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How to Stop Apologizing for My Stutter, and Other Important Lessons

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Re: How to Stop Apologizing for My Stutter, and Other Important Lessons

#11

Post by nodesocket »

forthelove wrote: post #10
forthelove wrote: post #9

Stutterer here. Was in speech therapy for a long time as a child; my sister actually became a speech therapist b/c of that experience. It will always be a challenge (I'm 37 now), and it seems to rear its ugly head at random times not necessarily tied to stress. Two nights ago I made my first ever best man speech in front of about 150+ people and I maybe stammered once during the 5 or so minutes. Felt amazing and I ha…

I should note that I've had to give many, many, many presentations in many different business environments (in front of my companies, pitching investors, new biz pitches, etc.) and I learned a long time ago that confidence is crucial. Almost every time I practiced the best man speech I stuttered quite often, and almost on the same words every time. But come game time, it almost always goes smoothly. Always found that…

Can you share some techniques? I've found the opposite.. Come game time on the phone especially, it is difficult. I stutter frequently and block for long extended periods.

Re: How to Stop Apologizing for My Stutter, and Other Important Lessons

#12

Post by forthelove »

nodesocket wrote: post #11
forthelove wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I should note that I've had to give many, many, many presentations in many different business environments (in front of my companies, pitching investors, new biz pitches, etc.) and I learned a long time ago that confidence is crucial. Almost every time I practiced the best man speech I stuttered quite often, and almost on the same words every time. But come game time, it almost always goes smoothly. Always found that…

Can you share some techniques? I've found the opposite.. Come game time on the phone especially, it is difficult. I stutter frequently and block for long extended periods.

For one, breathe. Before, during, after. Breathe. Settle yourself (I meditate daily as well). Personally, I think I get caught up when I try to read word for word scripts, so I always give myself a general blueprint of what I want to say but allow myself room for improv. I also tend to do my practice speeches way faster than the real ones, which I also think is the opposite of what most people experience. I pause a lot (and, again, breathe) during speeches, let things sink in for both the audience and myself. That's about it. Oh, I try to get everyone laughing early on. It settles the nerves in almost any situation.

Re: How to Stop Apologizing for My Stutter, and Other Important Lessons

#13

Post by southphillyman »

"They are rooted in childhood—which is the only time stuttering can be reversed. Once you’re an adult, there are only ways of hiding"

Don't think this is true. Bill Walton and Bill Withers both were in their 30s before they stopped stuttering I believe.

Re: How to Stop Apologizing for My Stutter, and Other Important Lessons

#14

Post by TinyBig »

southphillyman wrote: post #8
nodesocket wrote: post #2

I also have a stutter, and I've blogged about being a single founder with it ( https://justink.svbtle.com/being-a-founder-with-a-speech-imp... ). I've had a speech impediment since I was a kid. I was told I would grow out of it. Still waiting for that to happen. :-) I've noticed my stuttering has seasons/cycles of worse times, which seem to be tied to stress or anxiety over important calls or meetings. My stuttering…

Did you stutter during interviews? If so has it had any impact on whether or not you could obtain employment? The singing thing is interesting, off the top of my head I can think of a few rappers who stutter but can clearly speak their lyrics in their songs. Maybe it's less about the dynamics of singing and more about focus shifting to a low anxiety activity?

Stutterer here. Answer to both questions in my case: Yes and yes. I had potential employers just hang up the phone rather than wait for me to complete a sentence. I was completely unable to find a job (any job) when I fished undergrad with a 3.7 GPA in mechanical engineering. It was pretty scary at the time; I was convinced I was going to starve.

Re: How to Stop Apologizing for My Stutter, and Other Important Lessons

#15

Post by mcone »

I'm also a stutterer. I wish I could share with you the overwhelming shame, humiliation, and ostracism I experienced as a child in my classroom environments. As a result I feel tremendous compassion for others with physical and mental limitations. Speech therapy really helped me help myself, but I still sometimes stutter.

