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My loss

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Re: My loss

#91

Post by __david__ »

cageface wrote: post #24
yef wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yup. Presumably the non-earner is contributing something else to the marriage and to the household (like child-rearing). And you'd think that if that person was a total slacker and bad spouse, the court would divide the stuff in favor of the earner. But who knows. I'd want to talk to a divorce lawyer or judge. I just wanted to clarify the common misconception that you can "marry someone and take half of their [existi…

And you'd think that if that person was a total slacker and bad spouse, the court would divide the stuff in favor of the earner. Again I think this varies from state to state but at least in CA considerations like this make zero difference. You split anything acquired during the marriage 50/50. Period. I imagine the intent of this rule is to limit the legal wiggle room and consequently the court costs of a divorce bu…

> You split anything acquired during the marriage 50/50. Period.

And on top of that the judge that ultimately reviews the case can change the terms even if both parties have agreed to them. Presumably this is to fix the problem of making someone sign to a unfair arrangement under duress.

This annoyed me (scared me, really) when I went through my divorce, but ultimately our agreement went through the court unscathed (pretty much just 50/50, though certain things are complicated, like how do you value the dog??).

Re: My loss

#92

Post by todayiamme »

mleonhard wrote: post #86
todayiamme wrote: post #40

I am at rock bottom right now, and as I struggle to get up. I've searched for resources to help me figure out the best way out. I have made plans. Created structures for myself. Kicked myself. A lot. However, I've fallen flat on my face again and again due to a simple reason. I don't have the resources to execute any kind of measures to get myself out of this mess. I can't concentrate without getting suicidal imagery…

If you live in the US then you can go to college at any time. With a highschool diploma or GED, you can walk into any community college, fill out the application form, and you're immediately accepted for the next quarter. Take 2 years of the right classes and you can transfer to your state university. Once you're 25 years old, the government no longer expects your parents to contribute to your education, so you will…

The problem is that I don't live in the US. I live in India and the educational system over here is screwed up, despite what the PR guys would have you to believe.

>>>I think you should go to college and get some work experience before trying to make a startup. I tried developing my own fax server product when I was 20. The product worked, but I made some poor business decisions and gave up. Then I went to community college, transferred to university, studied abroad, graduated, got a software engineering job in Amazon Web Services, learned and saved money for a few years, and then left to start my business. Now I am in a much better position to build a product and company. You can be in my position in 6-7 years.That's true, but there is a time loop-hole over here that I want to exploit. I have an idea that is extremely time dependent in the sense it is the low hanging fruit, and the second someone else with more resources figures that small bit out. Then it'll be the second when the going gets rough.

I don't want money. Of course, I want to be rich enough to enjoy a few luxuries of life, but I don't want the money. I think that money inevitably corrupts us by distorting our perspective, and we end up chasing it. Instead, I want to make something beautiful and that startup idea is the most beautiful thing I can think of. So, I'll kick myself for the rest of my life if I don't make it. It's really not a choice for me in some ways. I HAVE to design things. I HAVE to make things. It's just the way I am.

Of course, if push comes to shove I will fight till the end for my idea, but I will abandon it if it screws other things up. I've realized that there are limits to obsession in this world beyond which your drive turns into brakes.

Re: My loss

#94

Post by todayiamme »

fgf wrote: post #89
todayiamme wrote: post #40

I am at rock bottom right now, and as I struggle to get up. I've searched for resources to help me figure out the best way out. I have made plans. Created structures for myself. Kicked myself. A lot. However, I've fallen flat on my face again and again due to a simple reason. I don't have the resources to execute any kind of measures to get myself out of this mess. I can't concentrate without getting suicidal imagery…

That sucks. Do you sleep well? If no the obvious advice applies, walk outside every morning, install flux or avoid bright screens at night etc. etc. For your year off have you considered doing something like volunteer work somewhere? 1. you'll be useful to someone 2. it will be cheap 3. your friends and the college admissions people won't think you're wasting your time (nor should they, you or anyone) 4. you will be…

>>>That sucks. Do you sleep well? If no the obvious advice applies, walk outside every morning, install flux or avoid bright screens at night etc. etc.I try that every day, but every night it gets screwed up again. It is hard for me to sleep at night and harder to wake up. What happens in the end is that I end up sleeping 12-16 hours a day.

