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How to make a friend fast

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Re: How to make a friend fast

#231

Post by novia »

pbhjpbhj wrote: post #226
novia wrote: post #187

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One of the other three suggested it, not sure why, and then we did it. For each question we would take turns answering it. We were allowed to say, "Pass," if the question made us too uncomfortable or, if we couldn't think of a good answer fast enough, we could pass and come back to it after everyone else had answered. We were already at the level of acquaintances, close enough to be at the same location, hanging out,…

Did you hang out with other groups of people who you're no longer friends with? I wonder also if it might be commitment to the experience as much as the experience itself that affirms the bond and establishes a platform for ongoing friendship.

Did you hang out with other groups of people who you're no longer friends with?

Yes? One person in particular, I became friends with them extremely quickly about 2 years ago. There was no contrived questionnaire involved, we just clicked, but after one falling out, the bridge was completely burned.

Re: How to make a friend fast

#232

Post by aninhumer »

Mz wrote: post #230
aninhumer wrote: post #227

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think I misunderstood your comment. I read "talking for 45mins isn't a big deal" to mean it's not that hard so people should just do it rather than planning it, but it sounds like you meant it doesn't mean much in terms of friendship. (And based on other replies to you, it seems like a lot of people made a similar mistake.) I don't disagree with that, and I do agree that some people seem way too interested in getti…

Someone said to me about me "Sounds like you have a thing..." I rebutted that by saying, no, I have a long history of close relationships. Forty five minutes is not a big flipping deal. And now there are down votes and all kinds of assumptions about me and what I intended. I don't know why that is. Given the context of my remark, it should be obvious that my only intent was to rebut someone basically talking trash ab…

>And now there are down votes and all kinds of assumptions about me and what I intended. I don't know why that is.

FWIW, I'll try to explain my reading: I didn't read "I have a long history of close relationships" as a riposte to "Sounds like you have a problem with planning making friends", because it didn't seem to me like a direct contradiction. One can have relatively long close relationships without planning to have them. In fact in that context it kind of sounded to me more like "Well I have real friends, not planned ones".

So then I read "talking to someone for 45mins isn't a big deal" as reasoning for the objection to planning (i.e. "don't plan, just talk to people") rather than a contradiction ("45mins isn't long enough to form a friendship").

Re: How to make a friend fast

#234

Post by Mz »

aninhumer wrote: post #232
Mz wrote: post #230

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Someone said to me about me "Sounds like you have a thing..." I rebutted that by saying, no, I have a long history of close relationships. Forty five minutes is not a big flipping deal. And now there are down votes and all kinds of assumptions about me and what I intended. I don't know why that is. Given the context of my remark, it should be obvious that my only intent was to rebut someone basically talking trash ab…

>And now there are down votes and all kinds of assumptions about me and what I intended. I don't know why that is. FWIW, I'll try to explain my reading: I didn't read "I have a long history of close relationships" as a riposte to "Sounds like you have a problem with planning making friends", because it didn't seem to me like a direct contradiction. One can have relatively long close relationships without planning to…

Let me respectfully suggest that when an individual says something personal about the person they are speaking to, you take into consideration that this is almost always a form of personal attack and people get defensive when attacked personally. I do not understand why everyone here seems to have no problem with someone saying something about me personally -- because the comment* was not downvoted to hell, flagged to death nor shot down by other people -- that is basically an ugly personal attack, but many people feel compelled to pile on and add additional attacks against me.

This is a major failing of reading context on the part of the people continuing to try to tell me I am somehow doing something wrong. Remarks here are supposed to be about the subject under discussion, not about individual members. Multiple people here cannot seem to get that right and it is all coming down on my head when I have done absolutely nothing to deserve so much flak.

* https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=14733051

Re: How to make a friend fast

#235

Post by jondubois »

coldtea wrote: post #144
jondubois wrote: post #134

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Lack of resources can make the kindest, most altruistic person behave in extremely ugly, selfish ways. You don't know who someone is until you see them go through poverty. Also, you don't know who you are yourself until you experience that terrible feeling of scarcity. For me, greed is the worst human attribute. When I see rich people being greedy, I find it hard to imagine how much worse they would be as human being…

> You don't know who someone is until you see them go through poverty. The inverse is also true: you don't know who someone is until a) they get rich and/or powerful (and change), b) you go to poverty (and e.g. they prove to be only "fair weather friends"). And I would just more harshly someone who reveals themselves to do bad things or be a bad friend when they get rich or when you get poor, than someone doing bad s…

To an extent, but I think being rich also shields you from reality. Rich people don't realise how greedy they are because no one ever dares to tell them or even hint at it.

They get used to getting extra attention, extra laughs at their jokes, extra compliments about how generous they are, etc... Over time, their idea of normal becomes very abnormal.

Re: How to make a friend fast

#237

Post by mmmpop »

qb45 wrote: post #212
collyw wrote: post #191

Earlier quoted context omitted.

my point exactly

Dunno, when you make egregious errors like that we can't help understanding not only what you meant but also some things you likely didn't mean.

It's been pointed out to me lately that "prescriptive grammar" is apparently classist/racist, which is strange considering I grew up dirt poor in Appalachia but still bothered to learn the difference in "who" and "whom". In languages like French it's a crucial understanding but English got lazy and for whatever reason, direct object pronouns are a tripping point for many students of a foreign language. Astounding.

Re: How to make a friend fast

#238

Post by joshlemer »

Mz wrote: post #234
aninhumer wrote: post #232

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>And now there are down votes and all kinds of assumptions about me and what I intended. I don't know why that is. FWIW, I'll try to explain my reading: I didn't read "I have a long history of close relationships" as a riposte to "Sounds like you have a problem with planning making friends", because it didn't seem to me like a direct contradiction. One can have relatively long close relationships without planning to…

Let me respectfully suggest that when an individual says something personal about the person they are speaking to, you take into consideration that this is almost always a form of personal attack and people get defensive when attacked personally. I do not understand why everyone here seems to have no problem with someone saying something about me personally -- because the comment* was not downvoted to hell, flagged t…

Sorry, my comment probably did come off a bit strong, I should have worded it as "This just sounds like a position against explicitly planning the process of making friends in general."

Re: How to make a friend fast

#239

Post by Mz »

joshlemer wrote: post #238
Mz wrote: post #234

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Let me respectfully suggest that when an individual says something personal about the person they are speaking to, you take into consideration that this is almost always a form of personal attack and people get defensive when attacked personally. I do not understand why everyone here seems to have no problem with someone saying something about me personally -- because the comment* was not downvoted to hell, flagged t…

Sorry, my comment probably did come off a bit strong, I should have worded it as "This just sounds like a position against explicitly planning the process of making friends in general."

Thanks.
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