Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#151

Post by pavlov » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 2:11 PM UTC

lsc wrote: post #137

alttab wrote: post #124

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not to disagree, but a counter-argument could be that working on your weaknesses makes you a more well rounded person. This is a hunter-warrior/contractor vs a jack-of-all-trades/leader.

what is the advantage to being well rounded? I always thought that was a euphemism for average.

Being average at many things allows you to communicate with the wide range of people who are also average at one of those things. For a startup founder, that kind of domain knowledge can be extremely useful.

IMHO, highly specific expertise is overvalued by young people. Academia is the only place where specialization really shines; everywhere else you need to get along with people who don't understand your field.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#152

Post by lief79 » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 2:14 PM UTC

lsc wrote: post #137

alttab wrote: post #124

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not to disagree, but a counter-argument could be that working on your weaknesses makes you a more well rounded person. This is a hunter-warrior/contractor vs a jack-of-all-trades/leader.

what is the advantage to being well rounded? I always thought that was a euphemism for average.

It means you are last likely to be in a situation where you are completely stumped, and more likely to be able to find and recognize the talent in those you are outsourcing stuff too.

Furthermore, a lot of skill sets transfer over easily to related skill sets. It can help you get better at the areas where you are already strong, by pointing out specific aspects in them that you may have been overlooking.

shrugs I've usually been too much of a generalist, so I'm currently trying to specialize a bit more. Your mileage may vary.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#153

Post by jpdbaugh » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 2:14 PM UTC

lief79 wrote: post #148

jpdbaugh wrote: post #119

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"If you are changing and getting better, that means you are changing friends too. This was very difficult for me, but you can't hang out with the same folks and expect to become a better person. There are exceptions, of course, but to a large degree your life is controlled by whom you choose to be friends and hang out with. Be aware that you don't want to be the same person at 30 as you were at 20. I'm not saying be…

As for meeting people, most people are lonely on one level or another. If you can genuinely just say hello to random people, you'll be networking and getting to know people in no time. If it's at a social scene, or a public place, just look for someone sitting or standing by themselves, and ask if they would mind some company. In my experience, over 50% of people say yes. (If they don't, then move on to the next pers…

Thanks that seems like good advice. I am living in Pittsburgh with my girlfriend so I am not entirely alone. However, she is busy with graduate school and I am severely lacking in the friends department.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#154

Post by WesleyJohnson » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 2:21 PM UTC

lief79 wrote: post #148

jpdbaugh wrote: post #119

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"If you are changing and getting better, that means you are changing friends too. This was very difficult for me, but you can't hang out with the same folks and expect to become a better person. There are exceptions, of course, but to a large degree your life is controlled by whom you choose to be friends and hang out with. Be aware that you don't want to be the same person at 30 as you were at 20. I'm not saying be…

As for meeting people, most people are lonely on one level or another. If you can genuinely just say hello to random people, you'll be networking and getting to know people in no time. If it's at a social scene, or a public place, just look for someone sitting or standing by themselves, and ask if they would mind some company. In my experience, over 50% of people say yes. (If they don't, then move on to the next pers…

I always feel a bit somber when I read advice along the lines of what DBM posted, in that the experience in your life are what define you and you want to live a life you can tell stories about and not one you can sleep through. The feeling of somberness comes from knowing that, thus far, I've really led a life most COULD sleep through. I don't tip the scales of introversion, but I'm not far off.

I'm commenting here because I think you've given good advice on ways to slowly step away from this and these are things I've been putting into practice when I can. I'm more confident in engaging in small talk with people now, but it's typically someone I'm forced to interact with (hair stylist, waiter/waitress, mechanic, etc). I really need to take it a step further and target people outside of that comfort zone. I specifically like your idea of targeting other people standing alone, regardless of whether or not I have the confidence to do so - it's good advice.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#155

Post by Jun8 » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 2:22 PM UTC

Thing is, you cannot cheat this way. I've found that mostly it's pretty useless to read valuable advice from from other people, you just have to live through it yourself. As Morpheus says "No one can be told what the Matrix is, you have to see for yourself".

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#156

Post by lsc » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 2:22 PM UTC

silvestrov wrote: post #48

lionhearted wrote: post #25

Man, forgive me for being blunt, but there's a lot of loser talk in this thread. "Oh you can't learn from others mistakes, you'll make them, blah blah blah..." - no, this is how people feel better about themselves for having not listened to advice and getting wrecked in their own life because of it. Sure, you'll make mistakes, but you shouldn't just accept wandering blindly through life dealing with stuff. This is wh…

Look at the context for the track record: was it against all odds, or were they raised with a silver spoon? It is much easier to get ahead when having good loving parents, good teachers, good friends, but there might not be much of a fighter in those champions. and definitely: people who bad-mouth others will bad-mouth you when you leave, no matter how noble you behave. But you still have to be noble to avoid your ac…

how about "people will bad-mouth you." full stop. There is nothing you can do to stop it.