>>>For your year off have you considered doing something like volunteer work somewhere? 1. you'll be useful to someone 2. it will be cheap 3. your friends and the college admissions people won't think you're wasting your time (nor should they, you or anyone) 4. you will be able to live without stress from various obligations and social pressures (assuming this is a factor) 5. It's easy you could have it arranged in no time and just be off.I want to volunteer for things like Make A Wish Foundation, but my hands are full. I have to correct the fact that I am so volatile and I have to learn a lot of things. At the same time I will be honest to the college admissions people about how I've spent my time, and I'll show them the most important thing to me; my creations.

My parents will in fact pressure me not to do social work. They instead want me to "compete" and "beat" the rest of the herd to secure "selection" into an IIT (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indian_Institutes_of_Technology). The only problem is that I am not interested in a rat race. I want to do more with my life than play a stupid game based upon a 6 hour paper.

>>>And medicines supposedly work as well, if you haven't you should probably talk to a psychiatrist.I don't have access to a psychiatrist anymore due to various social factors. Since, I can't pay for one and I am not living on my own I have to tow the line in silence. I think that it's important for me to pick my battles wisely, and there is no use to fight over this.

Thanks for replying!

Re: My loss

#95

Post by todayiamme »

thomasz wrote: post #53
amh wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A co-worker of mine got divorced not long ago. I believe it went to court, but not sure (they both had lawyers). No kids were involved. His wife received half his assets, 100% of their co-owned business, all of his retirement money, and substantial alimony for 5 years. He got a devalued house with 2 mortgages and a 15 year old car. The wife is also a skilled, in-demand professional who could easily make $60k/year+. H…

> The truth is, family courts are highly biased against men Does anyone know about a study supporting this claim? Not that I'd be surprised, but confirmation bias can be a bitch...

The funny thing is that you face bias even if you are a man or a women.

Let's face it. It sucks to be a woman in 90% of the world. You do not have any right over your own body. You are a second rate citizen. At best. Oh and you are a commodity to be kept "intact" and sold through something that resembles marriage, but isn't marriage. Not to mention a vagina that has the audacity to bleed once a month causing pain that most men simply don't understand.

Yet it is equally hard to be male, especially if you deviate from the established norms of masculinity. It is quite interesting how society censors effeminate male behavior than masculine female behavior. It doesn't matter where you are born being a gender variant kid isn't exactly a nice deal. However, if you are the alpha male who pounds his hairy muscular chest while trying to club women, then you've got it made.

At the same time I see reverse discrimination operate for males in a lot of spaces. Granted it is not as wide spread as discrimination against women, but it exists. Somehow society has taught us that women cannot perpetuate sexual abuse, or any kind of abuse for that matter and we agree to tow the line. I've actually seen people being framed by women who abuse laws that exist to protect them against a chauvinistic society.

I guess this is what they call the human condition, and in a lot of ways it will stop only when we stop segregating people into roles based upon some difference we can come up with. I wish I could tell people to calm down and just let each other be.

P.S. - Read Sarah Hoffman's work on parenting a gender variant child (http://www.sarahhoffmanwriter.com/).

Re: My loss

#96

Post by fgf »

todayiamme wrote: post #94
fgf wrote: post #89

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That sucks. Do you sleep well? If no the obvious advice applies, walk outside every morning, install flux or avoid bright screens at night etc. etc. For your year off have you considered doing something like volunteer work somewhere? 1. you'll be useful to someone 2. it will be cheap 3. your friends and the college admissions people won't think you're wasting your time (nor should they, you or anyone) 4. you will be…

>>>That sucks. Do you sleep well? If no the obvious advice applies, walk outside every morning, install flux or avoid bright screens at night etc. etc. I try that every day, but every night it gets screwed up again. It is hard for me to sleep at night and harder to wake up. What happens in the end is that I end up sleeping 12-16 hours a day. >>>For your year off have you considered doing something like volunteer work…

Ah, I assumed the college was Ivy League or Oxford/Cambridge. I want to get seriously off topic here with questions about cramming for the JEE. If you'll indulge me there is a mail in my profile.

