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I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

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Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#171

Post by saalweachter »

icebraining wrote: post #150
macNchz wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There's no real difference in that situation, but people don't generally read paperback books when out to dinner with friends, while driving on the highway, while walking on a crowded sidewalk, during a movie at the theater, during class at school or in a meeting at work... which are all common situations where I regularly see people glued to their phones.

I have to admit to two of those :)

Four. >.>

But then, when I was in college, I'd read paperbacks while riding a bike to class.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#172

Post by rayiner »

forinti wrote: post #57
nsxwolf wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree but some of these things sound like moral panics about black rectangles. I don't remember people shaking their heads at parents reading a paperback book at the park, or commuters reading broadsheet newspapers on the train.

But cellphones and these endless scrolling social apps that get our attention aren't really the same thing as books or even newspapers. They just seem to suck your ability to focus out of you and don't really give you back anything.

That's nonsense. My wife is always glued to her phone checking twitter/facebook/etc. and is way more informed than back in the bad old days when you had to get all your information from a handful of biased corporate newspapers.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#173

Post by noonespecial »

I think the opposite. Every one of the effects (and more) that she decided happened too early before her kids were "emotionally ready", the high school experience smashed down on me like a meteor strike.

A link to my tribe in my pocket making me feel even a bit less than a complete outsider would have been a godsend.

Bbs's saved my ass while my parents fretted that "all that time on the computer doing god knows what" would ruin me for life so what do I know?

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#175

Post by rayiner »

socialist_coder wrote: post #29
forinti wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

All my family's meals are device-free. My kids don't even question it: they turn the TV off themselves when we call them. We have one TV in the house and it can't be turned on in the morning. The kids don't seem to suffer at all.

My house is the same way, but I think you have to realize that we're in the vast minority though. Whenever I'm visiting with family in the US, their TV is usually on. It's constantly on. The kids run around with devices with very little oversight or limits. It's absolutely terrible, but's also super common. Sigh.

What makes it "absolutely terrible?"

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#176

Post by artur_makly »

Amen. Im glad im not the only one freaking out about this.

a few weeks ago i posted to HN asking for parental advice: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=14924520

i mostly got "aahh dont worry about it. you are being hysterical" ... i see it all around me (even in 2nd world countries like Argentina - where im an expat ).

Its quickly deteriorating the fabric of our society. When I see families go out together for dinner ( 90% of them are ALL on their phones ) .. Single fathers with their sons.. both on phones.. At a singles-night at a bar.. all on phones instagramming hard.

Their little brains are being hardwired to the digital COCA-COLA..and when the water comes around they look at you like "why drink that shit?!"

When he grows up.. no laptop at school for him: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/a-learning-secret...

in fact our family is seriously thinking of moving to Patagonia, just to re-calibrate with natural wavelengths.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#177

Post by rayiner »

sha34d wrote: post #97
rayiner wrote: post #4

It's a level-headed article. Parenting, like almost nothing else, turns normal, intelligent, educated people into nutters. A rational, evidence-based conversation about screen time, breastfeeding, pregnancy, birth, education, and diet is increasingly impossible to have, especially with millennial parents. I just got my four year old an iPhone (with a data plan, because she realized she didn't have wifi in the car). I…

This is absolute insanity. 4 years old with a data plan? Can Facetime you at work any time? Where the fuck do you work?? Why does your 4 year old need an internet connected device of her own??

Seems pretty great to me. She watches Wild Kratz and corrects me when I say that spiders are insects. She Facetimes me in the car on the way home from school, she Facetimes her grandparents who live 3,000 miles away. She's gotten really good at the Paw Patrol iPhone game. She just figured out how to print stuff to color on.

I don't get the screen-time hate in this thread at all. I don't know about you, but I was a nerd who was glued to an NES since age 5, and a computer since age 8. I turned out great (married, kid, good job). I highly doubt most of us on HN were well-socialized little kids who spent all their time playing outside.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#178

Post by senko »

benologist wrote: post #107
QAPereo wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There's something really sinister about watching a toddler utterly engrossed in someone unwrapping Kinder eggs, for hours . In the 90's, the internet involved more than just slapping your palm against a screen and not blinking for the rest of the afternoon, and TV was in limited supply. Today, you never have to take a break if someone isn't there to teach you how, or even that you should.

In the 90s we watched crap literally engineered to sell toys. http://www.retrodomination.com/master-of-your-universe-the-s...

In the 10s as well: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0418279/

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#179

Post by alexashka »

I've found that the more competent and as a result confident the parents, the less they micro-manage their kids.

They don't feel the need to send them to private schools, have them be A students, get into universities, spend less time on their phone etc etc etc.

That's just insecure, overbearing parents.

There's some subtle irony in the same person who is part of a foundation saving kids in Africa, worrying about phone use. You'd think she'd have a greater perspective on these things.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#180

Post by Sir_Substance »

careersuicide wrote: post #18
citizenkeen wrote: post #7

'One of my favorite things you can do is plan a “device-free dinner.”' _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes. We have a landline expressly to give out to emergency contacts. And dinner is tech free. Every night. I think the main problem is tech has made everything _else_ easier, but parenting harder, and parents ju…

I think this is the one thing about technology I'm old fashioned about (I roll my eyes hard when people say stuff like "You should delete your Facebook account, you'll be better off."). If I'm eating food with someone else the phone goes away. The only exception is if in the course of conversation an easily googleable question is asked and both the other person/people and I are actually interested in the answer inste…

>(I roll my eyes hard when people say stuff like "You should delete your Facebook account, you'll be better off.")

Your mortgage might be more expensive than it should be because of your facebook account.

https://www.ft.com/content/e8ccd7b8-6459-11e6-a08a-c7ac04ef0...

If the cost of your home increases by $10,000 in extra interest over the lifespan of the mortgage due to things your friends post on your facebook wall and you use facebook for 80 years of your life, will you still be happy with your $125 per year facebook subscription?

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