Now, how you respond says a lot, especially if you own a business, and people are bad-mouthing you on 'the permanent record'

1. don't respond as if you are taking it personally.

Sure, being attacked unfairly by a customer feels like a fist to the gut. But it's not. This won't burst your spleen. Man up and act rationally.

2. acknowledge problems the badmouther brings up, if some of them are valid complaints. Explain how you are trying to prevent those problems from happening again. If possible, offer a refund, etc.

3. try to deflect invalid complaints without getting angry.

Fear is not the mind killer. Anger is the mind killer. If the badmouther is being unreasonable, it's likely that others will see this as well, (If others don't see this... perhaps your idea of reasonable needs to be re-calibrated?) If you can't deal with this in a calm manner, don't say anything at all. personal attacks in response to personal attacks will make you look like a 15 year old or a politician, in any case, nobody anyone wants to do business with.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#157

Post by chegra » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 2:25 PM UTC

irahul wrote: post #127

chegra wrote: post #109

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[I didn't downvote you, I think you are making some valid points] What I'm trying to point out is not paint with broad strokes. But evaluate everything and everyone independently of rules. Flaws of people admired: 1) Gandhi - Racist 2) Martin Luther King - Copy someone's work for his phd. Also an adulterer. 3) Edgar Allan Poe - So disrespectful that he was disowned by his guardians. 4) Tesla - Hated fat people. 5) St…

Gandhi was a racist? That's news to me. Links? Citation?

"We believe as much in the purity of race as we think they do, only we believe that they would best serve these interests, which are as dear to us as to them, by advocating the purity of all races, and not one alone. We believe also that the white race of South Africa should be the predominating race. "- Gandhi

http://www.trinicenter.com/WorldNews/ghandi4.htm

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#158

Post by jpdbaugh » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 2:26 PM UTC

daeken wrote: post #2

I'm 22, and perhaps I'm naive in my belief of this, but one of the biggest things I've learned is that theory and practice are rarely aligned. Reading about mistakes someone else has made generally only helps you see that you've made the same mistake in hindsight; when you're heading down that same path, you tend to justify it or are completely blind to the fact that it's a mistake. All that said, I'm curious about w…

I am finding more and more as a 21 year that all the answers that you need come from within. I can read the internet all day long for advice about my life but at the end of the day I am really starting to think I am the only one that knows exactly what I should do. Actually doing what I know I should is a completely different thing however.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#159

Post by jpdbaugh » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 2:30 PM UTC

pavelludiq wrote: post #79

My twenties started 6 months ago, but I've already discovered several of these. I discovered that despite knowing several languages and frameworks, i can't actually program. Despite being able to get descent grades in high-school without studying i can't do it with university material, so i have less time to play with computers, because i actually have to put in effort. I thought smoking is bad for you, the same way…

After just a couple years of smoking occasionally at school mainly while drinking I can say that my health has seriously been affected far more than I ever thought it would be. I am constantly stuffed up and coughing shit up.

Re: Ask HN: What were your naivetés in your twenties?

#160

Post by zephyrfalcon » Wed, Jun 30, 2010, 2:32 PM UTC

pbhjpbhj wrote: post #95

edanm wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"In a way I find it very disturbing, that we need to learn how to parent our children." Really? Why? I've never understood why people look at parenting differently than any other skill you have to learn.

>I've never understood why people look at parenting differently than any other skill you have to learn. Parenting should be assimilated (learnt if you like) gradually over time from those around you. Humans IMO function best as family groups within a [close-knit] tribal system: under such a regime one learns from one's own parents, parents of peers, parents of younger children, older intra-generation peers and peers…

"Parenting should be assimilated (learnt if you like) gradually over time from those around you. Humans IMO function best as family groups within a [close-knit] tribal system: under such a regime one learns from one's own parents, parents of peers, parents of younger children, older intra-generation peers and peers as parents as well as from looking after younger children as a child, looking after younger children as a teen, ... you get the idea."

This doesn't seem to work so well in today's society, as we tend to consider older generations' ideas of parenting "old-fashioned". Maybe rightfully so, maybe not... but discarding the experience from older generations means you have to relearn everything all over. In that context, it may be useful to have books (etc) on parenting that tell you, "do X", "don't do Y", maybe put in a contemporary context, so there's less of a stigma of being "out of date".