Re: My loss

#97

Post by fleitz »

dieterrams wrote: post #74
philk wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

While you're busy pretending to be sensitive some of us are willing to admit that youth and looks are important to us in a partner. Also I note you disregarded the "great, funny, vibrant, intelligent" part.

I feel like I'm wading into dangerous territory here ("I'm going to get downvoted for this"), but I think petercooper raised a valid objection (sort of). Not that I really want to be picking nits over all this and getting hyperanalytical over one line from fleitz's inspiring story, but... You know why petercooper disregarded the "great, funny, vibrant, intelligent" part? Because those are qualities fleitz values in h…

Maybe he thinks I'm making a mistake, it just sounds like PC bs to me. I actually admit this kind of thing all over the place. It does two things, it makes you interesting, and it weeds out the wet blankets from the room. Just start saying the truth it's much more fun than pretending to believe a bunch of pc bs. Who doesn't like young and attractive women? Maybe peter cooper should tell elon musk he shouldn't be seeing the new wife because she is young and attractive.

Re: My loss

#98

Post by DTrejo »

todayiamme wrote: post #90
lionhearted wrote: post #61

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I've realized that there aren't too many secrets to a beautiful life; it's just choosing the path that's too damn hard. Okay, if you look at "the path", it's going to be tough. 90% of the time you want to be looking at one of two things. Either: 1. What you want as your end outcome, or, 2. What the next step is That's it. Thinking "Oh man I'm going to have to go exercise for six months to get my weight and energy w…

>>>Don't focus on "the path" - the stuff that needs to be done. It's too much. Focus on what you want, and then ask what's the next action? It's taking a 15 minute walk. You can take a 15 minute walk. No problem. That's my problem right there. Seriously, I hadn't been able to figure this bit of it out, and I've never thought of it that way. As I have been taught to believe that those who are afraid of the big picture…

todayiamme you should check out gigapedia* for Waitzkin's Art of Learning. You have to register first, but you could find it on there

*.com

Keep it on the DL.

Update: just found it :)

Re: My loss

#99

Post by [deleted] »

todayiamme wrote: post #90
lionhearted wrote: post #61

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I've realized that there aren't too many secrets to a beautiful life; it's just choosing the path that's too damn hard. Okay, if you look at "the path", it's going to be tough. 90% of the time you want to be looking at one of two things. Either: 1. What you want as your end outcome, or, 2. What the next step is That's it. Thinking "Oh man I'm going to have to go exercise for six months to get my weight and energy w…

>>>Don't focus on "the path" - the stuff that needs to be done. It's too much. Focus on what you want, and then ask what's the next action? It's taking a 15 minute walk. You can take a 15 minute walk. No problem. That's my problem right there. Seriously, I hadn't been able to figure this bit of it out, and I've never thought of it that way. As I have been taught to believe that those who are afraid of the big picture…

[deleted]

Re: My loss

#100

Post by stoney »

dieterrams wrote: post #74
philk wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

While you're busy pretending to be sensitive some of us are willing to admit that youth and looks are important to us in a partner. Also I note you disregarded the "great, funny, vibrant, intelligent" part.

I feel like I'm wading into dangerous territory here ("I'm going to get downvoted for this"), but I think petercooper raised a valid objection (sort of). Not that I really want to be picking nits over all this and getting hyperanalytical over one line from fleitz's inspiring story, but... You know why petercooper disregarded the "great, funny, vibrant, intelligent" part? Because those are qualities fleitz values in h…

Well being younger is sort of inherent to her - obviously her absolute age will increase, but her age relative to fleitz is fixed - she'll always be X years younger than him.
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