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Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

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Re: Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

#41

Post by ryanmarsh »

Warrior here. It took me some pretty embarrassing red flagging in relationships with good Magi to realize what I was doing wrong. It's so easy to roll over people without meaning to. I'm sad and embarrassed to tell you there are a few people from early in my career who won't return my calls or blocked me on twitter. These are people I deeply respect.

It's so easy to fuck this up when you are a decisive competitive extroverted energetic person.

I cannot stress enough the importance of a soft touch around quiet creators.

If I could humbly recommend a trick that will warn someone like me of the damage they could do. Send an email after the first "stun lock". Explain how the interaction made you feel. If the person isn't toxic they will realize what they've done and apologize immediately. If they don't you're dealing with a grade A asshole and there's honestly nothing you can do short of learning to be a bigger asshole which would probably violate your integrity.

Re: Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

#43

Post by AcerbicZero »

scottLobster wrote: post #18

Seems like most of his advice could be summed up as: "Don't over-complicate the situation". To use his first example, when he's being insulted why spin off into emotional-analysis neverland? What's happening there is you're being abused by an asshole, and you should respond to said abuse and, once that situation is resolved, examine the real issue more thoroughly. I'm speaking as someone who used to think exactly lik…

He ends up with a solution that works for him, and I applaud that, but it requires allowing others to control his emotional state, which doesn't seem like such a great idea to me.

I'd prefer to maintain a level of mindfulness towards emotions, and avoid allowing them to force a state of "emotional processing" along with the various actions required.

Re: Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

#44

Post by adrianratnapala »

stephengillie wrote: post #28
RodericDay wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Everyone opposed to public salaries thinks they're the special snowflakes with a secret sweetheart deal.

Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat, but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires. - John Steinbeck (disputed)

This is a comforting but dangerous illusion for the American left. It leads to failed political tactics like John Kerry's "misery index", where he tried to tell voters how badly off they were.

This stance fools the left into thinking they need to tell the working class that they are losers. People react badly to that; they will happily forgo new welfare programs and regulatory subsidies and will instead rail against the status assertions behind it all.

Which brings us to Trumpism...

Re: Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

#45

Post by dgreensp »

I'm confused about whether the "WTF your crap is crap" example is exaggerated or true-to-life. If true, I would leave that job, or at least report to management that I'm unwilling to work with that person and be treated like that. If the example is exaggerated, then it confuses the point a bit because it bakes the author's sensitivity into reality for the purpose of the article. Maybe I've just always worked with other sensitive, conflict-avoidant engineers, and not assholes, but the example is way outside of bounds for me.

The way to think about a situation like that is in terms of having boundaries, not about ego. Don't take abuse. You don't need a witty comeback. Or, it will come when you stop thinking you need to tolerate abuse.

The part about talking with your partner about what works for you in sex is lovely.

Re: Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

#46

Post by chrisbennet »

danielharrison wrote: post #38

An alternative approach I use to combat alpha-holes, and general abuse/anger is to not answer the question 100%, or answer with a lot of ambiguity. The goal is to raise more questions than you answer (don't answer them, just throw a curve ball). Couple it with some down-talking and you're good to go. This throws the attacker into a bit of mental confusion and their anger subsides instantly as they're trying to proces…

Something that isn't a counter attack like "Is your shirt inside out?" may also work.

Re: Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

#47

Post by ptrckbrwn »

adrianratnapala wrote: post #44
stephengillie wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat, but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires. - John Steinbeck (disputed)

This is a comforting but dangerous illusion for the American left. It leads to failed political tactics like John Kerry's "misery index", where he tried to tell voters how badly off they were. This stance fools the left into thinking they need to tell the working class that they are losers. People react badly to that; they will happily forgo new welfare programs and regulatory subsidies and will instead rail against…

^ found the libertarian

Re: Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

#48

Post by jventura »

danielharrison wrote: post #40
magic_beans wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We're talking about a guy who was so paralyzed by the fact that the woman he was having sex with whispered sweet nothings into his ear that he dedicated three paragraphs to unpacking the discomfort it caused...

You joke but I think there's something more at play here. Sounds like the guy cannot multitask at all. Maybe on the spectrum.

He says exactly that in the post: "Why couldn’t I think of the snappy response? Because I can’t do verbal processing and emotional processing at the same time!!!"

Re: Introverts, Emotional Processing, Self-Esteem and Salary Negotiations

#49

Post by chrisbennet »

manyhands wrote: post #20
pavel_lishin wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How so?

Employees who negotiate higher salaries are subsidized by their meek coworkers.

I suppose that could be true but I kinda doubt that in the case where all the workers were meek, that the company would altruistically pay everyone a bit more.
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