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How to make a friend fast

happyturtlethings.net

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Re: How to make a friend fast

#251

Post by Bakary »

seppin wrote: post #220
Bakary wrote: post #154

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What's interesting to note is that no matter how you dress it up, human beings are indeed biological machines and respond in surprisingly predictable ways. The companies which specialize in data gathering and analysis are increasingly able to corroborate this observation with concrete examples and algorithms. It's of course a tautology, but "normal" social interactions are just that: a set of arbitrary norms. Normal…

> What's interesting to note is that no matter how you dress it up, human beings are indeed biological machines and respond in surprisingly predictable ways. Is that why people that use a process to try and explain what people will do are nearly always wrong? Economics, politics, etc. People do respond to basic triggers of biology, but we have very little understanding of these trigger and where they originate from.

It will certainly be interesting to see if data analysis can garner a greater understanding of these triggers over time.

Re: How to make a friend fast

#252

Post by Chris2048 »

3pt14159 wrote: post #243
coldtea wrote: post #172

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I don't want come over with an expensive scotch and have people mix it with Coca Cola. Well, on the other hand, I don't want to be "friends" with people who judge me by my knowledge of drinking etiquette. Who gives a duck for how one drinks an "expensive scotch" (sic) compared to friendship? I'm not sure what bond was broken when someone upgraded friends based on how they treated an expensive scotch, but it was no…

You're focusing too much on one small demonstrative aspect that I shouldn't have even bothered to include because it misses the point. I have friends with unsophisticated tastes, but they have other aspects that are laudable and interesting. For example I have a friend that works as a stage actor in Toronto. He doesn't have sophisticated tastes, but he's passionate about art and we can discuss aspects of each others…

> I personally find prostitution and stripping disgusting (though I think it should be legal)

seems like they are one "kind of person" and you are a another.

Re: How to make a friend fast

#253

Post by senthil_rajasek »

frebord wrote: post #241
senthil_rajasek wrote: post #240

Let me hazard a guess, study done mostly with American subjects and majority of them being white. I would love to see a qualifier like "How to make a friend fast in America?"

Go get butt hurt somewhere else. You have no idea whether that is true so why can't you leave your mouth shut and enjoy the potential implications of the study.

The implications of the study are useful only in certain contexts, it is not universal. You can't talk about your intimate feelings to a stranger of the opposite sex in Saudi Arabia, for example.

Re: How to make a friend fast

#254

Post by Mz »

pbhjpbhj wrote: post #245
Mz wrote: post #216

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Actually, I think and read about these processes a lot. I have taken intro to psychology, social psychology and a class on negotiation and conflict management. I find social stuff fascinating and I love to study it. But it takes 15 to 20 hours a week to establish and maintain a genuinely close relationship. Forty five minutes is barely a down payment on that. I have known "players" and how they operate. They are good…

How do you propose starting a 20 hour a week relationship. Currently my interactions outside the family are limited to online or 5-10 minutes face to face. 45 minutes seems like a good first meeting to me - do you just jump in and spend a long weekend with someone you've never met ... can you see that might not work for everyone?

I am not proposing anything. I am just telling you that 5 minutes here and 10 minutes there won't create a close relationship. That's just a fact. It is not some kind of personal agenda on my end.

Re: How to make a friend fast

#255

Post by pbhjpbhj »

Mz wrote: post #254
pbhjpbhj wrote: post #245

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How do you propose starting a 20 hour a week relationship. Currently my interactions outside the family are limited to online or 5-10 minutes face to face. 45 minutes seems like a good first meeting to me - do you just jump in and spend a long weekend with someone you've never met ... can you see that might not work for everyone?

I am not proposing anything. I am just telling you that 5 minutes here and 10 minutes there won't create a close relationship. That's just a fact. It is not some kind of personal agenda on my end.

But it can _start_ [what quickly becomes] a close relationship, first time I met my partner of multiple decades was for 2 minutes, you have to start somewhere!?

Re: How to make a friend fast

#256

Post by Mz »

pbhjpbhj wrote: post #255
Mz wrote: post #254

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am not proposing anything. I am just telling you that 5 minutes here and 10 minutes there won't create a close relationship. That's just a fact. It is not some kind of personal agenda on my end.

But it can _start_ [what quickly becomes] a close relationship, first time I met my partner of multiple decades was for 2 minutes, you have to start somewhere!?

Why are you busting my chops? You have a partner of multiple decades. You don't actually need any advice on how to start a close relationship.

Re: How to make a friend fast

#257

Post by highprofit »

the author fails to mention that certain many things need to be in place first before you even have the first interaction that leads to potential close friendship...first impression elements such as streotype, prejudice, culture, assumptions, expectations, attraction, etc are all split second decisions we make that can affect how the interaction will go or if there is ever going to be interaction to begin with...the article completely ignores these aspects which are important specially in diverse multi cultural envrionments

Re: How to make a friend fast

#258

Post by Joe-Z »

Mz wrote: post #215
mistermann wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Being unable to tell the difference between someone that likes you versus someone who is just being polite, and if you consider them a "friend" and act "accordingly" they would consider you a socially incompetent weirdo.

About 90% of the time, it is not a big deal. I do try to make sure we are on the same page about some things. Most of the time, it is only an issue if some guy imagines it is a budding romance because he almost never talks to anyone, so talking to me occasionally is a big deal to him and he is imagining this is heading to bed when it isn't remotely on track for that in my mind. I have had genuine friendships and othe…

Interesting that you would say that. After a few painful and confusing months I finally decided to reduce contact with a female ex-flatmate of mine to a minimum. The conclusion I arrived at, is that she's pretty much exactly the type of person you described here. I simply can't handle that. It's confusing and I never know where I stand with her and that just adds too much unnecessary pressure in an area of my life where I just want to feel well (interpersonal relations / friendships). So, for my own well-being, I can't have her in my life anymore.

Just wanted to share that, since your comment summarized my impression of her so perfectly!

Re: How to make a friend fast

#259

Post by aperrien »

BenJahman wrote: post #211
turc1656 wrote: post #208

Not sure I agree that "agreement on important issues" should be on the "things that don't matter" section. I know that stuff in particular matters big time to me, even just for friends. My closest friends tend to see the world very similarly to me than people I am much less close with. In fact, more often than not I end up pruning out the people that think drastically differently than I do. Most of the time this just…

It seems you didn't wait social networks to live in a bubble ;)

Or living a life with interpersonal conflicts over topics is not something that they enjoy?

Re: How to make a friend fast

#260

Post by iosDrone »

Bakary wrote: post #154
iosDrone wrote: post #129

Things like this are why people laugh at Silicon Valley, this is a very aspie/robotic approach to this topic.

What's interesting to note is that no matter how you dress it up, human beings are indeed biological machines and respond in surprisingly predictable ways. The companies which specialize in data gathering and analysis are increasingly able to corroborate this observation with concrete examples and algorithms. It's of course a tautology, but "normal" social interactions are just that: a set of arbitrary norms. Normal…

The majority of people who read things like this and take them seriously are weird socially and don't read social cues well.
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