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I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

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Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#191

Post by l33tbro »

pnathan wrote: post #184

Politely, this is not a new problem. Nor is it untypical for the upper crust to have issues with their kids, if myths and tales from earlier times are to be believed. I can confidently say that screen addiction is kind of a thing for many kids. They can't bear to be without it. I notice my baby stares at the glowing screens, the phones, the computers. He also stares at fires. Brightness is attractive, apparently. But…

The lack of awe is what surprises me. Just how quickly we take each breakthrough for granted.

Sure, we're spinning faster and faster, as you say. But sometimes I think it's actually the FOMO mechanism built into social media that is keeping us unimpressed by the amazing technology powering it. Kind of a cruel joke really.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#192

Post by KirinDave »

I think maybe mobile tech is starting to go through it's 90's-era-children's-tv-style "Oh my god nearly everything we've made is a manipulative commercial designed to get an economic outcome without regard for the consequences to the kids" moment.

And that's good. Because while kids are much more susceptible to the attention-seeking games mobile app designers play, they are by no means ineffective on adults.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#193

Post by jdietrich »

joshribakoff wrote: post #170
imchillyb wrote: post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

@joshribakoff, you're being disingenuous. You left out the important part of that quote: > they need to be raised deliberately. if you spoil a dog, and dont train it, what kind of dog do you wind up with? what kind of people do you end up with when they are sucked into ipads while still in a stroller, and they are sent to schools that are little more than zoos being overseen by air-headed sorority girls? That is succ…

Disciplining a kid like they are a dog just feels like a marginal step up from corporal punishment. Instead I believe in a more empathetic approach. I can teach a kid why its dangerous to walk into the street, no so with a dog, which can only learn via positive & negative associations, without understanding or communicating the reason why. A gold fish can be trained to swim through a hoop by giving a treat. A kid has…

>I can teach a kid why its dangerous to walk into the street

Children are neurologically incapable of understanding a large proportion of the dangers they face. Toddlers simply can't understand the cause and effect of "run into street -> get run over". Younger children who lack a fully developed theory of mind can't understand the concept of lying. Younger teenagers often attempt suicide as a means of seeking attention, without fully understanding the finality of death. Older teenagers have a very limited ability to reason about more abstract risk behaviours like distracted driving or binge drinking.

Unless your child is extraordinarily precocious, some amount of "don't do that or there'll be trouble" will inevitably be necessary. Hell, adults often respond far better to simple conditioning than logical reasoning. Patiently explaining the risks of smoking was far less effective than simply stigmatising the behaviour. Everyone knows that they need to eat less and exercise more, but that knowledge has done practically nothing to stem the obesity epidemic. We can't expect children to understand that homework is a necessary investment in their future when most adults don't save enough for retirement.

Children need to be taught self-regulation, but it's unrealistic and unfair to burden them with the full responsibility of disciplining themselves. Rules and boundaries are a kindness, not a cruelty - they give children a safe space in which to learn and develop.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#194

Post by Sir_Substance »

wutbrodo wrote: post #188
Sir_Substance wrote: post #180

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>(I roll my eyes hard when people say stuff like "You should delete your Facebook account, you'll be better off.") Your mortgage might be more expensive than it should be because of your facebook account. https://www.ft.com/content/e8ccd7b8-6459-11e6-a08a-c7ac04ef0... If the cost of your home increases by $10,000 in extra interest over the lifespan of the mortgage due to things your friends post on your facebook wall…

Doesn't it follow that it might be cheaper as well? Especially for this audience

>Doesn't it follow that it might be cheaper as well? Especially for this audience

That's not up to you, credit score systems based on your social media profile examine your friends as much as they do you. Job prospects are also affected by how your friends post and present on facebook: http://theundercoverrecruiter.com/facebook-friends-matter/

Remember: How your friends express themselves affects your financial future, so work hard to keep them in line citizen!

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#195

Post by wutbrodo »

rayiner wrote: post #59
rmxt wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If your takeaway from your link was that "it's fine" and not "that further research is necessary"... you are going one step further than the article. I can understand why people don't want screen time when their kids are toddlers -- you only get to raise your kids once. If the jury is out on whether or not "screentime" is bad, some parents err on the side of caution. Regardless, kids are malleable enough that any "fa…

The article says: "While we agree that the well-being of children is a crucial issue and that the impact of screen-based lifestyles demands serious investigation, the message that many parents will hear is that screens are inherently harmful. This is simply not supported by solid research and evidence. " If an effect is so small that existing studies haven't measured it yet, then it's probably fine to ignore it even…

> If an effect is so small that existing studies haven't measured it yet, then it's probably fine to ignore it even if future studies might find a very small effect.

