I don't think it was tech specifically as much as the love of tech.
I appreciate the reminder to be mindful for my own family's sake!
I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids
211–220 of 388 posts
Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids
#212It's a level-headed article. Parenting, like almost nothing else, turns normal, intelligent, educated people into nutters. A rational, evidence-based conversation about screen time, breastfeeding, pregnancy, birth, education, and diet is increasingly impossible to have, especially with millennial parents. I just got my four year old an iPhone (with a data plan, because she realized she didn't have wifi in the car). I…
Anyone whose jaw is on the floor in horror at this post, be advised that it's not some hyper-connected techie outlier: this is absolutely the norm now.
My wife teaches in a mixed lowish-to-upper-middle school district in (what I'm sure many of you will consider to be) backward-ass Kansas City. Most of the kids have a personal smartphone by 2nd or 3rd grade. All except a tiny minority with stricter parents have them by 5th or so—we're talking 1-2 a class without a personal smartphone, tops. The school abandoned efforts to keep phones out years ago, and I've been told that's how most are now. Taking a phone being used in class will just earn you a pissed-off self-righteous parent who may or may not turn out to be a nutter who tries to get you fired, so no-one even tries, and besides, school policies on phone use are weak—they've just surrendered, because almost no parents would back them up on any kind of anti-phone policy with teeth, and many would actively fight it. My wife's many times had to scold kids for texting their friggin' parents while lessons are going on.
Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids
#213'One of my favorite things you can do is plan a “device-free dinner.”' _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes. We have a landline expressly to give out to emergency contacts. And dinner is tech free. Every night. I think the main problem is tech has made everything _else_ easier, but parenting harder, and parents ju…
> _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes. Why should all dinners be distraction[1] free? I understand dinner is a social event for many cultures/families, but not every person wants this nor am I convinced it must be this way. I'm efficient with my eating and when the family wants to socialize we play Catan or sit a…
My kids watch TV or play with iPads during dinner. They are perfectly fine if not well above-average. I think it can possibly exacerbate certain bad behaviors, but it won't make good kids turn bad.
Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids
#214Earlier quoted context omitted.
Disciplining a kid like they are a dog just feels like a marginal step up from corporal punishment. Instead I believe in a more empathetic approach. I can teach a kid why its dangerous to walk into the street, no so with a dog, which can only learn via positive & negative associations, without understanding or communicating the reason why. A gold fish can be trained to swim through a hoop by giving a treat. A kid has…
>I can teach a kid why its dangerous to walk into the street Children are neurologically incapable of understanding a large proportion of the dangers they face. Toddlers simply can't understand the cause and effect of "run into street -> get run over". Younger children who lack a fully developed theory of mind can't understand the concept of lying. Younger teenagers often attempt suicide as a means of seeking attenti…
well I didn't ever like homework either. I failed classes because I was up all night programming. I hated homework because I was hungrier to work on something more interesting. Not because I didn't want to learn. I believe in letting people follow their calling. For some that means not wearing a seatbelt or becoming obese and that does not harm me. Toddlers is a different story. If a toddler throws a temper tantrum I believe in comforting. With an animal you'd lock it in a crate. I had behavior problems and the experts told my parents to give me more access to technology instead of take it away. It worked
Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids
#215I got Internet access in 1990 when I was 12 years old. Completely unfettered, unmonitored, unlimited in any way. And I wouldn't trade it for anything. Certainly many, if not most, kids would end up obsessing over social status and gossip and similar things. That has nothing to do with technology and absolutely everything to do with how they deal with their life in general. They're encouraged to avoid taking an intell…
What? The only kids for whom addictive technology could pose a problem, or be a negative influence, are the "bullies" and "kids that have always been popular"?
This is obviously wrong (there are plenty of young people who don't fit that description who are addicted to tech--for example the hikikomori [0] in Japan) and a massive generalization based on your own person experience.
[0] http://fusion.net/video/568756/hikikomori-japans-lost-genera...
Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids
#216I agree with the sentiment of this, but this is pretty light.
Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids
#217Earlier quoted context omitted.
Sorry, that's not true at all. My phone provides the same services to me digitally that the analog world provided. It just does it more efficiently. I can read a book, keep in touch, learn a new skill, or research a topic all from the same device. That's an insane amount of value and I won't panic over using it because we didn't in the old days.
This is not completely unlike saying "drugs can help me focus and boost my creativity". Sure, it can , and a diminishing and statistically insignificant minority use it exclusively for that. As to the rest of us... we're just junkies.
I don't think it's fair to blame phones for most people being near average.
90% of what 90% of people say just doesn't matter. So it doesn't matter if they're staring at their phones instead of talking about their weekend plans or their cousin's weddings, or any other tidbit of nothing that occupies their public vocalizations.
Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids
#218Earlier quoted context omitted.
It's amazing how well kids adapt when expectations are set and they know them. We used to let the kids watch an iPad in the car and there was always fighting because everyone wanted to watch different shows. So we took the iPad out of the car and now the kids only have books to read in the car. Since we did that car rides have been so much better.
Do they not get car sick from reading books while driving? I remember as a kid on long car trips I would try and read but I'd always feel sick from it, however I was fine watching movies on a portable DVD player.
Dunno why you're being downvoted - as a kid I was an avid reader. I could not read on our long car trips to visit relatives - instant nausea.
Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids
#219I have a 14 yr old and a 16 yr old step kids. They both live with their phones in their hands. I took them camping this past weekend. Fishing (caught 4 lake trout!), tubing, camp fire .. it was a blast. Even though their was no cell and no wifi neither of them could bare to put their phone down AND CHECK IT. They had fun, but the second they weren't stimulated they were asking to take a 40 minute boat ride (45mph!) t…
Hey, I think you're doing a good job. 4 lake trout beats any number of upvotes!
Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids
#220Earlier quoted context omitted.
> I think it should rightfully be heartbreaking to deny that to a kid who would have it. I'm going to assume you haven't seen the steaming piles that are today's kid's shows and apps. There's no way that crap is as mentally stimulating as content from the 90s (or before). It's optimized for addiction. And I'm not saying to cut it off entirely. I'm just saying the new stuff is universally terrible.
This is just nostalgia talking. Most of 80's and 90's kid programming was trash, too.
Speaking as someone who grew up without cable in the 90s, there was a ton of great content in that era and the quality took a huge hit in the 2000s and later.
We had shows like X-Men which tackled issues like racism and prejudice, Captain Planet which tackled pollution and environmental stewardship, shows like Gargoyles that introduced mythology and Shakespeare and treated kids like intelligent human beings, Animaniacs which introduced a generation to the Vaudeville tradition of humor, The Magic School Bus which taught children all sorts of facts about the world, etc.
I could honestly go on and on but there was just a ton of great content for kids in the 90s (on network television alone!).