Ask HN: What's your spectacular burnout story? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: What's your spectacular burnout story?

#71

Post by rikkus » Sat, Aug 19, 2017, 8:47 PM UTC

dlet wrote: post #53

I had just finished the writing exams after my two years of preparatory class (a specific program we have in France to join the best business and engineering schools). During the 2 weeks of exams, I was sleeping 3 hours a night on average. When I woke up one morning, everything seemed really blurred. I could not precisely get where I was in the room and, when I tried to talk to my parents, they seemed really far away…

> When I woke up one morning, everything seemed really blurred. I could not precisely get where I was in the room and, when I tried to talk to my parents, they seemed really far away. I was also deeply tired and just wanted to sleep.

Things seeming too far away is called Teleopsia.

I experience Alice In Wonderland Syndrome[1]. Last time I managed to get an audience with a neurologist - the top one in this hospital, because the others didn't have a clue what I was describing - he did the same to me: told me I must be taking lots of drugs. and that I was lying to him when I said I wasn't. Not useful.

Re: Ask HN: What's your spectacular burnout story?

#72

Post by atdt » Sat, Aug 19, 2017, 9:01 PM UTC

dnautics wrote: post #51

atdt wrote: post #7

I am in the midst of one. It has been about a year and a half, plus or minus, and it has taken a tremendous toll on my well-being. I find it especially difficult to deal with the mismatch between my sense of what I can do, which is calibrated to my former self, and what I can actually deliver. I desperately need to believe that what I am going through is a temporary perturbation, so I keep trying to "shake it off", a…

my sense of burnout (having been through it myself and watched closely about 10-12 people go through it) is that it's caused when there's a huge mismatch between an expected reward and a large amount of effort expended prior to the reward. What was the event that caused you to burn out in the first place? It looks like you expected at least social (if not material) recognition for some herculean effort that you went…

That's not how it happened in my case. I was promoted to a manager role that I wasn't suited for, and pretended I could just go on being an individual contributor while still handling the managerial role. I went from doing good work as a developer to mediocre work as a manager, and I started seeing personal failure in everything I touched.

I left the organization after that and moved across the country to take another job. That was the summer / spring of 2016. My five-year-old, who was otherwise healthy, started having tonic-clonic ("grand mal") seizures around that time. Neither my wife or I have a history of epilepsy in our families and neither of us had seen a grand mal seizure before, so we thought he was dying. My wife called 911 while I ran downstairs with him in my arms and I basically screamed until the ambulance arrived. He had another seizure about a month after that, and a month after that, and so on. The peak came in August 25 of 2016, when he had a series of seizures in rapid succession (status epilepticus), landing him (and us) in the ICU. I will spare you the details.

He is healthy now -- we were fortunate enough to find an anti-seizure drug that is effective at controlling his seizures. But his parents (i.e., us) haven't recovered entirely.

There are other factors that have caused turbulence over the past couple of years, but they pale in comparison. I've had a lot on my plate. I know other people who have dealt with / are dealing with worse, with greater poise than I can muster, but I am who I am.

I can't quit my job and drive for Lyft. I have a family to support.

Re: Ask HN: What's your spectacular burnout story?

#73

Post by kolleykibber » Sat, Aug 19, 2017, 9:05 PM UTC

codewritinfool wrote: post #16

This might not be a normal burnout story, so sorry ahead of time. I'm not mentioning any names of individuals or companies, so please don't ask. They are all well-known, though. I partnered with a proven businessman for a project that took more than 5 years and about 8 hours per day, every day (I was already working 8 hours per day at my daily job). The deal was 50/50. We had great early reviews from media but only a…

I can relate. I'm five years into a similar situation and trying daily to recover my attitude to risk. It's no surprise that I've discovered an interest in academia. What do you think it would take to get you to get excited on a side project again?

Re: Ask HN: What's your spectacular burnout story?

#74

Post by jacquesm » Sat, Aug 19, 2017, 9:05 PM UTC

Ran a start-up for 7 years, burned out because of the toxic business environment for a start-up and ended up on an island in Canada. The next couple of years I spent building an off-the-grid house, a solar array, a metal working workshop and a windmill. In retrospect I wasn't doing less to recover, just different stuff and stuff that I did not need to interact with the world of business for. Since 2007 back in 'cilvilization', completely rebooted my career in a different direction which feels much better.

Re: Ask HN: What's your spectacular burnout story?

#75

Post by pengo » Sat, Aug 19, 2017, 9:15 PM UTC

I have my own software development company. My clients use a purpose-built framework for managing funding applications and grants online. As a sole operator my workload varies: when I add a new client, customisations can keep me at full capacity for several weeks, at other times maintenance can total less than twenty hours a week unless there are requested enhancements or I'm adding new features.

Late last year while my business hours were at a low ebb, I was asked if I could pitch in for six months as lead developer on a government web portal. I'd taken a similar contract two years before when my own business was ramping up, and not found it too taxing to meet the needs of my own clients on evenings and weekends. I didn't factor in two things: I now had twice as many clients, and a cynical dynamic called "Murphy's Law".

Almost as soon as I signed the government contract, clients began requesting (different) extensions to the framework. Without the contract I would have been at full capacity. I found myself starting work for my own clients at 4.00am every morning, then heading off to lead the web portal development team, then putting in more hours for my own clients at the end of the day ... plus weekends. This state of affairs continued with very little respite for the entire six months.

