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I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

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Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#201

Post by OJFord »

sndean wrote: post #60
libria wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes. Why should all dinners be distraction[1] free? I understand dinner is a social event for many cultures/families, but not every person wants this nor am I convinced it must be this way. I'm efficient with my eating and when the family wants to socialize we play Catan or sit a…

> [1] I'm subbing in "distraction" for "device", my kids have brought non-powered distractions to the table before. This is a good point. I remember my mom getting mad when I'd bring a book to the table (c. 1995). If it's not a phone, it's something else.

I do think you might talk to me, Charles. I've had a very exhausting day! Take me out of myself!

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#202

Post by tisdy »

yitchelle wrote: post #162
forinti wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

All my family's meals are device-free. My kids don't even question it: they turn the TV off themselves when we call them. We have one TV in the house and it can't be turned on in the morning. The kids don't seem to suffer at all.

> ... it can't be turned on in the morning. How are you doing this? I have been for a solution to this for the last few months but nothing really came up. TIA.

"Don't turn on the TV or ."

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#203

Post by tardygrad »

nsxwolf wrote: post #50
citizenkeen wrote: post #7

'One of my favorite things you can do is plan a “device-free dinner.”' _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes. We have a landline expressly to give out to emergency contacts. And dinner is tech free. Every night. I think the main problem is tech has made everything _else_ easier, but parenting harder, and parents ju…

I agree but some of these things sound like moral panics about black rectangles. I don't remember people shaking their heads at parents reading a paperback book at the park, or commuters reading broadsheet newspapers on the train.

Books and papers are passive - they don't have an agenda (beyond what's in the printed content anyway, but you'd generally have an idea about that beforehand).

Digital devices on the other hand push their own agenda - driving engagement, registering ad impressions, and are designed to keep you hooked and coming back - because that's what's profitable.

Being in control (with passive reading material) vs not being in control (with digital devices, unless you're extraordinarily focussed) is the point of contention, at least the way I see it.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#204

Post by dharma1 »

two kids, 2 and 7. They have a hard time having dinner without watching something on iPad. Otherwise the 2 year old doesn't use technology aside from TV, 7 year old has 1 hour of iPad time most days.

I like to give them some exposure to tech but much of it so addictive, makes me think how it must affect reward pathways in a maturing brain

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#205

Post by nxc18 »

devmunchies wrote: post #95
mcone wrote: post #24

This doesn't invalidate the article, but I feel the need to point out that the author lives in a $63 million house with $80,000 worth of TV screens lining the walls. "Anyone in the house can change the screens’ displays to their favorite painting or photograph, in effect personalizing the room (via lighting, temperature, and even decor) to the guest’s own flavor." [0] They certainly didn't do themselves any favors wh…

Yes, a "career in tech" and a tech-lifestyle are different things and you can keep them separated. Based on the article and your comment it seems they have more of a problem with the latter.

This is big. I used to work for a manager who didn't even have a computer at home (and no smartphone in 2013). She definitely excelled at keeping tech out of her daily life.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#206

Post by StanislavPetrov »

Noos wrote: post #165

"As its use has proliferated, so has its effects... ...the interviewer, apparently, asks young people (age 18 to 22 years old) the following: whether men with the (device hidden) are human or not; whether they are losing contact with reality; whether the relation between eyes and ears is changing radically, whether they are psychotic or schizophrenic; whether they are worried about the fate of humanity." Can you gues…

>yet somehow humanity survived.

A very convincing and cogent argument can be made to the contrary.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#207

Post by StanislavPetrov »

rayiner wrote: post #177
sha34d wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is absolute insanity. 4 years old with a data plan? Can Facetime you at work any time? Where the fuck do you work?? Why does your 4 year old need an internet connected device of her own??

Seems pretty great to me. She watches Wild Kratz and corrects me when I say that spiders are insects. She Facetimes me in the car on the way home from school, she Facetimes her grandparents who live 3,000 miles away. She's gotten really good at the Paw Patrol iPhone game. She just figured out how to print stuff to color on. I don't get the screen-time hate in this thread at all . I don't know about you, but I was a n…

> I turned out great (married, kid, good job).

A lot of people would draw a distinction with your definition of "great". Great people are moral, intelligent and aware. Lots of worthless people are married, have kids, and make a lot of money.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#208

Post by mirimir »

posguy wrote: post #51
joezydeco wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Look around in any restaurant these days and you'll easily see half of the adults in the room engaged with their phones at some part of the evening, if not most of it.

The occasional check of your phone is very different than staring at your glowing rectangle through the entire dinner, ignoring those you are with entirely.

Hey, imagine when that "glowing rectangle" exists privately in the visual cortex ;)

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#209

Post by prawn »

lamp_book wrote: post #86
jancsika wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So the question that I don't know the answer to: would those couples have engaged each other in meaningful conversation (meaningful to them ) had cellphones not existed? Or does the presence of cellphones reveal that a large number of people were never particularly interested in engaging meaningfully with others but would only feign interest when the alibi of the cellphone isn't available?

Or a more optimistic view: it takes some effort to get to interesting conversation; you have to go through some fakeish small talk to find a topic worth discussing. Phones don't require that effort, they're the path of least resistance.

Your least resistance point is crucial. I suspect that social media likes/karma will act as a low-effort faux-earning that waylays young people. It's a sense of achievement, but one that doesn't pay the bills unless you're one of the few able to derive an income from your broadcast.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#210

Post by prawn »

dannysu wrote: post #27
careersuicide wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think this is the one thing about technology I'm old fashioned about (I roll my eyes hard when people say stuff like "You should delete your Facebook account, you'll be better off."). If I'm eating food with someone else the phone goes away. The only exception is if in the course of conversation an easily googleable question is asked and both the other person/people and I are actually interested in the answer inste…

It's true. I was having hot pot with my wife the other day. Sitting near us was a couple, both on their phones the whole time and not looking at each other. When I first played with smartphone, it was before most people had phones with Internet (it was pre-iPhone). Someone commented on how I was on the phone all the time and the lesson stuck with me ever since. Now I don't do that to people.

Don't be too quick to judge people in all of these situations. Not saying it was likely in your example, but I've had meals where I've just spent days out of range with someone, talking endlessly in the car and on hiking trails, and then got to a restaurant with wi-fi and used that as the best chance to communicate with other people for the first time in a while, or deal with work emails.
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