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I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

washingtonpost.com

71–80 of 388 posts

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#71
post #10

I have a 14 yr old and a 16 yr old step kids. They both live with their phones in their hands. I took them camping this past weekend. Fishing (caught 4 lake trout!), tubing, camp fire .. it was a blast. Even though their was no cell and no wifi neither of them could bare to put their phone down AND CHECK IT. They had fun, but the second they weren't stimulated they were asking to take a 40 minute boat ride (45mph!) t…

Sad!

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#72
post #43
post #4

It's a level-headed article. Parenting, like almost nothing else, turns normal, intelligent, educated people into nutters. A rational, evidence-based conversation about screen time, breastfeeding, pregnancy, birth, education, and diet is increasingly impossible to have, especially with millennial parents. I just got my four year old an iPhone (with a data plan, because she realized she didn't have wifi in the car). I…

If your takeaway from your link was that "it's fine" and not "that further research is necessary"... you are going one step further than the article. I can understand why people don't want screen time when their kids are toddlers -- you only get to raise your kids once. If the jury is out on whether or not "screentime" is bad, some parents err on the side of caution. Regardless, kids are malleable enough that any "fa…

>beyond being able to have access to their parents at any time during the day //

That sounds like anything but an advantage if you eventually seek to have children be independently capable and willing to rely on their own resources.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#73
post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's true. I was having hot pot with my wife the other day. Sitting near us was a couple, both on their phones the whole time and not looking at each other. When I first played with smartphone, it was before most people had phones with Internet (it was pre-iPhone). Someone commented on how I was on the phone all the time and the lesson stuck with me ever since. Now I don't do that to people.

Look around in any restaurant these days and you'll easily see half of the adults in the room engaged with their phones at some part of the evening, if not most of it.

Be sure to judge them for that, too. This forum exists because of money spent by people on their phones all day.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#74
post #10

I have a 14 yr old and a 16 yr old step kids. They both live with their phones in their hands. I took them camping this past weekend. Fishing (caught 4 lake trout!), tubing, camp fire .. it was a blast. Even though their was no cell and no wifi neither of them could bare to put their phone down AND CHECK IT. They had fun, but the second they weren't stimulated they were asking to take a 40 minute boat ride (45mph!) t…

When I was 14 we always took plenty of snacks and a set of playing cards to any vacation or outdoor activity.

It doesn't have anything to do with tech. Young people just get bored easily.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#75
post #57
post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree but some of these things sound like moral panics about black rectangles. I don't remember people shaking their heads at parents reading a paperback book at the park, or commuters reading broadsheet newspapers on the train.

But cellphones and these endless scrolling social apps that get our attention aren't really the same thing as books or even newspapers. They just seem to suck your ability to focus out of you and don't really give you back anything.

I for one read books on my phone at the park. How’s that any different from reading a paperback book at the park?

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#76
post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If your takeaway from your link was that "it's fine" and not "that further research is necessary"... you are going one step further than the article. I can understand why people don't want screen time when their kids are toddlers -- you only get to raise your kids once. If the jury is out on whether or not "screentime" is bad, some parents err on the side of caution. Regardless, kids are malleable enough that any "fa…

>beyond being able to have access to their parents at any time during the day // That sounds like anything but an advantage if you eventually seek to have children be independently capable and willing to rely on their own resources.

> That sounds like anything but an advantage if you eventually seek to have children be independently capable and willing to rely on their own resources.

I mean, this is fuzzy-headed thinking. You can flip that around just as easily: allowing a kid to reach out to a parent as needed using her own agency can reduce the anxiety that makes children clingy. It's like training wheels: do they encourage or discourage biking without them?

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#77
post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I spent a lot of the decade of the 90s having the best times of my life immersing myself in video games and the Internet, and looking back it seems to me like I'm the better for it. I think it should rightfully be heartbreaking to deny that to a kid who would have it.

> I think it should rightfully be heartbreaking to deny that to a kid who would have it. I'm going to assume you haven't seen the steaming piles that are today's kid's shows and apps. There's no way that crap is as mentally stimulating as content from the 90s (or before). It's optimized for addiction. And I'm not saying to cut it off entirely. I'm just saying the new stuff is universally terrible.

Pbskids and nickjr have shows with good content. I've learned a lot of recent science about dinosaurs by watching Dinosaur Train. There are also a lot of great videos on you tube about wildlife and about making things. We've probably watched the lego great ball contraption video (e.g [1]) 100 times and now my 6 yr old is making conveyer belts and machines for moving marbles.

You just have to look for it.

[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxMMtIxDrGk

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#78
post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wonder about the efficacy of banning the devices entirely until a certain point. Is that all that is done or is an attempt made to teach children how to responsibly use the devices so they don't gorge themselves when the ban is lifted?

It's for grown-ups like us to be able to remember "Oh yeah, there was a time that I wasn't umbilically tethered to a screen at all times and places, and I got along just fine. "

Will that be the effect on children though? I don't see how prohibition gets us there on its own. It doesn't work for any other addiction.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#79
post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sometimes conversation may occur that otherwise would have been avoided thanks to cellphones, other times you get calming silence instead. Its a definite risk, but the whole equation is ignored usually.

> other times you get calming silence instead I always like that Pulp Fiction line: "That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence." I don't think a moment of silence is any excuse to pull out the cellphone. In fact, I think this highlights part of the problem we have with cellphones. We expect constant entertainment, action, and…

[deleted]

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#80
post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If your takeaway from your link was that "it's fine" and not "that further research is necessary"... you are going one step further than the article. I can understand why people don't want screen time when their kids are toddlers -- you only get to raise your kids once. If the jury is out on whether or not "screentime" is bad, some parents err on the side of caution. Regardless, kids are malleable enough that any "fa…

>beyond being able to have access to their parents at any time during the day // That sounds like anything but an advantage if you eventually seek to have children be independently capable and willing to rely on their own resources.

On the contrary. Being able to communicate with parents at any time lets them take more calculated risks and grow more independent.

If I had a cellphone when I was a kid, taking the bus for the first time would not have been so terrifying.

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