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Study: Loneliness, Social Isolation Greater Health Problem in US Than Obesity

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Re: Study: Loneliness, Social Isolation Greater Health Problem in US Than Obesity

#31

Post by jesseendahl »

goshx wrote: post #16
vinceguidry wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> the way we are currently in todays society makes it extremely difficult you'll have an authentic connection with anyone or even be that authentic connection for someone else. No. It does not. It was just as hard 30 years ago as it is now. As it was 300 years ago. 3000 even. People still congregate in places where it's easy to meet them. They still do it today, they did it all throughout history. People don't want t…

> Even if it’s just at the grocery store. Even if it’s just with the homeless guy down the road. I think you are missing the point. Loneliness is not solved by simply being around people. I’ve been living in the US for 5 years now and the amount of people I can call friends here is very small, despite all the attempts at grocery stores, bars, meetups and even homeless folks. Society doesn’t seem to be open to take in…

@icantdrive55 - Many of your comments (including the one on this thread) are "dead" (hidden) for some reason. I'm not sure why that's the case, and since I didn't see anything wrong with your comments, I figured you should know.

Re: Study: Loneliness, Social Isolation Greater Health Problem in US Than Obesity

#32

Post by pmoriarty »

idle_processor wrote: post #26
pmoriarty wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's one thing to hang out with friends at a coffee shop and beat yourself up over life not turning out the way you wanted it to. It's quite another thing not to have any friends. Most of the people in the coffee shops around here have their noses buried in their laptops or books, and when they talk to people they mostly talk to friends who they went to the coffee shop with. Very few people are actually meeting new p…

Mind linking to some of the compelling evidence against CBT?

http://www.psychotherapy.net/interview/bruce-wampold-psychot...

Re: Study: Loneliness, Social Isolation Greater Health Problem in US Than Obesity

#34

Post by arstin »

tapp wrote: post #19
vinceguidry wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> the way we are currently in todays society makes it extremely difficult you'll have an authentic connection with anyone or even be that authentic connection for someone else. No. It does not. It was just as hard 30 years ago as it is now. As it was 300 years ago. 3000 even. People still congregate in places where it's easy to meet them. They still do it today, they did it all throughout history. People don't want t…

> It was just as hard 30 years ago as it is now. As it was 300 years ago. 3000 even. I understand what you're saying, but I also think it's important to acknowledge that dynamics have changed - and we don't need to go back 30 years to see it. As recently as 5 or 6 years ago, I would quite often strike up conversations with strangers at the bus stop or on the train or at the post office. Usually these conversations wo…

Good points, especially how unplanned interactions have become interruptions. Slumping through life looped into a slab of infinity glass used to be an absurd dystopia...

Sure, most interactions never develop into anything lasting, but you only need one to click every few years...or even a lifetime!

Excuse a slight tangent, since it was on my mind today: I'm sure I'll be defensively sniped at as an "extrovert" here (lol), but I do think we have a duty to each other to be outgoing, warm, forbearing...to make every effort that others feel at ease. Techies will sometimes make icky demands like that a social interaction must be "useful". Yes, looking random people in the eye and talking to them...even when they're not giving you anything...is tough. I know well that it can be among the hardest and most draining things. But I, anyway, believe we're obliged to learn to do so well and to suffer through it.

Resolving to take on this incredibly modest, day-to-day responsibility of making others feel acknowledged and at ease---of trying to bring out the best in everyone---should surely be one key step in addressing your own loneliness.

Obviously part of this skill is respecting the extent to which others want left alone. And I, for one, prefer to spend most of my own time far away from people. Please don't snarl at me for not understanding "introverts"! :) But the point is of course tied with how tech can affect what people in fact expect and want and how tech can adjust the "cost" of an interaction (smartphones, public spaces optimized for laptops inside and cars outside...and on...and on...).

Re: Study: Loneliness, Social Isolation Greater Health Problem in US Than Obesity

#36

Post by InternetUser »

dade_ wrote: post #14
vinceguidry wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> the way we are currently in todays society makes it extremely difficult you'll have an authentic connection with anyone or even be that authentic connection for someone else. No. It does not. It was just as hard 30 years ago as it is now. As it was 300 years ago. 3000 even. People still congregate in places where it's easy to meet them. They still do it today, they did it all throughout history. People don't want t…

I think what has changed is that it is now far easier to live alone. The apps, appliances, late hours at stores, restaurants & grocery stores catering to single people and for many, an income that affords them a living arrangement without a roommate. Essentially more people than ever don't need to deal with people for the necessities. People are annoying, they get sick, cancel plans, ask for favours, make stupid deci…

If I may ask, what's your age and your marital status?

Re: Study: Loneliness, Social Isolation Greater Health Problem in US Than Obesity

#37

Post by dragonsky67 »

tapp wrote: post #19
vinceguidry wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> the way we are currently in todays society makes it extremely difficult you'll have an authentic connection with anyone or even be that authentic connection for someone else. No. It does not. It was just as hard 30 years ago as it is now. As it was 300 years ago. 3000 even. People still congregate in places where it's easy to meet them. They still do it today, they did it all throughout history. People don't want t…

> It was just as hard 30 years ago as it is now. As it was 300 years ago. 3000 even. I understand what you're saying, but I also think it's important to acknowledge that dynamics have changed - and we don't need to go back 30 years to see it. As recently as 5 or 6 years ago, I would quite often strike up conversations with strangers at the bus stop or on the train or at the post office. Usually these conversations wo…

I'm not sure that your observation of peoples behaviour is accurate.

Just a bit of background. I'm an introvert, I'm happy in my own space. Too much noise or too many people make me very uncomfortable. Birthdays, for example would have to be up there as one of the worst events of the year only topped by Christmas Parties. So you see, I'm not one for talking to random strangers. Don't get me wrong, I'm actually a fairly contented person with a small family group of about 6 people I happily interact with on a regular basis.

