person wants this nor am I convinced it must be this way. I'm efficient with my eating and when the family wants to socialize we play Catan or sit a…

You're right. If you have other frequent means of socializing and dinner is just a time for food in mouths, then devices at the table aren't the end of the world. But there is a reason many people like to use dinner as a mandatory point of family social contact: it keeps you on a daily schedule. You can multitask: listening to stories while you chew. And it provides some resilience to changes. Like marriage, there is…

When I don't feel like socializing, I wouldn't want to have a dinner where I can't use my phone.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#312

Post by croon »

jancsika wrote: post #49
careersuicide wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think this is the one thing about technology I'm old fashioned about (I roll my eyes hard when people say stuff like "You should delete your Facebook account, you'll be better off."). If I'm eating food with someone else the phone goes away. The only exception is if in the course of conversation an easily googleable question is asked and both the other person/people and I are actually interested in the answer inste…

So the question that I don't know the answer to: would those couples have engaged each other in meaningful conversation (meaningful to them ) had cellphones not existed? Or does the presence of cellphones reveal that a large number of people were never particularly interested in engaging meaningfully with others but would only feign interest when the alibi of the cellphone isn't available?

> So the question that I don't know the answer to: would those couples have engaged each other in meaningful conversation (meaningful to them) had cellphones not existed? Or does the presence of cellphones reveal that a large number of people were never particularly interested in engaging meaningfully with others but would only feign interest when the alibi of the cellphone isn't available?

I would add a followup to that. Would this also mean that more people are together now that otherwise wouldn't, without that crutch?

Not sure I want anything said with that, but I couldn't help but draw the conclusion.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#313

Post by hycaria »

artur_makly wrote: post #176

Amen. Im glad im not the only one freaking out about this. a few weeks ago i posted to HN asking for parental advice: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=14924520 i mostly got "aahh dont worry about it. you are being hysterical" ... i see it all around me (even in 2nd world countries like Argentina - where im an expat ). Its quickly deteriorating the fabric of our society. When I see families go out together for din…

When and how do one come to think that it is a good thing to let kids watch YT videos ? I used to wonder this but I think now I know why.

I barely watch any myself so I really don't get the hype people seem to have for videos. But my boyfriend watches more YT than I do, and follows channels I don't get the point of. That's actually the moment I realized my disinterest for browsing channels and watching videos was maybe not so common after all.

Also, what's the problem with banning it altogether ? I don't see one, other than the disapointment that compromise didn't work. But of course a 5yo can't have the self control some people never even reach during their lifetimes anyways.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#316

Post by NoGravitas »

citizenkeen wrote: post #7

'One of my favorite things you can do is plan a “device-free dinner.”' _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes. We have a landline expressly to give out to emergency contacts. And dinner is tech free. Every night. I think the main problem is tech has made everything _else_ easier, but parenting harder, and parents ju…

Yeah, the dinner table at our house is always device-free (and book-free). Breakfast and lunch usually are, too, with the caveat that if there are only two people at the table and both of them want to read, then fine.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#317

Post by NoGravitas »

sndean wrote: post #60
libria wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes. Why should all dinners be distraction[1] free? I understand dinner is a social event for many cultures/families, but not every person wants this nor am I convinced it must be this way. I'm efficient with my eating and when the family wants to socialize we play Catan or sit a…

> [1] I'm subbing in "distraction" for "device", my kids have brought non-powered distractions to the table before. This is a good point. I remember my mom getting mad when I'd bring a book to the table (c. 1995). If it's not a phone, it's something else.

My elder child frequently tries to bring a novel to the dinner table, as I'm sure I did at their age. But we don't allow it.

Of course, the image of the paterfamilias at the breakfast table with his nose in the newspaper, ignoring his family, was a constant in the 19th and 20th centuries.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#318

Post by NoGravitas »

tardygrad wrote: post #203
nsxwolf wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree but some of these things sound like moral panics about black rectangles. I don't remember people shaking their heads at parents reading a paperback book at the park, or commuters reading broadsheet newspapers on the train.

Books and papers are passive - they don't have an agenda (beyond what's in the printed content anyway, but you'd generally have an idea about that beforehand). Digital devices on the other hand push their own agenda - driving engagement, registering ad impressions, and are designed to keep you hooked and coming back - because that's what's profitable. Being in control (with passive reading material) vs not being in c…

Depends what you're using the device for? You are assuming that they're being used for social media, and perhaps for most people that's a reasonable assumption. But ebooks and long-form web magazine articles are also perfectly good use-cases for digital devices.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#319

Post by NoGravitas »

yitchelle wrote: post #162
forinti wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

All my family's meals are device-free. My kids don't even question it: they turn the TV off themselves when we call them. We have one TV in the house and it can't be turned on in the morning. The kids don't seem to suffer at all.

> ... it can't be turned on in the morning. How are you doing this? I have been for a solution to this for the last few months but nothing really came up. TIA.

Even if our kids turned on the TV, there would be nothing to watch on it except the Chromecast homescreen. No cable, no antenna. Elder child's phone has no video apps on it except the built-in one they can play their own home videos on (maybe they could cast those to the TV?).

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#320

Post by NoGravitas »

sn9 wrote: post #220
Noos wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is just nostalgia talking. Most of 80's and 90's kid programming was trash, too.

Speaking as someone who grew up without cable in the 90s, there was a ton of great content in that era and the quality took a huge hit in the 2000s and later. We had shows like X-Men which tackled issues like racism and prejudice, Captain Planet which tackled pollution and environmental stewardship, shows like Gargoyles that introduced mythology and Shakespeare and treated kids like intelligent human beings, Animania…

Reminder that at least Animaniacs and Magic Schoolbus are on Netflix (I watch them with my kids, in small doses). Haven't checked for the others.

I'm kind of sad that BtAS is not on Netflix, though.

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