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Thanks to Venmo, We Now All Know How Cheap Our Friends Are

nytimes.com

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Re: Thanks to Venmo, We Now All Know How Cheap Our Friends Are

#91

Post by nilkn »

deorcness wrote: post #47
R_haterade wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agreed. I think it's simple common courtesy that the person extending the invite picks up the check.

In my experience, that's culturally exclusive to the upper-middle and upper echelons of society. In working class groups, no single person is expected to pay for everything; it's split relatively evenly.

My family is not upper middle class but if you try to pay for everyone, you'll find someone else has already slipped their card to the waiter. I've seen relatives almost get into arguments because two people insisted on paying.

Outside of my family, I've also had friends from relatively poor backgrounds insist on paying for lunch or drinks before. And I've had wealthy friends act extremely petty down to the penny. So overall I've found it's hard or impossible to generalize too much.

Re: Thanks to Venmo, We Now All Know How Cheap Our Friends Are

#92

Post by kurthr »

closeparen wrote: post #49
kurthr wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, they ought to use bill roulette (choose a penny out of the bill to choose who pays). You still get the jerk who doesn't tip, though.

Wow. I tend to think of "not randomly destroying each other's finances" as a baseline criteria for friendship.

Sometimes you don't go out and eat only with friends...

However, like a potluck or dinner club, check roulette works great with groups you regularly eat with since it is distributed exactly according to the bill. I have groups that I eat with 30-50 times a year.

Re: Thanks to Venmo, We Now All Know How Cheap Our Friends Are

#93

Post by zorked »

endlessvoid94 wrote: post #82

Sorry but this is nonsense. The fact that there is no more rounding is a better default that we no longer must put any thought into. It's more convenient. I fail to see how it harms the relationship in a way that's "petty". This also completely leaves out the inconvenience of planning a large gathering for friends and fronting all the money yourself. Yes, it may feel "petty" to be reminded to pay your share, but imag…

This is just another article about how millennials are horrible, horrible people because they don't live in the 50s.

Re: Thanks to Venmo, We Now All Know How Cheap Our Friends Are

#94

Post by detaro »

tedivm wrote: post #22

I have never disagreed with something so much. While I'm financially not doing so bad, I grew up poor. When I was college age going out with friends was complicated- if we all handled our own bills it was one thing, but when I'm not drinking and only eating cheap food to save money splitting the check would literally mean I'm subsidizing other people friends and could be the difference between being able to afford to…

Is it that much less awkward to send someone money afterwards vs figuring out the bill "offline" that the alternatives only are "venmo" or "evenly split"? (FWIW, around me the default is everyone paying for themselves, at the restaurant/bar/..., so this "bias" towards splitting seems weird to me)

Re: Thanks to Venmo, We Now All Know How Cheap Our Friends Are

#95

Post by wfunction »

cbhl wrote: post #86
wfunction wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Addendum: One useful thing I've found about reimbursing (note: NOT splitting, which is what you were talking about) some other bills down to the penny is that it makes it much easier to search for them afterward if you want to figure out whether you remembered to pay for them. Like if you buy someone dinner and they insist on paying, don't round $10.49 down to $10 or up to $11. Because then you have different numbers…

If you like this, you might like the free workshops from You Need a Budget. I like to think of it as teaching "poor person's double entry accounting". (The workshop is free because they're trying to sell you their $50/year SaaS.) https://www.youneedabudget.com/classes/

It's not really about budgeting or tracking your expenses, rather it's about (1) making it easier to search for the exact amount and having the payment pop up (e.g. in one shot in your email inbox, in some cases) when others ask you if they paid, and (2) avoiding a misunderstanding where someone asks you if they reimbursed you for something a few weeks later and you say "no" because the amount you looked for didn't match what they actually paid you.

Re: Thanks to Venmo, We Now All Know How Cheap Our Friends Are

#96

Post by DanBC »

nilkn wrote: post #91
deorcness wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In my experience, that's culturally exclusive to the upper-middle and upper echelons of society. In working class groups, no single person is expected to pay for everything; it's split relatively evenly.

My family is not upper middle class but if you try to pay for everyone, you'll find someone else has already slipped their card to the waiter. I've seen relatives almost get into arguments because two people insisted on paying. Outside of my family, I've also had friends from relatively poor backgrounds insist on paying for lunch or drinks before. And I've had wealthy friends act extremely petty down to the penny. So…

See also Father Ted: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pk3ds-VFKBs

Re: Thanks to Venmo, We Now All Know How Cheap Our Friends Are

#98

Post by gozur88 »

>"It’s making people less generous and chivalrous,” Ms. Pennoyer said. “It used to be you’d go to a restaurant, and you’d put down your credit cards and split it 50-50, even if one person had steak and one had chicken. But now people pay exactly to the cent."

Spoken like the person who always orders steak.

I don't drink, so I'm always irritated when I go out to dinner with a bunch of people and someone says "let's just split the tab evenly. It's too much trouble to figure it all out." Since drinks are so expensive relative to food either I speak up and look like the jerk or end up paying much more than I should.

Re: Thanks to Venmo, We Now All Know How Cheap Our Friends Are

#99

Post by jensvdh »

1024core wrote: post #70
tedivm wrote: post #22

I have never disagreed with something so much. While I'm financially not doing so bad, I grew up poor. When I was college age going out with friends was complicated- if we all handled our own bills it was one thing, but when I'm not drinking and only eating cheap food to save money splitting the check would literally mean I'm subsidizing other people friends and could be the difference between being able to afford to…

This (widely disparate eating patterns between friends) used to be a problem, but then we hit on a solution: at the end, when the bill comes, each person adds up what they ate/drank, and adds 30% to that (which covers the tax + tip). Some items can be ordered "for all", and the persons who did that take ownership of those too. It's worked beautifully so far.

30%?? How much do you tip??

Re: Thanks to Venmo, We Now All Know How Cheap Our Friends Are

#100

Post by Volt »

maaaats wrote: post #16
ndonnellan wrote: post #2

On the contrary, I find it removes social friction if you go out to eat relatively often. You can still buy rounds of drinks or pick up the tab; no one is stopping you from being generous. In college I found it way more tedious to try and "keep-even" with classmates. Combine that with any sort of gossip around "they always shortchange" (maybe they're not good at tax+tip mental calcs), and I'm all for removing uncerta…

Yeah, I second that it removes friction. I hate the "lets split the bill evenly"-approach. It makes me feel like I leech of others if I want something expensive, and the other way around if I'm not very hungry but have to pay for everybody else having three courses.

Can't you just get your own bill then? I feel like so many people make this to be way more of a deal than it needs to be.
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