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I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

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Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#41

Post by foodshin »

While I do appreciate how much is at my fingertips with my phone I also acknowledge how it can insidiously develop unnecessary habits–random home button tapping anyone? Reminds me of this article: https://theroamingmind.com/2017/03/06/social-media-is-the-ne...

I also don't want to be quick in demonizing specific apps or companies. I have power over my notification settings which have a huge effect on usage patterns. I've been using Moment (https://inthemoment.io/) to help get quick snapshots at my utilization rates.

*Edit: grammar

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#42

Post by mquander »

koolba wrote: post #35
mquander wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I spent a lot of the decade of the 90s having the best times of my life immersing myself in video games and the Internet, and looking back it seems to me like I'm the better for it. I think it should rightfully be heartbreaking to deny that to a kid who would have it.

> I think it should rightfully be heartbreaking to deny that to a kid who would have it. I'm going to assume you haven't seen the steaming piles that are today's kid's shows and apps. There's no way that crap is as mentally stimulating as content from the 90s (or before). It's optimized for addiction. And I'm not saying to cut it off entirely. I'm just saying the new stuff is universally terrible.

I sympathize. The new kid-targeted stuff is strange and I would be pretty weirded out to see my kid obsessed with it, that's for sure.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#43

Post by rmxt »

rayiner wrote: post #4

It's a level-headed article. Parenting, like almost nothing else, turns normal, intelligent, educated people into nutters. A rational, evidence-based conversation about screen time, breastfeeding, pregnancy, birth, education, and diet is increasingly impossible to have, especially with millennial parents. I just got my four year old an iPhone (with a data plan, because she realized she didn't have wifi in the car). I…

If your takeaway from your link was that "it's fine" and not "that further research is necessary"... you are going one step further than the article.

I can understand why people don't want screen time when their kids are toddlers -- you only get to raise your kids once. If the jury is out on whether or not "screentime" is bad, some parents err on the side of caution. Regardless, kids are malleable enough that any "familiarity gap" that the "iPhone user from age 2" has over the "iPhone user from age 6" has will likely be near zero within a few months at that age.

What benefits have you found your child to have derived from relatively early smartphone use beyond being able to have access to their parents at any time during the day?

My personal take is that, as with all things, moderation is key.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#44

Post by dionidium »

mulmen wrote: post #31
justadeveloper2 wrote: post #22

Technology does not care about human values.

How can this be true? Technology is created exclusively by people. Our values are baked in. Filesystems have a concept of ownership, ask your dog what that means.

I think it's more accurate to say that technology reveals the edges and contours of our values.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#45

Post by jasonmp85 »

citizenkeen wrote: post #12
rayiner wrote: post #4

It's a level-headed article. Parenting, like almost nothing else, turns normal, intelligent, educated people into nutters. A rational, evidence-based conversation about screen time, breastfeeding, pregnancy, birth, education, and diet is increasingly impossible to have, especially with millennial parents. I just got my four year old an iPhone (with a data plan, because she realized she didn't have wifi in the car). I…

My wife is a pediatric OT and she no longer sees children 6 and under whose parents give them an electronic device. She's on the front lines and says those kids are just... rough. Anecdotal, yes, but it's just not worth her time / money.

"Front lines"? Is this a war?

Can you expand on this? She no longer sees them because they don't need services, or because she refuses to care for them? What purpose does that serve? I'm seriously dumbfounded.

(edited to remove question about why a child needs OT)

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#46

Post by blacksmith_tb »

artursapek wrote: post #17
rayiner wrote: post #4

It's a level-headed article. Parenting, like almost nothing else, turns normal, intelligent, educated people into nutters. A rational, evidence-based conversation about screen time, breastfeeding, pregnancy, birth, education, and diet is increasingly impossible to have, especially with millennial parents. I just got my four year old an iPhone (with a data plan, because she realized she didn't have wifi in the car). I…

You're doing your daughter a disservice.

Agreed, that sounds terrible to me, I don't let my 7yr-old self-serve media on any device. But at the same time, I agree that the OP is right that having a reasonable discussion of parenting choices is near-impossible these days (maybe that has always been true...), and I do my level best to not tell people how they should raise their own children.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#47

Post by libria »

citizenkeen wrote: post #7

'One of my favorite things you can do is plan a “device-free dinner.”' _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes. We have a landline expressly to give out to emergency contacts. And dinner is tech free. Every night. I think the main problem is tech has made everything _else_ easier, but parenting harder, and parents ju…

> _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes.

Why should all dinners be distraction[1] free? I understand dinner is a social event for many cultures/families, but not every person wants this nor am I convinced it must be this way. I'm efficient with my eating and when the family wants to socialize we play Catan or sit around the couch and talk. Besides that, when the dinner conversation reaches an impasse, Alexa has occasionally been helpful in resolving it.

It's fine if people enjoy socializing over dinner, but let's not arbitrarily assume it's morally superior. Nor should we mistakenly compare it to our own childhoods, when devices weren't as ubiquitous. We should question old habits/traditions especially when the environment has changed.

[1] I'm subbing in "distraction" for "device", my kids have brought non-powered distractions to the table before.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#48

Post by mulmen »

dionidium wrote: post #44
mulmen wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How can this be true? Technology is created exclusively by people. Our values are baked in. Filesystems have a concept of ownership, ask your dog what that means.

I think it's more accurate to say that technology reveals the edges and contours of our values.

That's a good way of stating it actually, something to think about.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#49

Post by jancsika »

careersuicide wrote: post #18
citizenkeen wrote: post #7

'One of my favorite things you can do is plan a “device-free dinner.”' _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes. We have a landline expressly to give out to emergency contacts. And dinner is tech free. Every night. I think the main problem is tech has made everything _else_ easier, but parenting harder, and parents ju…

I think this is the one thing about technology I'm old fashioned about (I roll my eyes hard when people say stuff like "You should delete your Facebook account, you'll be better off."). If I'm eating food with someone else the phone goes away. The only exception is if in the course of conversation an easily googleable question is asked and both the other person/people and I are actually interested in the answer inste…

So the question that I don't know the answer to: would those couples have engaged each other in meaningful conversation (meaningful to them) had cellphones not existed? Or does the presence of cellphones reveal that a large number of people were never particularly interested in engaging meaningfully with others but would only feign interest when the alibi of the cellphone isn't available?

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#50

Post by nsxwolf »

citizenkeen wrote: post #7

'One of my favorite things you can do is plan a “device-free dinner.”' _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes. We have a landline expressly to give out to emergency contacts. And dinner is tech free. Every night. I think the main problem is tech has made everything _else_ easier, but parenting harder, and parents ju…

I agree but some of these things sound like moral panics about black rectangles. I don't remember people shaking their heads at parents reading a paperback book at the park, or commuters reading broadsheet newspapers on the train.
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