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Ask YC: do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?

news.ycombinator.com

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Re: Ask YC: do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?

#61

Post by xlnt »

yters wrote: post #59
xlnt wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We know that romantic relationships frequently hurt people. This leaves some pro-romance positions available such as: - it only hurts foolish people; there are known solutions to all those problems - it's worth the risk of being hurt - there is a type of relationship that is different than conventional romance in a way that prevents being hurt, but is still romantic So, anyone want to debate, or just stick to downvot…

It's a relevant and significant question. The west's views on romance are not the norm. For example, the Greeks considered the best relationships to be between men, since men were thought to be the most rational. This is similar in Islamic cultures too. While I don't have a specific cite I can show you to back up the claims about the Greeks, it is pretty evident if you've read Plato and Aristotle. As for Muslims, thi…

It's an L. XLNT. Abbreviation of excellent.

I don't mind the voting. It's useful information to find out that I hit a nerve.

Re: Ask YC: do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?

#62

Post by euccastro »

xlnt wrote: post #55
euccastro wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's irrelevant. Even if that was 100%, it would be worth the 'risk'. Not ever living romance is sadder than certainty of pain.

What's so great about it?

If you don't know, you have to keep trying.

If I had to convince you, I'd say that:

For many millions of years, selecting mates and being selected was much of what being animal/human was all about.

Right now, with the increasing sophistication of our brains, individual and collective, the game has diversified a lot. You can satisfy/sublimate your social and sexual instincts in other ways.

But all this is relatively recent, and our genetically conditioned pulsions haven't yet evolved to match the new conditions.

So the old thing still feels pretty damn good!

Re: Ask YC: do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?

#63

Post by yters »

xlnt wrote: post #61
yters wrote: post #59

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's a relevant and significant question. The west's views on romance are not the norm. For example, the Greeks considered the best relationships to be between men, since men were thought to be the most rational. This is similar in Islamic cultures too. While I don't have a specific cite I can show you to back up the claims about the Greeks, it is pretty evident if you've read Plato and Aristotle. As for Muslims, thi…

It's an L. XLNT. Abbreviation of excellent. I don't mind the voting. It's useful information to find out that I hit a nerve.

Yes, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't be disappointed with the voting.

Re: Ask YC: do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?

#64

Post by xlnt »

yters wrote: post #63
xlnt wrote: post #61

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's an L. XLNT. Abbreviation of excellent. I don't mind the voting. It's useful information to find out that I hit a nerve.

Yes, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't be disappointed with the voting.

You expected more of YC? :)

Re: Ask YC: do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?

#65

Post by yters »

xlnt wrote: post #64
yters wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't be disappointed with the voting.

You expected more of YC? :)

Yeah, otherwise it isn't worth coming here. I can go anywhere else online and find people who'll just spout their preferences instead of respond rationally.

I made a submission out of this: http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=149248

Re: Ask YC: do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?

#66

Post by xlnt »

yters wrote: post #65
xlnt wrote: post #64

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You expected more of YC? :)

Yeah, otherwise it isn't worth coming here. I can go anywhere else online and find people who'll just spout their preferences instead of respond rationally. I made a submission out of this: http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=149248

In my opinion YC is well above average, but its expertise doesn't apply to all issues.

Re: Ask YC: do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?

#67

Post by xlnt »

euccastro wrote: post #62
xlnt wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What's so great about it?

If you don't know, you have to keep trying. If I had to convince you, I'd say that: For many millions of years, selecting mates and being selected was much of what being animal/human was all about. Right now, with the increasing sophistication of our brains, individual and collective, the game has diversified a lot. You can satisfy/sublimate your social and sexual instincts in other ways. But all this is relatively r…

As I understand it, you are proposing a sort of evolutionary psychology theory. Humans personalities today are certain ways because of selection pressure on genes.

I think that sort of theory is mistaken because there has not been significant selection pressure on human genes recently. More specifically, there hasn't been selection pressure on human genes since around the time that humans first got personalities. So I don't think genetic evolution was able to have much influence on our personalities.

The reason there wasn't selection pressure on genes is that any survival needs could be filled faster and better by ideas, so genetic differences didn't have much chance to matter.

Re: Ask YC: do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?

#68

Post by xlnt »

euccastro wrote: post #60
xlnt wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

While people frequently feel happy about romance, what is there that should make one happy? If the answer is something like, "having a close relationship where you understand each other well" then that is possible without romance and without being hurt.

I don't think you are questioning that romance can cause more intense and overwhelming feelings than the social and intellectual pleasure of close bonds and mutual understanding, right? It's quite easy to explain, in evolutionary terms, why it 'should' be like that. But I don't think this is the "should" that you are asking about. And the problem is, there are no other "should"s, no other "why"s. In asking for a tran…

We just are what we are. Play to win

You can only play to win if you have some control over your life. If you do, then you aren't just what you are now.

If you want to win, I don't see how life strategies known for causing lots of pain and misery are wise. Couldn't we say that life is too short to to waste time with love and sex instead of working on something important (like, say, life-extension research)?

Re: Ask YC: do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?

#70

Post by wheels »

xlnt wrote: post #68
euccastro wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't think you are questioning that romance can cause more intense and overwhelming feelings than the social and intellectual pleasure of close bonds and mutual understanding, right? It's quite easy to explain, in evolutionary terms, why it 'should' be like that. But I don't think this is the "should" that you are asking about. And the problem is, there are no other "should"s, no other "why"s. In asking for a tran…

We just are what we are. Play to win You can only play to win if you have some control over your life. If you do, then you aren't just what you are now. If you want to win, I don't see how life strategies known for causing lots of pain and misery are wise. Couldn't we say that life is too short to to waste time with love and sex instead of working on something important (like, say, life-extension research)?

You could, but you could also say that life is too short to waste on ice cream, smiling and literature. None of these things have absolute value.

Happiness, and success are a perspective, not an objective reality. Importance is synthetic. Freedom is just a macroscopic view of determinism.

If you can find a way to be happy with or without relationships, you win. People seem to have succeeded and failed with both strategies.

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