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Shedding Light on the “Black Box of Inappropriateness”

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Re: Shedding Light on the “Black Box of Inappropriateness”

#151

Post by whiddershins »

"Haunted me to this day."

He pushed her in to a corner and kissed her. She kicked him out.

His behavior is totally inexcusable. No question.

But seriously? Do I live in an alternate reality where drunk people do all sorts of borderline illegal inappropriate stuff on a regular basis?

Because in my world people do that. And it sucks. And no one likes it. And it can and should be called out. But I can't imagine it haunting anyone for years, especially not someone who has the strength of will to start a company.

It may seem insensitive, but I am being pragmatic: whether or not something "haunts" you has as much to do with your way of framing an event and your attitude towards trauma as the actual event.

Just because someone else did something wrong is no reason to carry it with you for years.

This is no commentary on whether or not this guy's pattern of behavior is reprehensible. I am literally talking about that one incident in isolation and its effect on the author's psyche.

Re: Shedding Light on the “Black Box of Inappropriateness”

#152

Post by abritinthebay »

aaron695 wrote: post #129
pandler wrote: post #107

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This. I find it hard to believe the entire "teach English in Asia" industry is fueled by people who base their decision on some fantasy to have sex with Asians (or just their students? I'm not sure what they are implying), and it certainly doesn't mesh with my experience of English teachers abroad.

"teach English in Asia" (....Imply are slightly dodgy, my interpretation) This part of OP's comment is a very well known trope for people working in Asia. It could just be a incorrect sterotype but personally this part of the comment should not have been flagged. (Currently there's a trope the IT field has a issue)

Possibly related to that most of the people that go do that are young (20s usually) and with western attitudes to sex and party culture.

It’s likely more a culture clash than an agenda

Re: Shedding Light on the “Black Box of Inappropriateness”

#153

Post by xyrnoble »

whiddershins wrote: post #151

"Haunted me to this day." He pushed her in to a corner and kissed her. She kicked him out. His behavior is totally inexcusable. No question. But seriously? Do I live in an alternate reality where drunk people do all sorts of borderline illegal inappropriate stuff on a regular basis? Because in my world people do that. And it sucks. And no one likes it. And it can and should be called out. But I can't imagine it haunt…

All it takes is one incident to indicate the possibility that something can occur. It can profoundly change your outlook on the world. Depending on the event this can be irreversibly negative.

Re: Shedding Light on the “Black Box of Inappropriateness”

#154

Post by ToadLegs »

abritinthebay wrote: post #149
ToadLegs wrote: post #143

Earlier quoted context omitted.

By that standard, the only way to never do anything inappropriate is to never do anything.

No. If you think that is the only way - to interact without a shred of empathy or self-awareness of your own actions - then you may be part of the problem.

So what's another way to do it?

I don't know of any way to reliably predict other people's reactions to what I do.

Re: Shedding Light on the “Black Box of Inappropriateness”

#156

Post by mc32 »

whiddershins wrote: post #151

"Haunted me to this day." He pushed her in to a corner and kissed her. She kicked him out. His behavior is totally inexcusable. No question. But seriously? Do I live in an alternate reality where drunk people do all sorts of borderline illegal inappropriate stuff on a regular basis? Because in my world people do that. And it sucks. And no one likes it. And it can and should be called out. But I can't imagine it haunt…

I've been assaulted at gunpoint. It does not haunt me. Would it haunt someone else, depending on the person, probably, yes.

Things affect different people differently.

Re: Shedding Light on the “Black Box of Inappropriateness”

#157

Post by [deleted] »

whiddershins wrote: post #151

"Haunted me to this day." He pushed her in to a corner and kissed her. She kicked him out. His behavior is totally inexcusable. No question. But seriously? Do I live in an alternate reality where drunk people do all sorts of borderline illegal inappropriate stuff on a regular basis? Because in my world people do that. And it sucks. And no one likes it. And it can and should be called out. But I can't imagine it haunt…

[deleted]

Re: Shedding Light on the “Black Box of Inappropriateness”

#158

Post by Zikes »

dang wrote: post #145
al_chemist wrote: post #141

This thread look heavily censored. That doesn't encourage to speak up.

'Censorship' has become more pejorative than informative, but you're right that users are downvoting and flagging comments; I think pretty fairly. Wherever moderators have intervened (in any way that affects comment visibility), we've posted comments saying so. That goes for the previous threads too. Not every kind of comment is welcome here. HN is trying for higher-quality discussion. (Trying and failing, of course.…

Please review my recent comments on this post, which have been flag killed. If you believe they were fairly downvoted and deserve to be flagged, then please delete or permanently ban my account.

Re: Shedding Light on the “Black Box of Inappropriateness”

#160

Post by Jun8 »

jaggederest wrote: post #133
at-fates-hands wrote: post #108

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Which is the part that puzzles me. Successful guy, plenty of money. Get a high priced call girl, go on a sex site and get a woman who wants what you want. I mean I used to be in a band and it was easy to have a woman in nearly every city you could call when you feel lonely. If he was after something deeper, hire a dating consultant and find something worthwhile. It just amazes me that people who have both the means a…

> Get a high priced call girl, go on a sex site and get a woman who wants what you want. I mean I used to be in a band and it was easy to have a woman in nearly every city you could call when you feel lonely. That's not the point. The point is precisely the power and coercion. Paying someone or finding someone like-minded doesn't hit that button anywhere near the same way that assault and blackmail does. If you're st…

Well put. "Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power."
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