Ask HN: Lack of self-discipline driving me hopeless. Tips?

Dude, you don't have ADD. You aren't bipolar. You're a normal young man -- or at least within the range of normal for young men. Forget therapists. Forget drugs. Forget everything you've been told, and join the Army. Seriously. Trust me. Yes, yes, I know that you don't know me. But you're describing me in this post, and a lot of guys I knew back when I was in: Smart guys, but bored. Can't concentrate in class. Can't suffer fools. Takes a lot to motivate them. They need to be passionate about something before they will even try it, and then they try it, and things don't happen as quickly as they thought they would, and they get discouraged, and their minds wander. And then they try something else, half-way. Fuck that shit. Become a marine. Try to become a paratrooper. Do something physical that attracts a better class of recruit, and don't stop till you get there. It will teach you to finish things that you start. And along the way you'll probably be doing more good for the world than any ten Peace Corps volunteers. Yes yes, I saw that Collateral murder video. Wikleaks is a bunch of liars. When you finish, you'll have learned an important lesson. Which is that more than anything else, winning requires that you show up.

After that, if you still feel useless, you will have plenty of time to kill yourself.

While OR's reply is really helpful (and funny enough, because I was in the same situation as you were in when I was graduating school and I followed pretty much OR's suggestion, weight lifting, taking up guitar and a rec basketball league and generally not stress out and enjoy life and it worked really well ... for awhile until my old depression/anxiety came back), I feel that they are topical medication to much more deep-rooted issues.

Although most don't admit it, graduation from college is a scary experience; some sees as a transition into the real world, prepared or not, an evaluation for what they have achieved during college, if they have made up for their disappointments in high school or a continuation of the disappointments, or as a crystal ball to determine the future (e.g., a 4.0 GPA in CS/Econ leads to job at Goldman Sachs or Bio to Harvard Medical School, to a respectable life); Or "I didn't make any lasting friends or relationships, I'll be a loser for the rest of my life," or that I have found my niche, geek bent for SF conventions/hipsters bent for bohemian gentrifying neighborhood/prep bent for loft in a upscale yuppie neighborhood.

The reason most people can't commit to relationships or friendships are rooted in their own insecurity; either a feeling of inferiority/superiority when in company of others, e.g., "Lisa thinks that I'm cool, but she doesn't know who I truly am, just my pomped-up version of myself in the two times I did her" or "Fuck Dan, what does he know? He went to an arts school". It could also be that you aren't sure about what you want yourself, "Should I focus more on startup's or my social life? Should I climb the corporate ladder or pursue my own personal vision?"; Unclear personal visions leads confusion to whom you want to associate with and the values that you want to see in your friends/significant others.

Add it on top of that is your expectations that come with your startup dream. What do you wish it to validate? Because most human endeavors, when you boil down to it, isn't about money. And also, it probably isn't one of those vague feel-good mantras, "make a difference in the world, " "to innovate," or "to push envelope." The reason, most of the time is pretty personal, hence the term, "the revenge of the nerds." Why do you want to pursue your startup? So that you could be the next Sergey Brin and get invited to your high school/college graduation as a and say "fuck you" to everyone in the audience, to get the girl (or the boy), to prove your parents or former best friend or ex-girlfriend, or to correct something in the unspoken rules in the current mainstream social conventions that has hampered/traumatized you.

Answer these questions and don't resist it if they lead to paths totally different than pursuing startup's. Although most people don't like to admit it, pursuing startup's is like pursuing medicine. In the beginning, the prospect is exciting and promises the riches and respectability; it is only later that most people realize that becoming a doctor haven't solved all of their personal problems and just brought on a whole slew of more professional problems.

So, don't go to medical school unless you can't imagine doing anything but medicine.

Reading this I felt as if someone was holding up a mirror to me. I am a borderline personality, so in some ways I know how you feel. On the other hand I should be the last person giving you advice as I am a work in progress too, but I need to say a few things to you.

First of all, I know that you probably feel inside that it's wrong for you to be like this, and sometimes you just question why you're a freak. Other times you might question your very existence, and how far you have fallen. After all being hysterical isn't something that you look forward too. I used to feel exactly the same, but then you have those days when everything is beautiful and you are high in ways that is so difficult to define in words. Those days make you wonder even more why you're like this, but the thing is that its okay. There is nothing wrong with you.

I know that this is so clichéd and you hear this all the time, but its true. It takes some time to digest and even more time to accept, but consider the possibility. This curse might actually be a boon in a lot of ways.

Second, is there anyone you love and trust? Talking to people helps a lot, especially when you are down and out. It, in fact, saved my life. I wouldn't be alive bashing this out right now if someone hadn't loved me, guided me and accepted me.

I know that you probably won't talk to them because you don't want to be a burden, but can you imagine how they feel about you? They will in fact be glad that you reached out to them in the darkest moments of your life, and it will show you a side of humanity that most people never see. As this forum proves people can be extremely kind, loving and generous. A lot of people are will go the distance to help you heal. Let them do that.

You are not a burden either. In fact, it's quite probable that you've made a contribution to their life in a way that even you can't define. So, don't plunge the icy dagger of death into them. Reach out to them. Also if you want you can email me at yesthisisananonymousid [at] gmail. (can't post my real id on this forum in case someone from my past reads this)

Third, taking those pills will not be a good experience. At times they are a constant reminder that no matter what you do, what plans you make, what you think, what you dream. You are at the mercy of those tiny bundles of chemicals, and a bunch of receptors in your brain.

DON'T let that stop you from taking them. They are a lifeline in that chaos, and sure there is a cost to taking some of them but it is worth each and every moment. It helps you to breathe in a way that you had long forgotten, and that sense of freedom from your moods is an amazing feeling. Moreover, as time passes on you'll be able to leave that crutch, or reduce it to barely perceptible amounts, and live life free.

Fourth, I want you to know that you really aren't alone. Even though we have never met, and probably never will I want to tell you that I can empathize with you and if you wish I want to be there for you.

Take care.

P.S. - You might get some mileage from the awesome advice lionhearted and others gave me in this thread (http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1484882).

I considered that. When I returned to school, I promised to stay away from start-ups for at least a year. My life sucked even more perhaps. Hopping onto my current startup brought some joy--though not long-lasting. But nothing has brought me long-lasting joy and that may be the crux of the problem.

Thanks man, really appreciate your support. Helps to know I'm not the only one going through this stuff.