Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

How to Stop Apologizing for My Stutter, and Other Important Lessons

longreads.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

31–40 of 60 posts

Re: How to Stop Apologizing for My Stutter, and Other Important Lessons

#31

Post by floatrock »

wahern wrote: post #27
forthelove wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I should note that I've had to give many, many, many presentations in many different business environments (in front of my companies, pitching investors, new biz pitches, etc.) and I learned a long time ago that confidence is crucial. Almost every time I practiced the best man speech I stuttered quite often, and almost on the same words every time. But come game time, it almost always goes smoothly. Always found that…

I've always wondered if a little alcohol would help here. But I'm so habituated to avoiding these situations I haven't had the opportunity to experiment. When I am forced to speak to a room full of people it's usually spur of the moment. If I know exactly what I'm talking about, I tend to talk too fast. When I'm unsure of myself or how to phrase things, my stuttering is almost completely debilitating even when I'm co…

Alcohol makes it worse.

I've stuttered all my life and still do, far less noticeably now. I've largely overcome it through mental will and practice. Speech therapy teaches you a bunch of tricks and techniques, practice and repetition eventually makes them second-nature. For me, it mostly came to becoming aware what your body is doing during a block -- you're always aware you're having a block, it's harder to notice the tension in specific muscles. Once you learn to recognize it, you can back off for a sec, let the tension dissipate, then approach it again. It's a terribly slow impatient process at first, but just like any skill, you practice it and you get better at it. Eventually you float in and out of Flow state.

It's definitely changed me... like any skill you practice, it makes you far more disciplined. I feel I'm more patient. I do have scars, and it does sometimes come back, but if I was able to largely overcome that through mental effort and determination, a lot of other things feel far less daunting. Builds a sense of resiliency and gumption.

But back to alcohol, it's not just your physical skills that get sloppy, it's your mental skills too. I'll go out for a social drink, but sloppy drunk is reserved only for kareoke. The it-doesn't-happen-while-singing bit is true.

Re: How to Stop Apologizing for My Stutter, and Other Important Lessons

#32

Post by rhapsodic »

40acres wrote: post #30

I had a stutter growing up, it was terrible. Whenever I got noticed I just froze up, I particularly remember one English teacher who knew I was bad at public speaking yet repeatedly calling on me during class to read sections (more than other kids). I was terrified of going to high school with a stutter, I knew how cruel kids could be, but out of nowhere my stutter disappeared. I never really looked at to what phenom…

> I had a stutter growing up, it was terrible. Whenever I got noticed I just froze up, I particularly remember one English teacher who knew I was bad at public speaking yet repeatedly calling on me during class to read sections (more than other kids).

It sounds like the English teacher had a sadistic streak.

Re: How to Stop Apologizing for My Stutter, and Other Important Lessons

#33

Post by vigliag »

forthelove wrote: post #12
nodesocket wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Can you share some techniques? I've found the opposite.. Come game time on the phone especially, it is difficult. I stutter frequently and block for long extended periods.

For one, breathe. Before, during, after. Breathe. Settle yourself (I meditate daily as well). Personally, I think I get caught up when I try to read word for word scripts, so I always give myself a general blueprint of what I want to say but allow myself room for improv. I also tend to do my practice speeches way faster than the real ones, which I also think is the opposite of what most people experience. I pause a l…

Hi! Fellow stutterer here :) Since university, my stutter got a lot better, especially when explaining things, or when talking with friends, but I still struggle a lot at counters or in interviews. I've been seeing a psychologist lately (speech therapy didn't help) and he adviced me to practice daily reading aloud and meditating, the goal being letting the brain do the talking without thinking about it or intervening/struggling . Do you follow any similar daily routine? Any exercises to advice?

Re: How to Stop Apologizing for My Stutter, and Other Important Lessons

#34

Post by dionian »

wahern wrote: post #27
forthelove wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I should note that I've had to give many, many, many presentations in many different business environments (in front of my companies, pitching investors, new biz pitches, etc.) and I learned a long time ago that confidence is crucial. Almost every time I practiced the best man speech I stuttered quite often, and almost on the same words every time. But come game time, it almost always goes smoothly. Always found that…

I've always wondered if a little alcohol would help here. But I'm so habituated to avoiding these situations I haven't had the opportunity to experiment. When I am forced to speak to a room full of people it's usually spur of the moment. If I know exactly what I'm talking about, I tend to talk too fast. When I'm unsure of myself or how to phrase things, my stuttering is almost completely debilitating even when I'm co…

you should try l-theanine and see if that works at all, should give you the calmness of having drank a lot of green tea - without any of the caffeine of green tea and without the toxicity of alcohol

https://examine.com/supplements/theanine/

Re: How to Stop Apologizing for My Stutter, and Other Important Lessons

#35

Post by 40acres »

rhapsodic wrote: post #32
40acres wrote: post #30

I had a stutter growing up, it was terrible. Whenever I got noticed I just froze up, I particularly remember one English teacher who knew I was bad at public speaking yet repeatedly calling on me during class to read sections (more than other kids). I was terrified of going to high school with a stutter, I knew how cruel kids could be, but out of nowhere my stutter disappeared. I never really looked at to what phenom…

> I had a stutter growing up, it was terrible. Whenever I got noticed I just froze up, I particularly remember one English teacher who knew I was bad at public speaking yet repeatedly calling on me during class to read sections (more than other kids). It sounds like the English teacher had a sadistic streak.