This is just blind scientism of the worst kind. The only things you can draw this conclusion about are _the specific possible effects that have been studied_. The possibility of screens around children all day hasn't been around for very long at all, and it's not irrational for parents to suspect that there may be effects that would only show up in, e.g., longitudinal studies.

Hell, the _very statement that you're quoting_ uses the words "the impact of screen-based lifestyles demands serious investigation". Parental caution (and those of institutional recommendations) in the lead-up to a more fleshed-out body of scientific literature on the topic isn't unreasonable at all.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#196

Post by msla »

lamp_book wrote: post #86
jancsika wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So the question that I don't know the answer to: would those couples have engaged each other in meaningful conversation (meaningful to them ) had cellphones not existed? Or does the presence of cellphones reveal that a large number of people were never particularly interested in engaging meaningfully with others but would only feign interest when the alibi of the cellphone isn't available?

Or a more optimistic view: it takes some effort to get to interesting conversation; you have to go through some fakeish small talk to find a topic worth discussing. Phones don't require that effort, they're the path of least resistance.

Smalltalk is ideally about finding a hook, a more interesting shared topic which can support a more fulfilling conversation. Otherwise, it's just killing time, and I daresay most here have more intellectually stimulating ways to kill time.

The complexity is when people regard a lack of smalltalk as a chilly isolation. I personally have been called stuck-up because I didn't engage in smalltalk at school. Some cultures are more oriented to this than others.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#197

Post by Nition »

mixmastamyk wrote: post #128
Frank2312 wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My sister does that. She just keeps the TV on at all times. Watching a show on Netflix on her tablet? TV on. Takes a shower and is in the bathroom for 30-45 minutes? TV on. Leaves the house and someone is there, though not watching TV? Let's TV on. I have to shut it down myself. I have absolutely no idea how she picked up that habit. No one in the (immediate) family does it.

Some people like background noise, not a fan myself.

If pure background noise is the goal, a radio would waste a lot less electricity.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#198

Post by eric_h »

posguy wrote: post #51
joezydeco wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Look around in any restaurant these days and you'll easily see half of the adults in the room engaged with their phones at some part of the evening, if not most of it.

The occasional check of your phone is very different than staring at your glowing rectangle through the entire dinner, ignoring those you are with entirely.

Like literally every human quality and habit, it's a spectrum, and people arbitrarily stake out a line on that spectrum (as we do with all the other spectrums).

Not intended as a judgement, just an observation.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#199

Post by rayiner »

wutbrodo wrote: post #195
rayiner wrote: post #59

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The article says: "While we agree that the well-being of children is a crucial issue and that the impact of screen-based lifestyles demands serious investigation, the message that many parents will hear is that screens are inherently harmful. This is simply not supported by solid research and evidence. " If an effect is so small that existing studies haven't measured it yet, then it's probably fine to ignore it even…

> If an effect is so small that existing studies haven't measured it yet, then it's probably fine to ignore it even if future studies might find a very small effect. This is just blind scientism of the worst kind. The only things you can draw this conclusion about are _the specific possible effects that have been studied_. The possibility of screens around children all day hasn't been around for very long at all, and…

> This is just blind scientism of the worst kind

No, it's an inference drawn form imperfect information, which is the bedrock of policy-making and civilized life in general. Screens have been around for decades now. They have been the subject of significant study in different contexts. The average American has watched more than four hours of TV per day for more than thirty years. An entire generation was raised in front of the TV. If there was a major first order effect from "screen time," we'd know about it by now.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#200

Post by hammock »

citizenkeen wrote: post #7

'One of my favorite things you can do is plan a “device-free dinner.”' _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes. We have a landline expressly to give out to emergency contacts. And dinner is tech free. Every night. I think the main problem is tech has made everything _else_ easier, but parenting harder, and parents ju…

Eh.. I still remember growing up, friends would call during dinner and you'd go answer it (landline). And at a certain age, my parents realized how important social stuff was they'd let me talk to them

Also for the longest time we weren't allowed to watch TV, however in later years of my childhood this rule was relaxed. Of course it was never in the room we ate in, that would be terrible although I know many families are in front of the TV).

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