Ask HN: Potentially Moving to SF / SV with a Family

I could use some advice. A few weeks ago, I did the Triplebyte quiz on a whim, later did their interview, and now I'm talking to companies in Silicon Valley / San Francisco about potentially interviewing with them. If you're unfamiliar with Triplebyte, they do their own candidate vetting, with the promise that if you pass their process, you can go directly to a final interview at their client companies (typically early- to mid-stage startups, many YC graduates) who are located almost entirely in California or NYC. (Triplebyte has been great, by the way, and I highly advise trying them out if you're looking for a new position.[1])

I currently live in Ohio with my wife and infant daughter. She has a fairly low income job (non-profit), and if we moved to California, she would be a stay-at-home mom. We own a three bedroom house here. I make roughly $85K as a full stack developer for a startup here for whom I've worked for a few years.

I'm going to be at the point soon where I need to pick the companies with whom I'll interview. The expenses of living in a SF / SV suburb are scaring me. Renting seems in the $3K+ range for a two bedroom (which would be the minimum since we have a daughter... may try for another child later). By comparison, my mortgage is ~$850 / mo.

We're relatively frugal and ideally want to get to a point where we can be financially independent, so savings rate is important. We would also want to find a decent school district for when my daughter starts school. Also, we would be moving away from my wife's family, which would require her to fly up fairly frequently so our daughter could see her grandparents.

Basically I'm trying to figure out if I'm crazy for even considering this, and if there is a way to make it work. Triplebyte has said I'm probably mid- to senior-level and could expect around $130k - $150k.

What are your thoughts?

1. Triplebyte referral link: https://triplebyte.com/iv/afyYdFu/cp ($1500 for both if you get a job through them.)

I'd suggest looking for full stack remote jobs where you'll make $100k-130k/year while remaining in Ohio (if thats where you want to live). Leaving a support system/family behind if you have a child (and considering another child) is not trivial.

Work remote, live better, visit SF once or twice a year for conferences to network and mingle.

Also, you should look into Cost of Living calculators. They will take into account your new salary, cost of living (rent, food, gas, etc.) compared to your current salary. http://www.bestplaces.net/cost-of-living/

Smaller living space and more traffic are two downsides to the Bay Area. The weather is probably nicer, though, so any outdoor living space can be more utilized.

Personally, I have allergies. That would also be a consideration when moving. Can you take a few weeks trip out with everyone to see if there are any problems (or if existing problems go away)?

In addition to the increase in money not being enough to buy you an equivalent quality of life you will be living in a completely different culture. This will wear on not only you but your wife. You really don't want to be turning your life upside down and ditching your connections/support network at this point in your life.

SV, NYC, and similar are places where you go to make money. They are not places you go to settle down.