Re: How to Stop Apologizing for My Stutter, and Other Important Lessons

#16

Post by [deleted] »

forthelove wrote: post #10
forthelove wrote: post #9

Stutterer here. Was in speech therapy for a long time as a child; my sister actually became a speech therapist b/c of that experience. It will always be a challenge (I'm 37 now), and it seems to rear its ugly head at random times not necessarily tied to stress. Two nights ago I made my first ever best man speech in front of about 150+ people and I maybe stammered once during the 5 or so minutes. Felt amazing and I ha…

I should note that I've had to give many, many, many presentations in many different business environments (in front of my companies, pitching investors, new biz pitches, etc.) and I learned a long time ago that confidence is crucial. Almost every time I practiced the best man speech I stuttered quite often, and almost on the same words every time. But come game time, it almost always goes smoothly. Always found that…

[deleted]

Re: How to Stop Apologizing for My Stutter, and Other Important Lessons

#17

Post by msla »

forthelove wrote: post #9

Stutterer here. Was in speech therapy for a long time as a child; my sister actually became a speech therapist b/c of that experience. It will always be a challenge (I'm 37 now), and it seems to rear its ugly head at random times not necessarily tied to stress. Two nights ago I made my first ever best man speech in front of about 150+ people and I maybe stammered once during the 5 or so minutes. Felt amazing and I ha…

I'm also a stutterer and the last sentence rings true.

I am a lot better now than I was as a child, but I used to be a master at the art of avoidance and replacement. If I felt I was going to stutter on a given word, I'd replace it with something I felt more confident with. I was constantly evading a ruthless, arbitrary censor, and I'm certain it gave me a greater facility with synonyms, rephrasing, and general linguistic flexibility. I have a natural talent there, but the stutter and my work-arounds made me hone it to a level most people never have to.

Re: How to Stop Apologizing for My Stutter, and Other Important Lessons

#18

Post by nodesocket »

TinyBig wrote: post #14
southphillyman wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Did you stutter during interviews? If so has it had any impact on whether or not you could obtain employment? The singing thing is interesting, off the top of my head I can think of a few rappers who stutter but can clearly speak their lyrics in their songs. Maybe it's less about the dynamics of singing and more about focus shifting to a low anxiety activity?

Stutterer here. Answer to both questions in my case: Yes and yes. I had potential employers just hang up the phone rather than wait for me to complete a sentence. I was completely unable to find a job (any job) when I fished undergrad with a 3.7 GPA in mechanical engineering. It was pretty scary at the time; I was convinced I was going to starve.

I know this anxiety and disappointment. Knowing the answers, having the information for potential investors or clients, and completely bombing. It is frustrating indeed. I usually let people (investors, clients, etc) know upfront that I have a stutter, definitely seems to help. I can't believe somebody would just hang up on you though.

Re: How to Stop Apologizing for My Stutter, and Other Important Lessons

#19

Post by wrinkl3 »

southphillyman wrote: post #13

"They are rooted in childhood—which is the only time stuttering can be reversed. Once you’re an adult, there are only ways of hiding" Don't think this is true. Bill Walton and Bill Withers both were in their 30s before they stopped stuttering I believe.

The problem with stuttering is that the condition is so broad and the cases are so diverse that any generalization of that kind is bound to be incorrect. So of course there'll be cases of stutters who managed to achieve complete fluency in adulthood, as well as people who only began to stutter as adults.

Re: How to Stop Apologizing for My Stutter, and Other Important Lessons

#20

Post by shanev »

nodesocket wrote: post #2

I also have a stutter, and I've blogged about being a single founder with it ( https://justink.svbtle.com/being-a-founder-with-a-speech-imp... ). I've had a speech impediment since I was a kid. I was told I would grow out of it. Still waiting for that to happen. :-) I've noticed my stuttering has seasons/cycles of worse times, which seem to be tied to stress or anxiety over important calls or meetings. My stuttering…

I'm also waiting to grow out of mine :) For me it's worst when talking about something I'm passionate about to a party that may have an opposing view.

The thing that has worked best for me is acceptance. It gets worse when I try to hide it. When I start a conversation I even fake stutter a bit, so periods of real disfluency don't seem as bad in comparison. When I do have a particularly bad moment of disfluency, I just tell the other person that I have a speech impediment, in a humorous way if possible. Being open about it makes things better for both parties. Then you can focus on the content of what you're saying, with less anxiety about the delivery.

For those really bad days, you can use AirPods with a DAF app, though I've yet to try it myself since it goes against the acceptance approach.

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