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Saying Sorry When Things Go Wrong [pdf]

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Re: Saying Sorry When Things Go Wrong [pdf]

#21

Post by logicallee »

(This comment is totally serious.)

There is a chart with "Do say" and "Don't say" listening appropriate and inappropriate phrasing examples.

I will ask an extreme question about it then make it a bit less reductionist.

The chart doesn't say whether "I'm sorry I caused your son's death" falls under "Do say" or "Don't say".

The thing is, although the above line exaggerates, if you are being transparent then there are a LOT of statements that reduce to "I (we) caused your son's death", but which are much more technical, i.e. regarding what was done.

In this case it is unclear whether these are to be avoided or can be mentioned? It says "These steps include informing people about the incident" but it is not totally clear whether they mean it.

Malpractice is the third-leading cause of death in the United States[1], so my question isn't an idle one.

The PDF could be far more specific here.

[1] https://www.google.com/search?q=malpractice+as+cause+of+deat...

Re: Saying Sorry When Things Go Wrong [pdf]

#23

Post by ntumlin »

smcg wrote: post #7

Note that the above is a UK publication and the laws around apologies are different in other countries. This document I have here (1996, pdf) is a rather good journal article on the subject for US legalities. http://scholarship.law.missouri.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?arti... tl;dr apologies are usually a good thing in your personal life and can prevent litigation in legal matters and are rarely admissible as proof of gu…

On an unrelated point, I was surprised when I saw how many citations there were in the linked document. I guess it's a law thing but it seemed like every sentence had something to back it up, even stuff like the meaning of "sorry" in the first two sentences, which I thought could be assumed.

Re: Saying Sorry When Things Go Wrong [pdf]

#24

Post by tkahnoski »

blacksmythe wrote: post #20
ineedasername wrote: post #17

I know the context of the PDF is a little different, but towards making the sentiment more broadly applicable, I'd suggest that an ability to own up to a mistake of any sort is a very useful professional "skill". Lacking that skill, it can be much more difficult to correct a problem before it becomes an issue (You hesitate, because a change implies the pre-change situation was "wrong") Once there's an issue, it also…

For me the key work skill is a willingness to answer "I don't know". People that can't say that when they don't know the answer are inevitably pompous time-wasters.

Similarly "I need help" and "How can I help?" are powerful things.

Re: Saying Sorry When Things Go Wrong [pdf]

#25

Post by verelo »

Literally 15 minutes ago I went to the neighbor behind my house [who complained in writing to me today] and apologized for letting construction workers work past 7pm in my backyard. I knew working past 7 was wrong, but no one had said anything and the project is behind schedule...so i let it slide. Today i had to go back and acknowledge that I was wrong to let that happen and that it won't happen again.

I first wrote a note, but opted to deliver the message in person as they were home [also handed them the note at the end of it as it had my phone number and email on it should they need me]. At the end of the day, i think I've turned what was potentially the beginning of a bad situation into something that brought us closer together and more likely to communicate effectively in the future.

Edit: One thing some people are saying further down is regarding admissions of guilt and i forgot to touch on that but it's clearly what I did here...

I think we live in a society that is often scared that doing the right thing [often in the form of apologizing] will get us in trouble. Plenty of times this holds true, but i think if we all did it more often it might be for the greater good, plus sometimes getting in trouble teaches us a valuable lesson. Doing the right thing should be your priority, but when you mess up I feel it's very important to correct it or you will often suffer small but longer lasting side-effects [stress, bad relationships, etc].

Re: Saying Sorry When Things Go Wrong [pdf]

#26

Post by schoen »

ntumlin wrote: post #23
smcg wrote: post #7

Note that the above is a UK publication and the laws around apologies are different in other countries. This document I have here (1996, pdf) is a rather good journal article on the subject for US legalities. http://scholarship.law.missouri.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?arti... tl;dr apologies are usually a good thing in your personal life and can prevent litigation in legal matters and are rarely admissible as proof of gu…

On an unrelated point, I was surprised when I saw how many citations there were in the linked document. I guess it's a law thing but it seemed like every sentence had something to back it up, even stuff like the meaning of "sorry" in the first two sentences, which I thought could be assumed.

Very typical of law review articles (academic publications in legal journals). Compare this famous humorous law review article, "The Common Law Origins of the Infield Fly Rule",

http://scholarship.law.upenn.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article...

(As something of a joke, it starts off by giving a citation for the meaning of the word "The".)

Re: Saying Sorry When Things Go Wrong [pdf]

#28

Post by transitionnel »

Kenji wrote: post #16

Why be sorry? It's an admission of guilt and weakness. Take a page out of Donald Trump's book - never be sorry for anything. You do what you do and the others can deal with it. That gets you the presidency in today's world, it seems. I don't even want to get political here but the US elections have shown me how you get ahead in life.

Sometimes it is necessary to have a strong example of what is wrong to be able to define what right is.

Most people on this forum are the type that can learn without touching the hot skillet for themselves, but we still benefit from helping others to not burn themselves.

Re: Saying Sorry When Things Go Wrong [pdf]

#30

Post by turbulents »

Clinicians seem to think that everyone is out to get them, or at least want to project the image that they're so vulnerable to lawsuits. The truth is, there's no threat to them. Only the most open-and-shut malpractice cases can realistically be litigated, due to the $250k damages cap (in California). And because there's such limited upside for the attorneys, most victims can't even get representation.

But despite all that, as someone who lost a family member due to physicians' mistakes, all we wanted was for the doctors to acknowledge what went wrong and then find a way to learn from it so it doesn't happen again to someone else. Victims understand--doctors are people and people make mistakes. I'm not the type to pursue litigation, but if anything, this code-of-silence/denial/cover-up routine only serves to encourage litigation as a way of making sure the problem is openly discussed.

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