Knowing normal life will resume at a fixed future point is often enough to get through something like this. But my health suffered increasingly as time passed. In the last few weeks I was very sick indeed. I was asked to renew the government contract for a further six months but had the sense to turn that offer down. Two days after the contract finished I had to be admitted to hospital. I was seriously ill, and it has taken two months to get back to the level of health I usually enjoy.

Yes, I was foolish to accept that contract. I have learnt a lesson I won't forget.

Re: Ask HN: What's your spectacular burnout story?

#76

Post by throwawway32018 » Sat, Aug 19, 2017, 9:17 PM UTC

After a decade of depression and trying to drown it with alcohol, weed, and the occasional psychedelic, something finally snapped. I'd tried therapy, AA, switching industries, none of it seemed to make anything better. Asked for a sabbatical from work but they wouldn't grant it, so I quit. Packed my things, moved in with the parents, and went cold turkey. I guess you could call it a self-inflicted rehab; they live in the middle of nowhere and not knowing anybody or having a car I couldn't really get myself in trouble.

The first few months were hell, but I read up on CBT, stoicism, meditation, habits and personal health and slowly, with a lot of work my mental state started to improve. There were a lot of weeks were it felt like I was regressing but I kept practicing healthy self-talk and eventually got through the rough spots. Being out of work, I worked on side projects to keep my skills sharp and learn new things whenever I was feeling good enough.

It's been a year now, and I've never been happier. After maybe 9 months I was feeling strong enough to "re-enter society," so I started applying for jobs. Nothing's materialized yet but I'm confident I'll get back on own feet sooner or later. Regardless of the current job-hunt stress, I think it was unequivocally worth it to straighten out.

The books that helped me most:

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/46674.Feeling_Good

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/7015403-the-gifts-of-imp...

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13721709-the-antidote

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/865.The_Alchemist

Re: Ask HN: What's your spectacular burnout story?

#77

Post by kespindler » Sat, Aug 19, 2017, 9:42 PM UTC

pengo wrote: post #75

I have my own software development company. My clients use a purpose-built framework for managing funding applications and grants online. As a sole operator my workload varies: when I add a new client, customisations can keep me at full capacity for several weeks, at other times maintenance can total less than twenty hours a week unless there are requested enhancements or I'm adding new features. Late last year while…

Could I get your contact information to chat with you more about government contracting? It's a space I'm doing a lot of research in, and very curious to learn more about!

Re: Ask HN: What's your spectacular burnout story?

#78

Post by mindwork » Sat, Aug 19, 2017, 9:47 PM UTC

Started startup with extremely high expectations of me and bad partner. Had 9-5 work as software engineer I threw myself on the startup working after hours till exhaust. I decided to do something to relax - started crossfit. Once I just collapsed on the street and after that I had extremely bad panic attacks and near death feels. Didn't know that it was panic attacks and clinical depression at the moment, thought maybe some internal organ damage. Took me 3 separate 1-month admissions to hospital and 3.5 years of taking anti-depressants to recover. It did change my outlook on life, first of all I shifted my priorities to health first and work - second, I'm trying to stay out of the stress and taking care of my body(running, gym, meditation, yoga) everything that helps. Ever since then I don't things too serious, and I don't wanna ever work till exhaust. I know it's sounds cheesy but listen to your body and be healthy. Also it takes a lot to admit that you are in depression, and seek medical attention to that. If you wake up every morning and the only thing that you want is to go to sleep because you can't embrace new day - you are in depression. If your personality changed out of the sudden - you are in depression. If you don't have any thoughts in your head only feeling of worries - you are in depression.

Re: Ask HN: What's your spectacular burnout story?

#79

Post by simbyotic » Sat, Aug 19, 2017, 9:58 PM UTC

throwaway378037 wrote: post #69

It's happening right now, for me. Burnout feels like having no purchase on life, nothing making sense, no creativity, no joy, just fleeting comforts amid growing and deepening discomfort. The way I see it, this kind of tiredness can't be met by a good night's sleep. It's a tiredness of the soul. Sadly, what I have found is that to cope with the tiredness, boredom, stress and loneliness of my 'successful' life, I have…

This should be obvious but you need professional help ASAP. Take care of yourself.

Re: Ask HN: What's your spectacular burnout story?

#80

Post by madengr » Sat, Aug 19, 2017, 10:00 PM UTC

adamzerner wrote: post #61

sndean wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It was only the fact that they were holding the degree hostage that caused me to feel forced to overwork myself into an unhealthy state. Though I didn't have as extreme of a situation, I did have to do another year before I could get the PhD. I gained 50+ pounds, stopped shaving, became nocturnal, and averaged ~5 hours/day of sleep. Really don't understand how my SO stayed with me through that. And I only took ~4.5…

> While I don't necessarily recommend going through that, I do think everyone should experience what it's like to work 80+ hour weeks (at least for a short period of time), because it's difficult to convey how awful it is. Interesting idea. Seems similar to what stoicism recommends, from what I understand. I think they say to give up your comforts once in a while so that you appreciate them more. Which seems sensible…

Ugh, 80 hour weeks. The hourly staff at our facility went on strike for several weeks. Engineering had to do their normal work, and cover production. Not doing that again.