I travel to work via bus and it is a rare day when I don't get approached by somebody at the bus stop or on the bus who is looking to chat. I'll go through the polite hi how are you type of thing before getting back to my book or whatever I was filling the time with. My point is, that most of the people on the bus seem to be conducting some degree of social interaction with semi random strangers and if I were a different person I guess I'd be right along with them. Even with my attitude I still enjoy the fact that on our bus there is a small thriving community where people share the time of day.

Yes, there are a lot more phones being used than 10 years ago, but people still seem to be chatting, the phones are just there as an adjunct rather than as a barrier to communication.

Re: Study: Loneliness, Social Isolation Greater Health Problem in US Than Obesity

#38

Post by InternetUser »

tapp wrote: post #19
vinceguidry wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> the way we are currently in todays society makes it extremely difficult you'll have an authentic connection with anyone or even be that authentic connection for someone else. No. It does not. It was just as hard 30 years ago as it is now. As it was 300 years ago. 3000 even. People still congregate in places where it's easy to meet them. They still do it today, they did it all throughout history. People don't want t…

> It was just as hard 30 years ago as it is now. As it was 300 years ago. 3000 even. I understand what you're saying, but I also think it's important to acknowledge that dynamics have changed - and we don't need to go back 30 years to see it. As recently as 5 or 6 years ago, I would quite often strike up conversations with strangers at the bus stop or on the train or at the post office. Usually these conversations wo…

> Now, the awkward silence never occurs in the first place. It's been entirely replaced by everyone scrolling the feeds on their phones. To start a conversation, you have to proactively interrupt what the person is doing and ask for their attention.

That is exactly right. No one can be bothered to exert the effort to carry on a relationship--not when their handheld Internet has an ocean of stuff that's easily more entertaining and less judgmental or potentially problematic, whether that content is memes, videos, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter posts, or incoming text messages, which now look more like rebuses, with the emojis. I saw a very representative meme that said "In the early 2000s, it was 'Why would I text message someone when I can just call them" and now it's 'Why would I call someone when I can just text message them?'" The asynchronous nature of those communications, and how the contact is divided across multiple services, whether text message, WhatsApp, Kik, Instagram, or whichever, makes it that the user gets used to having low expectations for the reliability of their dozens or hundreds of online "friends," and of course Facebook redefined that very word.

See this statistic from a recent article in The Atlantic published just the other day:

> The number of teens who get together with their friends nearly every day dropped by more than 40 percent from 2000 to 2015; the decline has been especially steep recently. It’s not only a matter of fewer kids partying; fewer kids are spending time simply hanging out.

"Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation? - More comfortable online than out partying, post-Millennials are safer, physically, than adolescents have ever been. But they’re on the brink of a mental-health crisis."

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/09/has-the...

And the New York Post had an article saying that those in the next oldest generation (Generation, or I suppose "pre-Millennials") should try to address those problems, as though people in their 30s and 40s aren't glued to their phone screens as well:

> Generation X needs to save America from millennials

http://nypost.com/2017/08/05/generation-x-needs-to-save-amer...

Wikipedia: Generation Z and their use of technology and social media:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generation_Z#Technology_and_so...

Re: Study: Loneliness, Social Isolation Greater Health Problem in US Than Obesity

#39

Post by microcolonel »

I feel like this also plays into, and off of, political division. I have had a great number of people who would have been friends, or at least acquaintances, ex me completely for one moment of political disagreement. I also figure the more isolated you become from direct human contact, the more the increasingly-tailored information you see confirms your own dumb ideas. These dumb ideas then become your deepest-held convictions, and you ex the people around you because of just how disturbing the disagreement seems.

In addition, finding people to date and have romantic relationships is pretty weird these days. On the one hand, there are dating apps, which seem like they would give you a lot of opportunity to meet new people, but mostly just give you enough information about people to swipe left. If you're a guy, also can no longer court the single women at your employer (even from other departments) without potentially imperiling your entire livelihood.

Most of the guys I talk to from a generation or two before me say they met their lifelong friends through a friend or through somebody they were dating, often through people they no longer talk to.

It seems like there are a lot of factors, mundane and complex, that could contribute to isolation these days, especially if you're a 7 or below.

Re: Study: Loneliness, Social Isolation Greater Health Problem in US Than Obesity

#40

Post by FLUX-YOU »

vinceguidry wrote: post #6
chank wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's just like saying the problem isn't me, it's you. Society plays a huge role in people feeling lonely. I'm not saying it's the job of society to make someone feel accepted and have authentic connections, but the way we are currently in todays society makes it extremely difficult you'll have an authentic connection with anyone or even be that authentic connection for someone else.

> the way we are currently in todays society makes it extremely difficult you'll have an authentic connection with anyone or even be that authentic connection for someone else. No. It does not. It was just as hard 30 years ago as it is now. As it was 300 years ago. 3000 even. People still congregate in places where it's easy to meet them. They still do it today, they did it all throughout history. People don't want t…

>That's the hard lesson I had to learn.

I learned a harder lesson: some people don't need to reach out. They are naturally attractive. Some of it can be helped, but not all of it. If people aren't approaching you, you're not likely in that category and connections will be more difficult for you. Do you try to change yourself, your environment, or something else?

Knowing that it's a harder road puts off some people from taking that road. It's a classic trade off of playing to your strengths vs. covering your weaknesses.

For example, hitting on girls at the gym goes down differently depending on how you look. Same for approaching people in public for casual conversation. Some people say you shouldn't hit on people at the gym at all. Do I risk offending someone at the gym or try to make a connection?

When people report about bad experiences with casual connections in any place, do you let that change your behavior or not?

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