She was definitely a mean one.I always felt she was picking on me.

Re: How to Stop Apologizing for My Stutter, and Other Important Lessons

#36

Post by hgl »

I'm a stutter too. My condition is a bit special I think. When I'm alone, I don't stutter at all if I think out loud or just read something on the screen, every scary word turns into a piece of cake. But as soon as I realize someone can hear me (even if it's remote like video chat), I start to stutter, pretty badly. I wonder if other people are in the same camp.

I didn't stutter when I was kid until I played with a neighbor kid who did, and it frightened me that I might stutter like him whenever I need to talk. As time progresses, the frightening reinforced, and I never grew out of it. I wonder if it qualifies as classical conditioning?

I also speak other languages, and the severity is different in different languages.

Re: How to Stop Apologizing for My Stutter, and Other Important Lessons

#37

Post by smogcutter »

40acres wrote: post #35
rhapsodic wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I had a stutter growing up, it was terrible. Whenever I got noticed I just froze up, I particularly remember one English teacher who knew I was bad at public speaking yet repeatedly calling on me during class to read sections (more than other kids). It sounds like the English teacher had a sadistic streak.

She was definitely a mean one.I always felt she was picking on me.

Could also see it as a misguided attempt to help, like teaching someone to swim by throwing them in the pool. Obviously I don't know your teacher, if you say she was a mean one she was a mean one, but that's the charitable interpretation.

I'm interested in what you (and other current/former stutterers) think the right strategy in the classroom would be. On the one hand you don't want to push a student into daily humiliations, it's cruel. On the other hand, life will continue to require public speaking, and allowing a student to hide from that is maybe doing them a disservice in the long run. What approaches from teachers did/didn't work for you?

Re: How to Stop Apologizing for My Stutter, and Other Important Lessons

#38

Post by phugoid »

nodesocket wrote: post #11
forthelove wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I should note that I've had to give many, many, many presentations in many different business environments (in front of my companies, pitching investors, new biz pitches, etc.) and I learned a long time ago that confidence is crucial. Almost every time I practiced the best man speech I stuttered quite often, and almost on the same words every time. But come game time, it almost always goes smoothly. Always found that…

Can you share some techniques? I've found the opposite.. Come game time on the phone especially, it is difficult. I stutter frequently and block for long extended periods.

Try making a few calls before the important one to break the ice a bit. Another trick is to start the conversation in an unconventional way, so you don't have time to predict what you're going to say (and anticipate the blocking).

What really worked for me was to force myself to _never_ replace words and to accept that I will stutter at times.

I also have a silly trick for overcoming a prolongation. When I'm stuck, I voice the first sound of the word, then take a short silent rest, and continue with the rest of the word. For instance, "f...ailure". Knowing that I can plough through any prolongation and still be understood has reduced them tremendously and lowered my anxiety. I'm not saying this trick will work for everyone, and I haven't seen it in any of the books.

Unlike the author, I think there's nothing wrong with apologizing for a stutter. That's a useful tactic because it brings the issue out in the open, instead of putting all that effort into hiding it. I'll apologize in advance, just to lower my stress level.

Edit: Renamed block to prolongation.

Re: How to Stop Apologizing for My Stutter, and Other Important Lessons

#39

Post by shanev »

hgl wrote: post #36

I'm a stutter too. My condition is a bit special I think. When I'm alone, I don't stutter at all if I think out loud or just read something on the screen, every scary word turns into a piece of cake. But as soon as I realize someone can hear me (even if it's remote like video chat), I start to stutter, pretty badly. I wonder if other people are in the same camp. I didn't stutter when I was kid until I played with a n…

Your condition isn't special. Everyone who stutters doesn't when they are alone. Neurologically, it's a defect in processing external feedback to what we are saying. If no one is listening, there is no feedback.

Re: How to Stop Apologizing for My Stutter, and Other Important Lessons

#40

Post by shanev »

vigliag wrote: post #33
forthelove wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

For one, breathe. Before, during, after. Breathe. Settle yourself (I meditate daily as well). Personally, I think I get caught up when I try to read word for word scripts, so I always give myself a general blueprint of what I want to say but allow myself room for improv. I also tend to do my practice speeches way faster than the real ones, which I also think is the opposite of what most people experience. I pause a l…

Hi! Fellow stutterer here :) Since university, my stutter got a lot better, especially when explaining things, or when talking with friends, but I still struggle a lot at counters or in interviews. I've been seeing a psychologist lately (speech therapy didn't help) and he adviced me to practice daily reading aloud and meditating, the goal being letting the brain do the talking without thinking about it or intervening…

I make it a point to talk to a stranger at least once a day. The person in line in front of me, the barista, store clerk, whomever. It has helped me tremendously. Meditation is also great.
Post reply on HN